Figure out when a kettle of piratoes is ready. I can cook a lot of stuff, but when boiling potatoes I always need my GF to check if they’re ready.
Smart idea, piratoes are dangerous.
navigate the social landscape of a corporate office
Oooof, I hear that. Things are more political than ever at my work and it’s like, I just want to do my job and go home
I can’t navigate politics at all. Have done ok working at startups though, some offices are not at all political. Where I work, we can fix other people’s processes if we think of a better way, we work with other departments, I don’t have to go through my manager to talk to your manager to get to you, can go directly to you. Can talk to the CEO, to ex- employees, nobody is protective of their work, nobody is angling for my job.
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The rules are “make anyone above you feel good about themselves because they’ll throw a hissy fit if you don’t make them feel special.” It’s pathetic and I’m tired of it.
But like if I try this, if I break down and try this, I’m so bad at it that it’s insulting and threatening to them to see my transparent flattery and wheedling.
Remember where I put my keys and or wallet. Def didn’t put them in the bowl my wife got for me by the door specifically to put those things in.
Oh man, the bowl is there for a reason, just use it Jeff!
(I’ve decided your name is Jeff for reasons not even clear to myself.)
How the hell did you know my name?
It’s obvious. You keep jeffing things up.
At least I’m not jacking them off. Plus nobody’s afraid of a Jeffrey
I thought I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
They say it’s all in the wrist.
Yeah. They say they’ve never seen anything like it. … That’s what I said. Freak accident. Yeah. The entire thing.
He’s going into surgery so they can try and extract it. Yup. Yup. Okay I’ll call and let you know as soon as he’s out. Night babe, love you.
I can’t whistle. Honestly I think it’s because one of my lower front teeth is crooked, twisted at an angle. 🤷♂️
My parents used to tell me as a kid that I couldn’t whistle because I wasn’t eating my pizza crust. After I started eating the crust I learned how to whistle.
Have you tried eating crust?
With a crooked tooth? Impossible!
Me neither, and for the same reason.
I lost my ability to whistle in a tragic playground accident when my front teeth met the skull of a friend travelling in the other direction. Ever since, crooked front tooth.
ow
Swallow pills. It takes 3-4 tries every time for the smaller ones.
The funny thing is I’m sure you swallow larger pieces of food all the time with no trouble!
The food wouldn’t be in a form factor where they can turn sideways and get lodged in your throat. It’s so unpleasant when that happens.
Probably when not paying attention. But also, sometimes I chew soup if there’s rice or other small things in it :p
Difference is that you can chew the food, it’s much more natural. You can’t, or aren’t supposed to, chew the pill (especially if it’s a capsule). There is a psychological component, for sure.
Consuming along with a water-based ice treat such as an Icy Pole, Zooper Dooper etc might help.
I haven’t had trouble swallowing pills, so I don’t how helpful this is, but it’s something that still made it easier for me: I used to try to swallow the pill by just pushing it with water on an initially empty throat. Once I started swallowing the water first, then letting the pill ride between gulps in the stream’s momentum, it became more comfortable and automatic.
I haven’t had to take one in a while but I’ll probably try this or simply try without water next time.
I wish there was a way to explain this without making it sound gross, but get some saltines, chew em up, and sneak the pill into the mash in your mouth before you swallow
Cook
Some days when the pollen count is high, breathe.
I used to be unable to jump, but then I did Morris dancing. I learned how to jump normally at 27.
What happened when you tried to jump? I can’t picture this.
I could spring from my ankles, but getting my knees involved made me mess up the timing and I got no lift.
I second the curiosity. What would it look like? Sudden crouching? Paralyzing indecision?
I’m picturing those seizure goats
Basically
Forgive the audio, recommend muting, but I expect it might have been similar to this video of a woman who does not know how to jump:
What in the world. Thanks, this simultaneously explains so much and so little.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=k1EVWeek7Kk
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Burp - I just can’t do it. Also whistle or roll my Rs
I can’t burp either. Turns out my mom can’t. I wonder if it’s a genetic disability. Seriously, that may sound ridiculous but sometimes it’s really inconvenient!
