• Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works
    0·
    11 days ago

    At college, there were 16 and 17 year old girls with boyfriends in their twenties. Even at the time, I thought that was weird.

    At least I never heard about anything younger than that.

    • Rakonat@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      11 days ago

      Some girl when I was in middle school, 14ish, used to get picked up by some tatted up 20 something, pretty sure he was at least 25 but no idea. We thought he was like an uncle or something. Nope, turns out he was her boyfriend. Pretty sure that guy went to prison for meth related activities.

    • MehBlah@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      10 days ago

      I know a guy who ended up in bed with a twelve year old. She didn’t look twelve and didn’t act twelve. He ended up going in to the military to flee. He didn’t have to worry because of course this same girl ended up pregnant in less than a year.

      Her story was all too common. She had been abused and trafficked from a very young age and had associated approval through sex. When this all came out her mom and step dad faced no consequences. They went out of their way to try to punish her. She ended up getting court ordered counseling which despite the parents continuing to try to interfere she got better.

      She eventually ended up married to a pretty decent guy and they left for parts unknown a few years later. I don’t think she was quite eighteen when they left.

      The scumbag parents are still around. They are considered fine christians in the community. After all they asked god for forgiveness. Not their victim mind you but god, so its all okay.

  • _druid@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    0·
    11 days ago

    When I was a kid, in 7th grade science, I overheard a boy asking a girl out. She rejected him, he wasn’t her type. He asked what her type was, she mentioned a guy she was seeing, and casually mentioned he was 22. At the time, I was thinking this poor kid was woefully outmatched and would never have a chance. A few years later, it dawned on me just how fucked up that whole situation was.

      • msprout@lemmy.world
        0·
        11 days ago

        Yeah in my high school, a girl I knew got into serious trouble for trying to bring her 25 year old boyfriend to junior prom, when she was 16. 😩 For some reason, the district allowed it. 😭😭

        • QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          11 days ago

          16 is the Age of Consent in most places, that doesn’t make it right, but I can only guess the district thought “Well if it’s legal…” without thinking if it was appropiate.

          It definitely wasn’t and it endangered the other students

          • kingofras@lemmy.world
            0·
            11 days ago

            16 is the Age of Consent in most places, that doesn’t make it right, but I can only guess the district thought “Well if it’s legal…” without thinking if it was appropiate.

            That’s not how age of consent works you uninformed denizen softening the ground for pedos.

            Educate first, then loud blab on the internet.

            Ref: https://lemmy.world/comment/18382947

            • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
              0·
              9 days ago

              In the US, age of consent varies by state. In most US states the age of consent to sex with someone who is not in a position of authority is 16. Often with a close in age exception. 18 gets used in US media so much because that’s what it is in CA and NY, and that’s where most media is made.

              18 is also federal age of consent, but that only applies when an incident involves crossing state lines.

            • jj4211@lemmy.world
              0·
              10 days ago

              Your reference is your own comment? Shouldn’t somewhere down the chain there be a link explaining this? It would be nice for you to be right, but I don’t think you are.

              If it were only about activities with other shouldn’t be of age people, then it makes no sense. Either they are allowed and it’s legal or it’s illegal for both of them but neither can be considered criminally responsible because neither can legally consent either.

              There are stories constantly about someone older having relations with someone way too young but the jurisdiction has age of consent to make it ok.

              • kingofras@lemmy.world
                0·
                10 days ago

                My god, this place is overrun by petulant children who can’t do their own research and are criminally unaware of the laws surrounding this.

                You want a link, here’s a link

                also this

                TLDR; it is immensely complex, varies country by country, but as a general rule of thumb, having sex with a minor whilst you yourself not being a minor will almost everywhere land you in trouble. As it should. ^applies to regular joe without powerful friends in powerful places only.^

                Topic highly unsuited for one line response mediums like this new reddit.

                • Banana@sh.itjust.works
                  0·
                  9 days ago

                  Why do you start every comment with an insult? Their question was reasonable and they didn’t treat you the same. That really doesn’t make you sound as smart as you think it does, especially when you’re referencing yourself in your original comment, and the comment of your own that you referenced doesn’t actually clarify anything, it’s just another example of you insulting somebody and telling them that they’re wrong.

                  Besides, age of consent laws differ in how they work based on what country you are in, and not everyone is from your country. You’re expecting people to know shit they’re not reasonably expected to know, and you’re mad at them about it and being a child about it.

