I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I’ve been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just “get over it”. I’ve lost almost everyone I’m close to because of this and I’m starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it’s unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
If you are even asking this question, or asking such a question on this website, you are 0-10 behind.
Capitalism’s need for men is exponentially decreasing. Big milestones: industrial revolution, 1970s, big tech’s dominance.
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What got me through what sounds like a very similar divorce for me was being a part of a hobby with an inperson community that met weekly in every large city around me.
I drove probably 300 miles a week going to events to do anything to get my mind off life and spend time with people I actually liked, doing something I enjoyed.
Things that come to mind that will meet this are martial arts, fighting games, and outdoor activities (like biking or hiking groups).
Shitty friends.
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Bro. We’re men. No one cares about us or our feelings. When you come to grips with that. You can explore more self healing directions to go. No one wants to hear about our problems. Also. Your friends are not friends. Find new people if you can.
Trust me. After my ex cheated on me and left me. I felt like death for years.
BUT! It definitely will get better one morning. Just keep your chin up. Brush off the anxiety and go out and see the world.
Unfortunately, your ex may just be better at playing the victim. And if you’re US based, our legal system leans heavily in support of the ex-wife. Especially in the south east.
I know it’s a cliche bit of advice at this point but you should seek therapy. I know that isn’t the same as support from family and friends but based on how you seem to feel triage is what you need to aim for.
There are support groups for divorced men. I highly recommend selling them out. And if you just need to vent you can DM me. I can’t promise to be constant, but I don’t mind chatting when I can.
I have a very good therapist right now, the best I’ve ever had, and he’s helped me a fuck ton.
But I’m afraid I don’t have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
I don’t have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
It may seem that way, but speaking as someone who has suffered a variety of health conditions, as well as anxiety and depression, what seems logical at the moment could very well not be. Your brain can actively work against your best interest in times of extreme stress.
You’re likely in a bad headspace right now, so I’d advise to keep working with your counselor/therapist and discuss this with them.
Also, maybe trite, but things will not always be this bad, but it will if things end for you now. Hang in there if you can. Not judging, I know what it’s like for life to suck so bad you’d rather it be over. I got through that period and I hope you do as well.
Hey, I recognize you from some of the memes you’ve posted and I appreciate them.
Can relate to most of what you have said in this thread and yeah… Understandable.
Still, there is more to life than other people. What about you, what you like what you and care about? Maybe now’s a good time to be selfish and enjoy things just for you.
I will post more memes because of your compliment :)
That’s what I have been working on in therapy. I think I never fully focused on myself in my relationship and that’s why I’m so devastated. She was my only emotional support system
Abusive relationships tend to be like that. Now you’re free and can make up for lost time. There’s too much good music/movies/food/video games/nature to enjoy to let it go to waste. DM if you ever need someone to chat about it with.
Thanks.
There’s no logical reason to clock out early. It stops you from future happiness, prohibits any form of personal growth, and deprives those that appreciate you in their lives of you. It’s a permanent solution for temporary problems.
I’m glad to hear you’re utilizing therapy. It’s a good tool for self maintenance.
And I wouldn’t say you have a mental health issue. You have an emotional health issue. What happened to you sucks. I went through a few of your posts to make sure I wasn’t calling for someone just wanting to create engagement. The fact that it’s a small town and you see her everywhere you go also sucks.
I’d recommend maybe moving if it’s feasible. Definitely take a bit of a vacation. Maybe go camping. Check and see if there’s any retreats going on. Maybe you can get in on some form of group camp outing and make some new friends. Or at the very least meet new people who aren’t part of your day to day.
My therapist used to say feelings are not facts. And that has always stuck with me. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’ve been where you are now. It was a rough year, and there were rough times long after the divorce was finalized. It took me a while, but I picked myself up, found new friends, and got back out there. The best thing you can do for yourself is do things you love to do, and try to meet new people. Staying in your house and ruminating on all the ways your life sucks is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself. Keep your head up, there are people out there that do care about you, and probably many more who will once they get to know you. You just need to find them. <3
But I’m afraid I don’t have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
I am sorry to say that there is no logic behind suicide.
