I’ve got no problem with them, but these are obviously kids who grew up in a different age than me, and it shows, I know what could seem a joke to me could come off different to them. Especially this being In the trades and the type of jokes we make here. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, we’re all trying to just get through the day after all

Edit: I have learned, they used to be female, transitioned to male. (So trans-masc? I’m probably messing that up) Lesbian, and non-binary, thankfully they brought it up which was very helpful as I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to ask

  • Taleya@aussie.zoneEnglish
    0·
    3 months ago

    Pick the one that’s been working there longest and ask them these questions. Check in they feel ok with how the workplace is trucking

  • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    3 months ago

    Treat them like anyone else by default and make accommodations if you need to and it’s reasonable.

    You’re asking with good intentions, but the best answer for any group will always be that. Shit, not even by groups. On a human by human basis just do that, there’s a crazy amount of human variation and it’s not always obvious.

  • zebidiah@lemmy.ca
    0·
    3 months ago

    You’re not a dick for getting someone’s pronouns wrong… You’re a dick if you intentionally and continuously misgender them on purpose.

    • thiseggowaffles@lemmy.zip
      0·
      3 months ago

      Exactly. Sure it sucks when it happens by accident, but it’s to be expected to some extent. It’s when someone is doing it intentionally to fuck with you that it really gets under your skin. It’s disrespectful.

    • chiliedogg@lemmy.world
      0·
      3 months ago

      I still mess up my sister’s spouse. They’re NB, but kept their name, hobbies, etc. To me, they’re the exact same awesome person they’ve always been, so I still screw up and call them by male pronouns.

      I 100% support them, but I screw up and it feels bad.

    • faintwhenfree@lemmus.orgEnglish
      0·
      3 months ago

      Well, I have had two people tell me very rudely that I’m an asshole because I got their pronoun wrong because they had it at the start of the presentation somewhere. And I also have had dozens more who corrected me politely a couple of times and then I’d just remember the right pronouns.

      Assholes are assholes magrinalized or not.

  • hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    0·
    3 months ago

    Well, one thing I know is: make sure you don’t out them. If a kid has transphobic parents, you really don’t want to accidentally inform them their kid is trans.

      • LadyButterflyshe/her@lazysoci.al
        0·
        3 months ago

        Great start. It also goes for work. Even if they’re open about it, just don’t allow comment on it at all at work. People quite often say “so there’s a lad working on X team and he’s trans but you’d never know” or needlessly say “oh yeah Katie, she’s trans”. Shut that down RUTHLESSLY around you unless the trans person says not to

        • NιƙƙιDιɱҽʂ@lemmy.world
          0·
          3 months ago

          I dont understand people’s need to share shit like that.

          It’s up there with (though obviously not as private and sensitive as) when people tell you a story about someone they interacted with and just have to make sure you know the skin colour of the person when it holds zero relevance to the story.

  • Ms. ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zipEnglish
    0·
    3 months ago

    I’m trans. To me the most important thing about jokes in the workplace is when a cis person says something that I can twist into being a deadpan trans joke (of varying riskiness depending on the group). Either the cis person will softlock while trying to determine the ethics of laughing or they’ll go for it and potentially apologize. It’s always a win in my book though

  • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    0·
    3 months ago

    Honestly, just tell them to let you know, in private if they feel it necessary, if you make them uncomfortable. In general, jokes about people being trans/gendernonconforming are ok, as long as it’s not the one “joke” – identifying as an attack helicopter/dragon/ridiculous things. Pretty much just don’t make fun of them for being trans, but it’s fine finding humor about their transition, if it makes sense. It’s generally pretty easy to tell when someone has a problem with you being trans and is going to be a dick to you under the veil of humor, and when someone is joking around with you. Just make sure they know to let you know if you make them uncomfortable, and tey not to be a dick. The fact that you’re asking makes me think pretty much anything you’d consider saying is forgivable at worst.

    Edit: I kinda fixated on the joke part, mostly because everything else is pretty simple. If you mess up pronouns or anything like that, don’t make a big deal out of it, just correct yourself and move on. They’re just another person

      • Rentlar@lemmy.ca
        0·
        3 months ago

        Your comment highlights one of the difficulties I find with going between treating someone exactly as you would anyone else, while also dealing with particular sensitivities or sensibilities of that person. Even trying to describe how to be less offensive, includes wording that can sound offensive to some, justifiably so based on experience.

        But all in all, I think most people will recognize good faith efforts and accept quick apologies and corrections when we make mistakes. We’re not perfect.

        • Randomocity@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          0·
          3 months ago

          Completely agree and it doesn’t help that it’s an ever moving goalpost. I feel like most people understand that as long as you are acting in good faith it’s all fine.

  • Libra00@lemmy.mlEnglish
    0·
    3 months ago

    Respect them for who they are, and listen to them if they tell you you’re fucking it up, just like you would with anyone else. It’s almost as if trans people are just people. ;)

  • shaggyb@lemmy.world
    0·
    3 months ago

    If you struggle with pronouns, apologize casually when the pronouns come up.

    As a fellow old, the kids don’t seem to necessarily get it that my brain is wired pretty hard not to change pronouns, but they do seem to appreciate the effort and the discussion that it’s a challenge rather than just fucking it up with no explanation.

    Otherwise, be mindful that they take a lot of shit for parts of themselves that are background attributes for the rest of us. They can get pretty tired of it. A friendly person who regards them as just people may be the best thing they can get from anyone.

  • Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world
    0·
    3 months ago

    Your job is to train them. They’re people. You’re a person. Just go with that

    I think if you love as a person them you’ll be good.