                • jj4211@lemmy.world
                  0·
                  9 days ago

                  For example, the age of consent in the US state of Delaware is 18, but it is allowed for teenagers aged 16 and 17 to engage in sexual intercourse as long as the older partner is younger than 30

                  16 and 17 is still under the age of consent, but they have a special exception for partners under 30. So the age of consent is still exactly what people think it is

                  Circumstances of the relationship

                  Generally it still looks like for those jurisdictions the age of consent is pretty much what people think it is, however the bar for consent is much higher. The Pennsylvania example is closest to what you describe, but seems to be that they basically prosecute for some other crime because age of consent is low enough but they have other laws. Guessing it’s rooted in some provisions for young marriage but still able to prosecute premarital sex as corrupted morals.

                  In short to all these jurisdictions, just raise the damn age of consent instead of having all sorts of weird loopholes that make it sometimes ok for a 45 year old to get with a 14 year old.

    • OctopusNemeses@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      11 days ago

      I saw that kind of thing too. I figured those girls were probably dating the popular guys our age. A while later I found out that not even those guys were dating them. It was the 20 to 30 somethings.

  • Beesbeesbees@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 days ago

    Gross. Accurate. Took me way too long to understand why my friend’s dad was acting the way he was around 13-17. Decades later and it still sickens me.

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
    0·
    11 days ago

    The thing about 13yo guys ia that you are on the beggining of your puberty process and most boys are ugly and awkward

    • kautau@lemmy.world
      0·
      11 days ago

      How many 13 year old guys are you trying to date? You been to a private island in the last 10 years or so?

    • msprout@lemmy.world
      0·
      11 days ago

      I can earnestly say that, as a former 13-year-old boy myself, none of the other girls my age really compared me to George Clooney. All of us were ugly and awkward at that age, and if you think otherwise, I might grow a little leery of your intentions.

    • Banana@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      10 days ago

      13 year old girls are also awkward as fuck lmao. Acne, stretch marks, figuring out wtf to do with a period.

      All that and having to navigate being coveted by adult men while not understanding why.

  • UnhingedFridge@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    10 days ago

    Still remember my middle school girlfriend brag about cheating on me and fucking guys that were buying her beer. Would have been nice to get authorities involved if I had anyone to talk to and wasn’t being neglected and abused at home. Kind of wild to lose hope in people at the age of 12.

    Bad times.

  • MTK@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 days ago

    I remember how creepy it was to see that once the girls in my class got boobs (around 8th grade, 13-14 yo) full on adults would start hitting on them. I recall seeing a few class mates in a local park, all 3 were 13 I think, they still looked like little girls, it’s just that now they had boobs and wore bras. So I see these 3 girls, each sitting in the lap of an 18-20 yo dude, and making out…

    As a kid I recall seeing it and thinking “wtf is wrong with those guys?”

  • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today
    0·
    11 days ago

    Not really, because guys that age are 100% INVISIBLE to females. All you got is zits and a curfew, which you can’t even violate because neither you, nor any of your friends have a driver’s license.

    • NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
      0·
      11 days ago

      “Guys” and “females.”

      Zits and curfew aren’t why girls weren’t into you then and it’s not why women aren’t interested in you now, incel boy.

    • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
      0·
      11 days ago

      Wait it’s only about what you can do for them and give to them, your material usefulness? What about youthful vigor? Doesn’t that count for more, way more, than a driver’s license, spending money and social status? What about love and shit?

            • musubibreakfast@lemmy.world
              0·
              11 days ago

              Show me where I’m wrong

              You seem troubled. If you’re ever in Amsterdam, let me know and I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me about what’s bothering you.

                • Zink@programming.dev
                  0·
                  10 days ago

                  re: 2. You’re wrong.

                  There, checked that box.

                  It’s pretty convenient for me that you only offered a one-line assertion, so I could reply with a one-line assertion!

                  This is one of those subjects where you can write an essay in reply or throw out simple phrases that might highlight some profound thing to those who are already on the other side of the issue from you.

                  And I’m sitting here with my family wanting to play a game with me, been with my wife for 25 years, so let me take a shot at very broadly and generally logic-ing my train of thought to love being a “real” thing and worthwhile:

                  1. I am naturally a recluse computer nerd personality who doesn’t talk to anybody. Yeah I’m married but I have never personally asked a girl out, nor have any ever asked me out. Very lucky to have had her randomly find me on freaking ICQ of all things, and obviously our chats went well enough to meet up.

                  2. I’m married, and it’s a whole social and legal construct, but I’m not talking about any of that stuff here. This is about the effect of relationships on the human psyche.

