I think it half-exists. I speak from a deep inspection of will performed while meditating.
There is a spark of energy that arises from my mysterious depths, that preceeds choice. I dunno where it comes from. Like I said, mysterious depths.
The spark enters this world and takes its form from it. Becomes a choice. Taking form from formlessness like breath blown into a flute. Or a player’s will injected into a videogame.
That “spark” is whatever consciousness is in the end I think. Everything else is subject to direct inspection and can be found to be deterministic or emergent, not actually subject to any kind of “will”. I speak also from insights gained while meditating (or doing psychedelics 🤗)
Need for small talk suggests the contents of your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk, I wish you the best in finding someone similar who can appreciate its value to your life. I’ll be elsewhere and hope you wish me the same luck. Anything that is meaningfully impactful to my partner however, is never small talk.
I’m afraid you’ve missed the point. Smalltalk is about maintaining and strengthening relationship, which involves knowing about each others’ lives and feelings. And it does double duty: taking the time to ask and listen is a way to express that the other person is important enough to you - i.e. to express love.
It’s not the only way, and many of us don’t do well at smalltalk, but it’s a valuable way. And,
your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk
Indeed! It means your thoughts have time for the other person’s life and feelings.
For many, small talk does not strengthen or maintain a relationship. It is something that works for some people. Others endure it for the sake of the one who does but it doesn’t hold the same role for them and is not a necessity to have a loving and healthy relationship for everyone. Just as we express and receive love differently, small talk doesn’t serve the same role in everyone’s life. If it does for you, that’s great, hopefully you’re getting what you need.
As for the double duty, that is true of all communication, whether small or not. As noted above, it may be an expression of love for some people, but it’s far from universal.
Not everyone finds the smaller, and often repetitive, experiences of their day to be important or valuable and people are perfectly capable of having time for the other person’s life and feelings without the focus being those smaller topics or experiences. Additionally, some people have more important/larger concerns in their day to day life than how the frappuccino from Starbucks was that morning.
It sounds like you value smalltalk in your life but may not accept that it isn’t as widespread as you seem to imply. I don’t doubt it does what you claim for yourself and others you know. Lastly, what one considers small talk varies greatly, topics of seeming low import may be more meaningful within the shared lives of the couple, depending on what going on.
In this moment you are euphoric.
deleted by creator
Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
That’s the point of this post. That’s fun for me too. But if you’re living with someone, you’ve found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long “what is the meaning of life?” conversation you’ve been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it’s nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
This seems more like extroverts’ misconceptions of how introverts are, rather than an actual issue to me. I don’t tend to seek out relationships with highly extroverted people who can’t stand the idea of a moment where nobody is saying something, regardless of how inane that thing happens to be. At present, my companion and I have known each other for pushing 15 years, and we’re just comfortable being quiet around each other, unless one of us actually has something to say. If one of us actually has something they want to communicate about their day, or some other typical topic for small talk, we’re more than capable of talking each others’ ears off, we just don’t feel any need to run through conversations like:
“How was your day?”
“Good, yours?”
“Also acceptable.”
on a regular basis, unless we actually have something we wanted to discuss.
It’s also not as though we don’t have any hobbies or interests. We’ve got plenty of shared ones, and enjoy discussing them and planning out future activities, we just tend to do it either solo or together, but without involving large groups. Even for those we don’t share, we enjoy discussing them with each other to a certain extent.
There’s a huge difference between disliking pointless, socially expected chatter to fill dead air, and having some sort of social anxiety that leaves you unable to sustain regular conversations with others in your life. People who are not introverted just seem to assume that we either wish we could do it, but have some sort of condition that prevents us from being able to do so without it causing us problems, or that we just never learned how to do it properly, and would enjoy it for some reason if they just kept trying to get us to do it more and practice. I’m sure there are people that would apply to, but it’s not universal, and many of us would just like to be left in peace, unless you actually have something to say. Sometimes, we even meet others like ourselves, and enjoy our peace together, without the pointless talk that we both know neither is really interested in.
Relevant meme:
you’ve found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years
I met my wife when we were 16-17. We are in our 40s now. It’s reasonable to expect that our opinions on such subjects have changed since then.
But there are plenty of subjects to talk about. How is the current environment in the US going to impact our kids’ lives going forward? Even if we know each other’s general perspectives on life, the universe, and everything, that doesn’t mean we can also predict opinions on complex scenarios and situations.
“What do you want for dinners next week?” while planning the groceries list is not small talk. What shall we do this weekend. Its not “what is the meaning of life” but it is important still the same. What Kitty just did is also important because we both care about Kitty’s well being. There is lots to talk about that is not deep philosophical stuff, but still important.