    That’s what I do and it’s worked out pretty great!

  • 𝕱𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍@lemmy.world
    0·
    3 months ago

    Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry

    –

    There’s really not a lot to it. Respect their chosen names and pronouns, and don’t ask them random questions about being trans unless they’re open to it. They know more about themselves than you do, so trust them. Listen when/if they get close enough to talk about their experiences, and reassure them that this is a safe space. We just want a basic level of respect and empathy.

    Happy to answer any questions.

  • Pudutr0n@feddit.cl
    0·
    3 months ago

    This is not a comprehensive list, but you should probably avoid talking about your sex life.

  • Hello_there@fedia.io
    0·
    3 months ago

    Just start saying ‘they’ for everyone that’s work related. No matter on LGBT status.
    Makes it easier to not fuck up.

    • Creat@discuss.tchncs.de
      0·
      3 months ago

      I assume op is English speaking, but just fyi this doesn’t work in every language, would make things a lot simpler.

    • snooggums@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      3 months ago

      I already do this with because of how many people I know and work with that have names not exclusively used by men or women.

      • njordomir@lemmy.world
        0·
        3 months ago

        I work with enough foreigners that I almost HAVE to do this since I rarely see them face to face and have no real indicators aside from their name. If your name is 20 characters long and 18 of them are consonants, I’m gonna use “they” at work, just to avoid any undue offense. So far, if someone had a problem with me it was because of my employer, not my own words or behavior.

    • scarabic@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      3 months ago

      It’s a good place to start. Sometimes a trans person wants gendered pronouns. But it’s better to use something neutral than to use the wrong one. I have always found that if you use the actual right pronouns, even once, it shows you are trying and that is appreciated forever.

    • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      0·
      3 months ago

      As a trans person, no, do not do this. This is known as degendering people. It shows a total disregard for putting forth any effort to understand or respect others. We always know when people do this because it is still misgendering when you know their pronouns are not they/them.

      While using they/them pronouns for all queer people or using a person’s name instead of a pronoun might feel easier for certain people, this is also a form of misgendering called “degendering.”

      https://lgbtq.ucsf.edu/pronouns-101

      It feels gross, it’s not a viable solution.

      • RedPostItNote@lemmy.worldEnglish
        0·
        3 months ago

        If you’re going to take people’s honest attempts at being polite as an attack, you’re going to have a bad life.

        • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          0·
          3 months ago

          Victim blaming and belittling other people’s problems is also lame, try not to do that, either.

          “Ow this hurts me please stop”

          “If you take this as an attack, you’re dumb and will be miserable, so just don’t”

          • frozen@lemmy.frozeninferno.xyz
            0·
            3 months ago

            I think where you’re messing up is making the assumption that the person will stick with “they” even after learning pronouns. Defaulting to they when a person doesn’t know is just the smart, respectful play. As long as the person makes an honest effort to use the correct pronoun when corrected, that’s all that can be asked.

            • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
              0·
              3 months ago

              Being respectful is definitely the heart of it. I think it’s important to make a show of goodwill and listen even if you accidentally fuck stuff up. We’re all human and make mistakes, and like you say, it’s the honest effort that makes all the difference and is all that’s ever really asked.

        • DrivebyHaiku@lemmy.caEnglish
          0·
          3 months ago

          Hey, enby here. While I definitely benefit from they being a default I have enough binary trans friends who have this experience. What the person you are replying to is giving you is something referred to as nuance. A solve put forward by a well meaning cis person doesn’t automatically work just because it seems like it should to you. Sometimes it causes new problems and when someone tells you about them it’s a good idea to not assume it’s them trying to be a dick or difficult about something but actually explaining why that solve isn’t always a good thing.

          If your intention is to make a trans person actually comfortable instead of getting defensive then listening when these things come up instead of telling them they are trying to be trouble on purpose is the play.

          Not everything works for every trans person and inside the trans community there is something sometimes referred to as “the coward’s they”. It’s a well known phenomenon where a physical transition gets to a certain point the brain stops easily registering and sorting someone as being their birth sex because they seemlessly look and act as their gender so the automatic neurological system of assigning them a sex value flips fully to the new and desired setting. You see it on conservative media sometimes where they slip up and use the actual correct pronouns and have to correct themselves back over to using the wrong pronouns… Problem being is it causes the same mental redirect issues for a Conservative actively dodging the automatic reaction as learning to use Non-binary pronouns so as a compromise these people use “they” instead because it is easier to trick the sorter and strand themselves in the safe neutral ground where they can identify a person as “not actually a woman/man” without triggering their audience by using correct pronouns for a trans person.

          When you use they/them pronouns for a binary trans person it’s interpreted by the brain of the trans person as you seeing and reacting to all the aspects of their body that makes them visibly trans and your brain’s automatic sex recognition system sorting them into this “not enough” category. It’s effectively less hurtful than full misgendering… But it still pings the bit of the brain that is seeing their own body through your perception via your words. It causes they same dysphoric reaction where their mind picks over all the parts of their body that would cause you to react by misgendering or degendering them. The whole point of preferred pronouns is to help us stop that mental reaction from happening as much.

          It is perfectly safe to use they/them pronouns for cis people who do not have dysphoric reactions at all and for non-binary people who actively use those pronouns but if someone rocks up looking like they are trying to project a full binary situation it’s worth going for the full binary pronoun option because they are specifically putting in the work to be as obvious as possible so that people know that’s what they want.

    • hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      0·
      3 months ago

      Use they, unless you know their pronouns. Unfortunately, a lot of people use “they” because they don’t want to use the correct pronouns and it seems more innocent than just overtly misgendering someone.