                  3. Nothing is “real.” I look at the universe through what I think of as a “positive nihilism” lens. Things like meaning, purpose, love, justice, and others are constructs of our conscious minds, not features of the physical world (and yeah technically they kind of are part of the physical world because our brains are, but I think you get my meaning). The upside is that this can be a very freeing feeling. It is OK to figure out what you really care about and pursue that. But the downside is that you can very easily and very significantly limit your own life experiences due to nothing more than your own perceptions.

                  4. Humans are a very social species. Belonging to families and tribes is programmed deep within us, even if we reject it (see my #1) or are ignorant of it and let it drive negative behavior (see political parties, sports teams, racism, etc).

                  5. Lust is not bad. Let’s not be puritans. I don’t lust after everybody I love (eww) but I lust after my wife all the time and it’s awesome fun.

                  5a. Speaking of #5 there, an important underlying thing to remember is that you have to allow yourself to enjoy life and have fun. And yeah, it sounds like an empty platitude of a saying. “That’s what I’m trying to do every hour of every day” I hear my old self saying. Yeah but there are a lot of self-imposed limitations and assumptions that we don’t even realize we’re putting on ourselves. I mean, I’m a white male USian on Lemmy. I am keenly aware of how fucked up things are all over the place despite my locale not changing at all. Oh and I was raised by angry conservative Catholics. And those things only cover the guilt-based aspects of what you’re supposed to do. I think having a kid helps me keep myself balanced here. It would be evil and irresponsible to ignore the plight of other people, but it would also be pretty wrong and irresponsible to make my 8 year old’s world miserable just because they were born onto the same fucked up planet the rest of us were.

                  1. The goal here is to improve the life experience of myself and those around me. There isn’t some ideal state where we have officially reached “love” status.

                  2. To have the best effect on our psyches, our life experiences need to engage our senses and affect our environment. So I am talking about sharing the same physical space with loved ones and not just texting constantly or being super active on Facebook or whatever site. And I am not being an old luddite that thinks it should be this way (see #1). Digital communication is awesome, but generally the person to person connection is better as you involve more senses. Think of text -> call -> video call -> in-person visit, whether it’s to figure out something for work or to learn about the new baby in the family.

                  3. Love isn’t just an emotion. It usually means having affection for the person, sure, but it is also a level of respect and a level of commitment to that person or people. And it is certainly not always selfless, but it can be. And there are degrees. There are plenty of friends’ children that we love and would do all kinds of stuff for. And we often do, and don’t ask for anything in return. And you might think this sounds like we could let friends take advantage of us. And to that I would say, that is an approach that puts negativity and greed foremost in your mind. What usually happens is that we go into the situation in a positive and generous way, and the psychological benefit that WE get is far greater than whatever time or money we spent.

                  4. Our bodies run on feedback loops! It seems fairly ubiquitous that for so many of our daily actions, our body directs resources to get better at the things we do more of, and worse at the things we do less of. This goes for way more than physical strength. So it might sound stupid, but making the conscious decision “I am going to be better at loving X person, and better at loving and taking care of myself” and start letting that mindset drive your little decisions in one direction rather than the other, it can add up in small ways and start to snowball. So this is where the annoying circular sayings like “to be happy you must choose to be happy” start to make sense once you see it in action.

                  5. So yeah, that has got to be enough typing for now. Loving somebody doesn’t mean they are perfect and that I never have a problem with them. And loving them unconditionally does not mean that I never try to get them to change their ways or improve something. It’s like the old saying “you get out what you put in.”

                  Disclaimer: If you need medication to keep some issue(s) under control, this advice is not meant as a magical “you can do it buddy” alternative to that. I am still on my medications for depression/anxiety and ADHD. So, loving others well is something I choose to do because it is best for me and those around me. However, it is a WHOLE LOT harder to act like I want to act when I am in pain and half asleep all the time.

                • Banana@sh.itjust.works
                  0·
                  10 days ago

                  At least your username is accurate.

                  Love isn’t something you can just show somebody and provide empirical proof of, you have to change your perspective to recognize it, because it’s everywhere.

                  You seem to be in a really not-great place emotionally speaking and that is probably preventing you from being vulnerable with people. Vulnerability is necessary to building deeper connections with people.

                  My advice whether you’re willing to hear it or not is to get used to feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable and open yourself up to people, or you will never build deeper connections.

                  Whether you believe me or not, I won’t be suffering, but opening up may help prevent further suffering on your part.

            • Honytawk@feddit.nl
              0·
              10 days ago

              Greed and Lust exists just as much as Love.