Logically speaking - that is, without emotions - death is not inherently better than life. There is no logical value added by death. You don’t need to choose to live, it just happens on its own. Trust me, it’s surprisingly hard to just wither away. The body doesn’t want to stop.
You would need to choose to die. If it is not inherently better to die than to live, then it is illogical to choose to do something that you do not have any reason to do.
It is only emotion that changes the equation. Emotionally speaking, it sounds like you currently feel that death would be better than life.
But it does not sound like you wanted to die before this year. At least, not nearly like this. If you did not feel this way before, than there is no logical reason to think you will always feel this way later.
It is therefore only temporary, it is only emotional, and it is exclusively a mental health issue that can be resolved with time and effort.
I’m sorry that you’re in this position and I can unfortunately understand on a deep level on just how distressing it can feel to be alone.
This situation that you’re describing is really painfully close to what I personally experienced with one of my own breakups.
Men are often viewed as the ones who should predominantly pull themselves up by their bootstraps and as such shouldn’t be given empathy or the right to be listened to.
- an an Enby I’ve both seen and experienced this firsthand.
It really sucks that these kinds of disconnection happens when reality really doesn’t have to be this way.
I unfortunately can’t say anything that could possibly fix this landscape but please know that you are not alone. 💪
💖🙌 You pain and emotional distress is real, you deserve love just as everyone else. 🔥💖
If possible, I’d highly reaching out to your local social empathy/mental help centres as I’ve personally found help there and they might be able to help you as well🍀🌻
100%
It is, oddly enough, another side effect of misogyny and "the patriarchy " that is not often recognized. Sadly, when it is recognized, it can be distorted by hateful opportunists looking to for profit and influence in the name of men’s rights.
I hope OP finds the support he needs.
I have one particular friend who left me because he thinks I’m anti feminist due to this exact sentiment.
It’s important that you phrase your frustration and anger and sadness entirely on who. This wasn’t women as a whole, this was one woman who stabbed you in the back.
Thanks.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?
Those “two” possibilities might actually just be the same thing. This is what guys deal with BECAUSE people are shitty.
People generally don’t going around looking to help others. People look for ways to make themselves feel better. People with a mantra of helping others may or may not be doing so, but they continue because it is helping them fill a hole in themselves.
I’ve never divorced, but I have had breakups, and I got over them by embracing the hobbies I had before (in my case, programming). That might not be a lot but it’s a start.
First : sorry you are going through this.
Second : yes most guys won’t get the support they need. It sucks.
Third : yes you have shitty people around you
The people who you thought were your friends aren’t. Forget about them. Forget they exist. They aren’t worth your time.
Figure out what you like to do and join a club or group and move forward. Not just get over it. In that new group look for support there. Look for better friends there.
Thanks.
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Do my dogs count?
Yeah I’d be there for my bros if they went through this.
Yea, I have been there for several friends that went through this. If it really is how you say then those people kind of suck atm. Maybe ask one why before you write them off though. Better to know for sure vs remaining angry with people.
OP mentioned in another comment he went alt-right for a bit and came back.
I wouldn’t be there if a friend went off the deep end. I would however call him out for his views and tell him to fuck off vs just ghosting.
Ahh well if that’s the other shoe dropping. I’m always skeptical of folks that never bring up their flaws in the history. OP if that’s true you should own it, and apologize for those beliefs. It’s possible these people were done with you before the divorce.
He commented below with it. Might wanna reply there.
Good on you. In my experience no matter how much you’re there for bros, as soon as shit hits the fan for you it’s “sorry, I’m not really good with that stuff lol” and then they just kind of disappear until you’re magically better.
It’s also not easy to just write people off from your life for being shitty when you’re down and then be left with nobody. People act like “find better friends” is easy. Finding friends at all is hard for most people.
I wouldn’t say his friends are just shitty people. You really have to work with bros to foster a relationship where talking about emotions is acceptable. As men, we are really just ill equipped because of broad ideas about masculinity and its hard cycle to break.