Hi fellow no-burper! Everybody else in my family can burp, but maybe I just lost the recessive gene lottery? I totally agree, it’s one of those things that sounds like a small issue but really impacts my life sometimes.
That’s curious. Can you throw up though? What happens when you eat something that doesn’t agree with you and there is gas build up? Do you have a colic like horses (who can’t burb or throw up) do?
I have so many questions.
even
Last time I accidentally a Coca Cola bottle.
rip
Walk more than 20 meters at a time.
How big are your legs, chief?
10 m of course. Can’t you do basic math?
I guess it’s a basic thing which I can’t do
Diving. Thousands blown along multiple failed exams. Still get made fun of in my family and work due to that.
Diving or driving lol?
Given his luck, hopefully one or the other not both at once tbh
Auditory processing. Say a vaguely complex paragraph to me and I won’t get anything out of it. It is just one of those things I have to explain to people and ask them to request things in writing. Writing is the polar opposite, I can have details stick with me for decades.
Cooking. I’ve tried learning multiple times but I still can’t really make anything more complicated than boiling pasta or frying eggs or a grilled cheese. I wish I could learn but everytime someone tries to teach me I can’t retain what they teach me and do it independently. I’m constantly fucking up in the kitchen which leads me to waste food, which my parents drilled into me is like the worst sin you can commit, so I stopped trying. I hated throwing things out because I’d fucked them up, especially because by that point I’d be so hungry that my failure would have an outsized effect on my emotions, and I wouldn’t want to try again. So I just order food, make simple things like noodles and sandwiches, and avoid anything more complicated.
I totally get you, I’m the same with auto mechanics, I tried but no joy. But I do know a thing or two about cooking.
There are some things you can do to help yourself, get a list together of meats that are better with lengthy time cooking methods- for instance pork shoulder or sirloin.
Get a crock pot, slow cooker, or smoker.
Basically, you can get recipes for these which are literally the same: Season meat, add potatoes, carrots or other hearty vegetables. Set to cook and walk away- it cooks itself.
Cooking at home doesn’t always mean cooking from scratch, you can absolutely grab a can of soup (cream of mushroom) and add it to boiled pasta with some canned tuna, then bake it with a little cheese over the top.
Focus on methods & repetitive dishes, then you can branch out from there.
Meats (braise, slow cooked)
Sides (potatoes, root veg, onions)
Seasonings (seasoning blends, packets, etc)
Sauces (bbq, salad dressings, soups, etc)
Don’t be too hard on yourself, I am in the kitchen everyday and there is nothing better than a good sandwich for me at home. Simple, easy, not complicated flavors and filling. When we get busier the sandwiches get simpler, lol.
Good luck.
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Cooking can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. Could it be that you’re having problems because you’re going too far into the complicated end?
If you care to share how things usually go wrong for you, maybe you’ll get some useful tips in return.
Often I overcook or undercook things, use too much or too little of some ingredient, and generally have no intuition for the quantitative side of things. These aren’t exactly recipes, just literal fundamental skills like cooking meat or vegetables for the right amount of time, at the right heat, with the right seasonings, etc.
So, I was in the same spot for a long time. The one thing I can suggest is to get a tiny portion of something you want to cook, for instance you want to make fried chicken at some point; in the beginning just get like 2 thighs that you aren’t planning on really eating. It’s literally just a test. The pressure is off for dinner that night and you get room to explore while still knowing if you have to throw it all away you are okay with it.
I used to struggle with picking seasonings too, but here’s a strategy that I picked up from the internet somewhere:
- Decide which basic flavor(s) you need
- Pick an ingredient that will satisfy one or more of those flavors.