So this person thinks they can choose small talk? curious.
Like yeah, exactly. With the right person, you can talk for hours and hours about all kinds of stuff that interests you.
with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
Absolutely, but a lot of people don’t understand that you can’t arrive to that point by not ever “small talking” along the way. Small-talk is how we express to each other how we feel, how we want to be talked to, what we notice around us and so on. It’s a critical component to socializing. Conversations between human beings doesn’t play out narratively like in media and movies, there’s no “point” to conversing with someone you’re close to, you’re just sharing shit.
This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
One of the best relationships I ever had.
We still don’t talk sometimes
For hours, every day, for years or decades? That has never happened.
But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
The way I understand “Smalltalk” is not whether the subject matter is “serious enough” but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
This exactly. “Do you think free will exists” could, in fact, be small talk, if neither of you is particularly interested in the topic.
Exactly. I can’t remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
It turns out, it’s not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren’t even really talking to each other, but they’re just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, “I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today.”
It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don’t need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
My partner will talk to herself, loud enough to be audible, but not (to deaf me.) loud enough to be coherent. Drives me fucking insane. I have my ways of driving her insane.
That may be a blessing for the both of you, friend.
Sorry mate, that’s gone right over my head. She’s said to me that “love is putting up with your partners downsides”. I’m a massive pain in the arse, so …
She’s not wrong. I just meant her muttering may be about the downsides. Not always, ofc, because I’m single and still mutter.
Nah, it’s about what she’s doing or whatever’s going on.
Indeed I can confirm.
Just a few days ago I pondered the life of plants and asked my wife how she thinks the death of a plant is defined if for animals (including humans of course) it’s mostly the heartbeat.
So when is a plant dead?
When you see its little planty soul waft up to heaven.
Talk about the stuff that interests you, you know, the small stuff
Small stuff doesn’t really interest me, or my partner.
Doesn’t mean we’re incapable of discussing dinner plans or cleaning schedules.
Was meant as a joke :)
My wife asks how my day was “great, or good, or whatever” then I ask how her day was she usually stops talking before bedtime. Works for both of us!
These kinds of philosophical questions are easily defeated by asking “does it matter though?”
Old friend of mine: “Will this matter at my funeral?”
I guess, if they answer “No” or “Yeah your simple rebuttal has made me realize the problem of free will is nbd actually”.
But if they say “Yes. It does matter.” Then suddenly it isn’t defeated and you’d need to provide a compelling argument for it not mattering, which would make for good conversation.
“It does if you are mad about me cheating on you.”
I don’t think that defeats it at all, it just changes the direction of the conversation and is as deeply philosophical as the first. Some might say life goes on with or without free will so it doesn’t matter, other say that the a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt, and could reshape society in very profound ways, so of course it matters.
a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt
Those cops, judges, lawyers, jail guards etc also don’t have free will, so while maybe the burden of guilt is gone, the legal repercussions still would exist all the same.
There is value in asking the question and in the consideration itself. Even if we never find the answer, it’s good for our brains to think about these things. Knowledge, and the search for it, can be an end unto itself. We don’t always need to do something with it.
it may not matter at all, but we’re here, somehow, made of sentient flesh, kept on a giant rock hurling through space, spinning around an enormous buring ball of fire. it’s all bizarre and none of us knows what is going on, so why not take some time out of the lives we live as statistical abnormalities, and just ponder on the whys and hows and whats of the things around us, and our own minds
A continous nuclear explosion even.
Yep.
Hi honey did you see today’s shitposts memes?
Small talk != big talk
I would even say: Big talk > small talk
Silence is bliss while doing your own hobbies together.
“Look, I told you yesterday, I don’t care. Whatever I said the first time we had this discussion, today, on the 937th time, I no longer give a shit.”
Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
But pray tell doth the burrito qualify as a sandwich
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
Is that becsuse you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
Well see life itself is a burrito. If you don’t make sure you have cheese and sour cream, well seasoned proteins, beans the way you like, delicious rice, maybe a bit of salsa and always hot sauce it just isn’t fulfilled.
Some people are happy with spicier sarcasm in their lives, others more mild. But if you don’t have a good foundation to wrap it all up in it’ll fall to pieces.
It’s not deep, it’s just a burrito
It’s because the burrito is getting cold.
Destiny!
Entropy!
Man I really hate AI ‘upscaled’ images like this. It still looks bad! A JPEG artifact image and an AI ‘shitscaled’ image are both shit, just in different ways.
And upscaling and image of text of all things, you could write out the text in less time than it would take to do this dumb upscaling shit.