              “TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF GREED, ONE MOLECULE OF LUST”

              ~Death

              But if you had any experience with love, you wouldn’t make those dumb statements about any of them.

        • Banana@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          10 days ago

          I feel sorry that you’ve never experienced or I guess recognized love when you see it, both romantically and platonically. I hope that changes.

    • Banana@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      10 days ago

      Young girls were intentionally manipulated into thinking this behaviour from older men was acceptable. It’s called grooming because these were naive young women who literally did not have the brain development or experience to know that when a man says “you’re so mature for your age”, he’s fucking lying.

      Don’t blame these young women for the grooming and trauma inflicted on them from a young age. Blame society for teaching men that they should be pursuing the youngest women possible.

      • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.worldEnglish
        0·
        11 days ago

        Graduating high school made me a hell of a lot more interesting to a couple of girls. I figured if they weren’t interested before, they weren’t interesting enough.

        • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
          0·
          9 days ago

          The difference being you weren’t desperate enough to take “any hole is a goal” as a motto worth following.

  • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.caEnglish
    0·
    10 days ago

    I accidentally ended up with a very young lady. I know how this will sound, and all I can do is assure everyone that, at least for my part, everything I say is the absolute truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

    I went to college late, I was 23 by the time I applied to college, and turned 24 shortly after starting classes. My birthday is in the first quarter, or so, of the year.

    Anyways. I think I was in my second year of college when I met this girl, I don’t even remember how I met her honestly; it wasn’t a dating app, those things barely existed at the time and I haven’t ever used one; I just haven’t seen the need… Anyways, everything seems cool, she’s telling me she’s 17 and has a bday coming up. At this point I’m 24/25, and I’m thinking that’s a bit young, but since she’s basically 18 at this point, I don’t really see a problem with it… Anyways, birthday happens, Yay, and life goes on. After a few months as things get more and more complicated, as happens in most relationships, I come to find out that her birthday, was her 17th birthday, she was 16 when we met. I’m suddenly very not ok with everything.

    It didn’t last super long after that. She was also preggo with her exes kid and never told me. The relationship was only like 5-6 months long. She lost the kid, I believe it was a miscarriage, and I’m sad for her that happened, but too much weird bullshit and deception was happening so I called it off.

    She wasn’t a good person. She’s on a short list of exes I don’t talk to anymore. Most of my exes I still consider good friends, even if I haven’t seen them in a long time. I’m in a stable, long term relationship with a more age appropriate partner, for… Gosh, it has to be 10 years now? Time flies. There’s… 6? ish years between our ages, and we met when I was 30-something… I’m much happier now. Heh.

    • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 days ago

      This just sounds like you were misled and it was awkward. I don’t think you intended to chase young women.

      When I was in high school in the 80s it was not uncommon for high school girls in higher grades to have adult men as boyfriends. One of my teachers in fact did it, and got put on leave for a while LOL.

      • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.caEnglish
        0·
        9 days ago

        I was hoping that’s how it came across, since that’s what happened. So thank you for the confirmation.

        I’ve never been much for dating significantly younger women, since they’re usually a bit unpredictable. By the time my SO and I got together, we were established in our careers and just looking for someone that wouldn’t constantly stir up drama. Our relationship has thankfully been extremely drama free. If there’s a problem we talk about it like the adults we are.

        • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 days ago

          I honestly question what one does when you are dating someone when you are 15 and 17 respectively, which is no big deal, but then it becomes 17 and 19? Like you aren’t really doing anything wrong, you’ve just had a relationship. But what’s the legal take on that?

          I know someone and this happened to her son, and he ended up on a sex offender database because he was 18, she was 17, and she sent him a nude or something and then cried foul to her parents. I just wonder about these grey areas. Believe it or not there is a subreddit for registered sex offenders so they can try and figure out how to navigate the details of life, and clearly some of their crimes are more along those lines than preying upon an actual child. I don’t think you did anything wrong, I think you just got misled.

          • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.caEnglish
            0·
            8 days ago

            In the instance you specifically cite, depending on the laws in their specific jurisdiction, that can certainly happen. I’m aware that there are laws in some/many areas (honestly not sure how common it is), that I’ve heard referred to as “Romeo and Juliet” laws. They specifically exempt people from such charges if their ages are too similar.

            Of course the specifics are going to depend on the laws in the specific jurisdiction where it happened, when it happened… But I’m aware such laws exist.

  • andros_rex@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 days ago

    My husband kicked me out once he realized flashing his money at 19 year olds worked. The teenagers didn’t ask him to stop playing FIFA and walk his dogs.