Im willing to bet, if you surveyed his friends, there might be some who are heart broken they didnt know they should have stepped up.
Fair enough
I’d like to strongly challenge your third point. As others have said, there are many reasons people don’t provide emotional support besides “they’re not your friends.” They might not know how to be supportive, they might be afraid of saying the wrong things and causing more hurt, they might have an avoidant attachment style with a deep fear of having others depend on them. We all have moments when we fail to show up for people we care about, and if we respond by ending those relationships, we’ll be left without any at all.
I’m not saying it’s wrong for OP to end those friendships, and I think making new friends is usually a good move. I am saying that - when both parties are willing - being able to name and repair those hurts is part of having healthy relationships.
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Counseling. Please. Quickly.
Weekly. Last session was yesterday.
Good for you. Keep at it, and don’t just think all counselors are the same. If yours is not working for you, just change. No real counselor will be upset if you do.
They will never suggest change themselves
This is the fourth counselor I have had in my life and this guy is by far the best one. I was recommended him by a coworker whom I respect very much.
Medicine helps too. I’m on Bupropion now, after having suicidal thoughts on Lexapro.
It’s been good for me; it has completely eliminated the ideations, even though things in life have actually gotten worse.
I am on lexapro for 5 years and honestly i didn’t think about swapping stuff. Maybe i should ask about adding welbutrin.
Dude. Coming off Lexapro SUCKS, but I’m glad i did.
That’s why im afraid to do so. 5 years taking it. I feel really good on it though, but maybe the effect has faded and I cant even tell. But when i got on it i felt so good.
If you still have a decent hairline be aware that Bupropion is the antidepressant with the strongest association with hair loss according to a meta analysis from ~5 years ago. I know it nuked my hairline after just 3-4 months of being on it.
And to reply to your original topic, yeah, women receive way more support post-breakup in my experience, while men are expected to just suck it up. As a male you’re treated as disposable whose worth is based on what he can offer others, while women are inherently valued for being female.
It is what it is.
Yes, you appear to have shitty people around you, and sadly it is very common for men to deal with this after a divorce. Keep talking to a counselor, dude.
If the people you thought you were close to have ghosted you and are supporting her instead, consider that she may not be honest about the reasons you are divorced and has convinced them she is the sole victim.
It sounds horrible, and one would hope a true friend would ask for your story first. But it’s pretty common to readily believe the women are the victims in unhealthy relationships, especially of men.
We dont want to judge, dismiss or blame victims, so we readily believe people when they claim to be one. This is especially true of women.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?
The latte,.been there done that 30 years ago albeit I keft (no cheating involved)
Good licwk amd hope u can come out the other side and not be bitter.
Because Men aren’t allowed to feel any emotion, and it’s always our fault no matter what. Like how any type of masculinity is toxic and chivalry is considered rude or borderline SA.
And it’s only getting worse.
Honestly, I think you got to kill yourself on the inside or be a republican. And its better to die then be a republican. I keep being told the left cares about my feelings, but they only care about the ones they want me to have and not the ones I do have.
Reps and Dems are so far gone that neither care about each other. I was a conservative when I was in the Army, but watching the left and the right battle each other recently, I’ve been slipping towards the moderate side.
Just don’t want to affiliate with either and just live in the middle of nowhere.I know I troll a lot on here but I just want to get these emotions out and get a different perspective on things.
My psychiatrist tells me that I need to open up more, but I feel that if I do, I’d just explode.
Oh well. No need to spill that on here. Whoops.
*Also, Republicans aren’t that bad. Democrats are just as bad from a different direction. At some point, they’re just Nazis pointing at each other with how far apart they are.
Because we are the problem. Never them. It takes a decade of shitty treatment to be seen as the problem. Everyone expects you to keep on keeping on and quit complaining.
I only say this as being divorced for a decade now. My son lives with me since her Insanity is apparent to him. I get sympathy from my family now, but in the beginning I was on my own.