Here’s a baseline “basic flavors” that should always land you a flavorful meal:
- heat (eg peppers, wasabe)
- acid (fruit, vinegar)
- salt (table salt, soy sauce)
- fat (butter, bacon grease)
But there’s a few others that might come in handy, like:
- sweet (sugar, honey, fruit, many veggies)
- mint (thyme, rosemary, basil, black pepper)
- bitter (grapefruit, many veggies)
- savory (soy sauce, meats)
- whatever flavor alliums have (onions, garlic)
Of course, figuring out which basic flavors you need is still a skill to develop, but this two-stage process helped me a lot. Plus, if you’re trying to stay traditional, then the second stage where you pick the ingredient may already be chosen for you. Mexican food needs acid? Lime. Italian needs heat? Red pepper flakes. Asian needs salt? Soy sauce.
TL;DR: Don’t go straight to choosing ingredients you need, instead choose a basic flavor you need then pick ingredients that will satisfy that flavor.
What I did so far to overcome it:
- Accept that sometimes you can’t make every food perfect.
Sometimes the rice is overdone or too sticky or the pasta is too salty. - Try out simple dishes and continue from there. (Potatoes + sour cream -> Baked potatoes (wedges) with rosemary in oil -> Hasselback potatoes -> etc.)
- Keep track of what you liked that your parents prepared for you.
Interrogate them if it’s necessary. Until they stop with the “Do as much as you like” and instead instruct you with “Put about a cup of X and about a quarter of Y by volume”. If you got this you are nore prepared for the measure by eye and feel.
It’s like science. It is science.
I love cooking and I’ve gotten pretty good at making a lot of stuff completely from scratch. But my rice has always been awful, it seems so simple.
We got a $20 rice cooker a few months ago and its been a game changer. Perfect rice every time.
Also I just recently found out your supposed to wash rice before you eat it. Apparently its covered in a lot of heavy metals or something.
Dunno about the heavy metal stuff. I am in Germany and usually our stuff is (I hope so) relatively safe and if unsafe levels are noticee the product has to be recalled.
Usually to wash rice to get rid of the accumulated starches. Usually with short grain rice. Long grain didnt require ut the few times I did it.
Ahh I think I had it mixed up, in the states at least rice contains a lot of heavy metals so when my son was young we avoided giving him too much rice, which was difficult since basically every kid snack is rice based.
A quick google search says washing it ‘could’ get rid of some of those metals, but not really. Makes me feel a little better about not ever washing my rice but it does cook a lot nicer after washing which makes sense.
Until they stop with the “Do as much as you like” and instead instruct you with “Put about a cup of X and about a quarter of Y by volume”.
My parents are the worst about this. It’s all based on vibes. My dad acts like Amadeus in the kitchen, furiously experimenting and being creative. I’ve asked him to explain wtf he’s doing and he never does. Like he’ll tell me what he’s literally doing, but with no explanation of why.
Edit: Particularly with cooking meat, which I never seem to do right. My parents both describe the temperature and time they choose purely in terms of vibes and I have no idea how to copy that when I go from trying to learn with them where I’m typically trying to cook for 3-4 people to trying to figure out how to cook for just myself.
Meat: get a ThermaPen instant read thermometer and cook meats to 120 for rare, 125 for med rare and 135 for medium. Pull the meat off heat 5 d before it hits you desired temp.
This book should take care of the basics: https://amzn.eu/d/16lMSZG
(If you are not in the EU area, just search for the title on your local amazon or book store)What I read so far in it is bits of explanation of the science of taste and cooking whats happening inside the food and storytelling. This would give you an aid to be closer to what your father does being an able to experiment and deviate from a recipe.
Personally I enjoy the recipes from http://justonecookbook.com
The recipes are not very complicated and tasty. It usually is supplemented by a youtube video that shows the steps as well.
Interrogate them if it’s necessary. Until they stop with the “Do as much as you like” and instead instruct you with “Put about a cup of X and about a quarter of Y by volume”. If you got this you are nore prepared for the measure by eye and feel.
I get around this by asking them to make the specifics dish, gathering all the ingredients for them, then weighing everything before and after to get exact numbers.
It really is a matter of “do as much as you like”, but without an intuition on how different ingredients taste and affect the dish at varying quantities, you’re not going to know how much you like. So getting that starting point to experiment with is very important.
Usually my meals end up in “I feel like there is one aspect missing to tie the whole thing together”.
- Accept that sometimes you can’t make every food perfect.
