If you’re ever a victim of these crimes, make sure to dial 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

James Bond is actually a time lord. It explains why he changes how he looks every few movies. This is backed up by the fact that Timothy Dalton played a time lord once in Doctor Who.

Spending hours with a bunch of ladies and possibly touching them in intimate locations.

vs

Spending hours with a bunch of guys and possibly touching them in intimate locations. Then showing with them.

Yeah, dance is way gayer.

Suddenly Seymour.

A droll factoid.

A Thanksgiving duck!

My first thought: “Princess Diana was a real person.”

Derp

Holy motherforking shirtballs… someone stole my post idea!

Yes Babe, I am real man

I’m in the US and I can do this. I call my primary care, they connect me with a nurse, and I tell them what’s going on. They will then inform me if I should go to UC, ER, or wait for an appointment. The primary care office even has a walk in clinic as an option. This is why it’s good to have a primary care physician, even if insurance doesn’t require it.

Astroglide is perfect for this situation. It even has “glide” in the name!

No worries. Misunderstandings happen. 😀

Perhaps I should have said “plush dog.”

I blew way too much money on a stuffed dog at a hotel general store for my wife. We were driving a Uhaul during a snowstorm to move in together. The roads became very slippery so we decided to sleep through the storm. It was our first hotel stay together and money was very tight, but it was a romantic gesture. She cherished it until our son claimed it as his own personal “security blanket.”

The Mask is sssssmokin’!

On the delete key!

I think it should be legal and regulated. It’s a service that people want and others are willing to fill. We just need laws to protect all parties, particularly the workers.

“Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal?” -George Carlin

My 8 year old starts almost every sentence with “By the way.”

I just can’t even right now or later. I don’t care if that makes me basic.

That is NOT what I learned from The Offspring.