Like usually every minute I’d quickly look around to make sure there aren’t weirdos following me.
For context: I’m a young-adult male, but I don’t exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I’m every time I see anyone that looks “tough” I don’t feel safe.
When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual “stranger danger” talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.
So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I’d always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I’d be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there’s weirdos following.
Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don’t exactly live in a “slum”, but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it’a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.
I don’t carry a gun, don’t wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don’t want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.
I mean, I’m probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there’s anyone else out there think thinks like me.
I don’t look around like I’m being followed, but I keep my head on a swivel for anything. Wild animal, car out of control, etc. seen enough videos of people getting fucked up by random things.
I’m a 6’2" guy and people only mess with me if they’re intoxicated. I’m always completely aware of my surroundings unless I’m in a crowded place that should be safe (like malls and airports).
All my sketchy encounters were on public transit, so I no longer take it in my city (transit in Denver is THE FUCKING WORST). I’ve been threatened and followed multiple times by drugged out weirdos, but let me tell you about the two worst incidents: 1) I was jumped and attacked by a random guy at an empty train station, there was nobody around to help or even witness and I ran for my life as he chased me; 2) guy at a bus stop recognized me from my workplace and he followed me on the bus to my girlfriend’s place and then on another bus back to my home and he started hanging around outside my workplace hoping to run into me. So yeah most of the time I’m hyper-aware of everything happening around me in public and you’re right to be as well.
6’2 white man and I often walk with a dog, so no, people do not fuck with me.
If I were a woman tho I’d be carrying a weapon, but not paranoid about it.
I don’t necessarily look around like I’m being followed. But it took me a very long time to be comfortable listening to music or having headphones on while walking, or in public at all.
The idea of not being able to hear my surroundings and be ready to react to something is still really weird to me. It takes all of my mental effort to put it to the back of my brain while walking my dog.
It’s not even necessarily worrying about someone with malicious intent. It could be not being able to sense another walker coming up behind me. Or two kids playing catch and a ball going astray towards my face. Just the idea of not having situational awareness at all times freaks me out.
I’m a woman, so yeah. Especially while living in America right now.
I don’t. I do make sure I’m not in a way of anyone. And I walk on purpose. I do check before opening/getting in the car.
Depends on the circumstances. If I’m walking on a street or neighborhood someone told me they got mugged on I’ll be way more aware and observant than otherwise. Same if I’m walking in nature it’s good to look behind regularly to be familiar with how the trail looks both ways so you don’t get turned around on the way back or if there are large predators in the area. If I’m walking around my neighborhood I’ll be much more selective about when I’m more observant because I know where the poorly lit areas and blind corners are, and more so at 2am than 2pm.
Speaking of mugging, someone snatched a few hundred dollars from my mom when she was about to deposit it in the bank. Happened just a few blocks from my house. Perhaps that was subconciously in the back of my mind.
Dell your perception is not that greate as you have yet to spot me whenever I follow you
Look at it like driving - you should be looking as far down the road as you can for “threats”, and maintaining awareness of other cars and their behaviour all around you, and behind you, so you can predict what they’re going to do.
We teach “Defensive Driving”, which includes avoiding risky situations - don’t let yourself get boxed in, watch for that car driving… assertively, and create a space for them to go so they don’t cause problems for the rest of them, etc.
Rest of life is not really different - situational awareness is the primary tool for our safety. Don’t step into the street without looking, don’t walk under that ladder or scaffolding (things fall from work sites all the time), walk through the yard with the barking dog, etc.
Threats from people just become part of your overall situational awareness.
I recommend the book “The Gift of Fear” By Gavin deBecker. He essentially espouses the usefulness of fear and situational awareness.
Maybe this will help you reframe what seems paranoid fear into something more reasonable and useful.
I’ve been punched in the face by passers-by without any provocation in my life before, which has led to me constantly being vigilant.
Bruh wtf
Not a good time. Definitely one of those loss of innocence moments. I used to stride fearlessly through the city in the middle of the night, and I have not quite gotten that back yet. It’s better, but not the same.
As a woman, yes, especially at night, because I value my life.
Yes. Always. I even make sure I’m listening to audio books so I can hear.
Is this sarcasm? Lol
Nope, paranoia.
Nope. I always have a weapon on me (stun gun usually), and that makes me feel more secure.
Situational awareness is the best weapon anyone can have.
Having a weapon but no situational awareness diminishes the usefulness of any weapon.
I’d rather identify a threat well in advance, and avoid it, then rely on defending myself with a weapon because I wasn’t paying attention.
This gives off “I trained with the blade…” Kind of vibes.
Did you ever find anyone was following you? Or ever heard of a friend who was followed?
It surely happens but so do meteorite impacts and such cases make news because they’re special. If it’s not showing up in regional statistics (the nearest couple million people or so) and you don’t even know a friend of a friend for whom checking would have been useful, I’d say it’s unnecessary in the place where you are
You’re not cautious, you’re paranoid and fearful to the point it’s a bit concerning for your mental health (although the suicidal ideation tells me the whole situation is more than just a bit concerning). You know this ain’t normal, you know that’s not how people are meant to live their lives, you know this cannot continue for long before you either snap at/hurt someone who didn’t mean any harm or your mind breaks.
I know living in the USA cannot help your mental stability but it’s not a favela, it really ain’t that dangerous. Maybe moving to a smaller city or a town would work? Sometimes it’s easier to change our circumstances than to change ourselves, and sometimes the former allows the letter as well.
He isn’t paranoid and fearful. He just accidently created a benign habit.
Benign? The man cannot be outside without being in constant fear!
Well, maybe for men who are strong, they would feel safe all the time. But I’m not exactly a muscular guy, I’m just average.
Kinda in the same category as most women. Maybe statistically less likely to get SA’ed, but still, muggings, random assults, hate crimes?
My mom got robbed for a few hundred dollars just a fee blocks from my house.
Some kid was throw things at my grandma.
There’ve been hate crimes against Asian Americans since 2020. It never really went away.
Before 2020, it was “stranger danger” and as a kid, it was easy for adults to target you. But now? Its actual hate crimes.
So like, as an Asian American, this is like you telling a Black person in the South to “stop being in constant fear”.
Even in supposedly “liberal” cities, you got people in NYC being attacked. Even native americans got blamed for covid. Like native american can you imagine the insanity?
I think your comment was probably made in good faith, but you’re lacking context for what the US is like. Perhaps your area is very safe, in that case, I’m glad you have that safety, but things are kinds chaotic here. I mean, most of the world, other than small close-knit communities, the world is chaotic.
I remember people yelling racial slurs at me in school, and once even by kids younger than me.
Being a man doesn’t make you safer, not unless you’re a very muscular-looking man (which I’m not).
