Hey there lemmy, I need some help, I have this friend who is totally in denial about being a girl, she always insists that she is a boy but she likes to wear women’s clothes, style her hair, paint her nails, etc. She even talks about wanting to look cute and fem. Basically she’s all the way there, but she keeps denying her true identity, saying dumb things like “I’m a boy” or “he/they please”. I can tell she likes being called by she/her though because of how flustered and red she gets when I do it, especially in public or in front of her or my friends.
Please help a girl out here, how can I convince her of the fact that she’s a trans girl and not a boy? I tried talking to her about her fashion choices, how it’s not normal for boys to wear skirts, thigh highs, or a bow in their hair, but she doesn’t listen and insists she’s a boy. I also told her that boys don’t fantasize about looking cute and girly, then she gets all flustered and tries to make stupid non-sensical arguments about how she can still be a boy. I feel so sad for her, I just want to help but she’s more resistant than any egg I’ve come across.
OP is probably a troll but just in case anyone is unaware, forcing a gender/pronouns on someone is 100% not ok regardless of what gender you think they ought to be
Wow, rude. I just want to help my trans friend who is seriously in-denial of her trans identity. Denial is a serious problem you know.
Not every male that dresses as a female is transgender, you should respect that. Cross-dressers who do not identify as the gender they dress as but enjoy dressing that way have existed essentially since the dawn of time. Respect your friends preferences.
She said she wants boobs tho, how many cis boys can you think of want boobs?
All of them? (The straight boys anyway…)
All I want is boobs!
Are you sure you’re cis UwU
I’m a cis boy and I have boobs.
Do you like them? If so might want to re-evaluate that first part.
Why do YOU need her to be trans?
Staning hard for that bussy but is afraid of being gay.
Him/them*
(This particular person is probably fictional, but respecting someone’s pronouns is good practice regardless)
You’ve had the conversation, they don’t agree with you. If you’re really their friend, respect them enough to mind your business going forward. This isn’t your call to make.
Ex-conservative here, this reeks of an extremely angry person hoping to prove something about social contagion and “trans people want to bring femaleness back to 50’s stereotypes”, and minus the comedy at the end of the first paragraph this is roughly how I would have written it about 10 years ago if I’d had the guts to lie to hundreds of people. Read their post and comment history (before they delete their account) for other signs like “I experienced misogyny and it gave me awesome gender euphoria”
Even if you have genuinely good intentions, it is really not your place to determine things like this for another regardless of what is or isn’t going on.
You do not know your friend’s gender better than they do and you are actively misgendering them. Don’t do this.
Even if you’re right (nothing you’ve written suggests you are) it’s shitty to try to force someone to come out before they’re ready.
How would you like it if a “friend” insisted on you being a man? That’s exactly what you’re doing.
That’s different, what you are describing is blatant transphobia. I’m trying to help her realize her trans identity, not deny it.
Wow you sound like a really shitty “friend”.
Looks like BlahajZone disagree, considering you’re banned from there instance-wide.
Consider that gender is a made up concept and one can actually pick and choose any part of any gender norm to apply to themselves.
Also consider that your friend might not be ready for a potential next step in their gender discovery journey and you should respect that. Just be a safe person to come out to when/if they’re ready. Choosing their pronouns for them is both rude as fuck and potentially dangerous for them.
You’ve heard of TERFs?
Meet the Twink Exclusionary Radical Transwoman.
You are not using this person’s preferred pronouns and are trying to force them to fit your preconceived notions about how people should be. Perhaps you should take a step back and do some introspection before you potentially lose a friend.
I also told her that boys don’t fantasize about looking cute and girly
Why not? Should we still go with the stereotype that boys need to hate the color pink? That they need to love working with cars and being good at DYI?
Leave your friend be.You think boys talk about wanting to have boobs or practice making their voice girly? Come on, it’s so obvious she’s a girl.
Your friend doesn’t have to be a binary trans woman to be interested in anything you’ve described.
She’s still definitely trans, no AMAB who wants boobs is really cis ya know.
How about letting your friend be like many other people have said before? And don’t misgender them if you wouldn’t like to be misgendered.
All you have described is on you thinking inside traditional gender roles. If he wants to be a boy, it does not matter how ‘girly’ you think he is. Everything besides accepting his pronouns is misgendering and thatcs it. There are no exceptions.
People can be transgender in-denial. That means they are trans and don’t know it yet. I’m almost 100% certain she is trans, even though she denies it. It sucks because it’ll be harder for her to pass if she doesn’t transition in the near future, that’s why it’s important to break the egg sooner than later.
Trying to put anyone in a box they don’t want to be in is the most Boomer thing I’ve heard all day. And I’ve been watching 90s sitcoms!
Not sure but you shouldn’t butt in your friends life and convince them that they are transgender or not. That’s for them to discover, not you. If you somehow “convince” them that they are and they actually still don’t believe it deep down, but still try and adapt to it, their life might become pretty messy, and the one at fault would be ultimately you.
But if she stays in denial too long it could be hard for her to pass in the future and she’d have more dysphoria from that that she wouldn’t have if she’d stop being stupid and accept that she’s trans whether she likes it or not.
As previously said by my comment and many others. Don’t butt in. This is their life and their identity is for them to change, not you. All you can do as someone else other than themselves is support them, not convince them.
Do not underestimate the importance of one’s identity. If tinkered with without care, it could lead to serious depression, which could lead to suicide. Both of them are worse than the ones you mentioned in your comment.
it could lead to serious depression, which could lead to suicide.
Those things also result from Gender Dysphoria, which can be made worse from not passing due to late transition.
As a warning, if you keep being ignorant about this and keep that idea of yours about having the permission to be able to control your friend’s identity by forcing your opinion on them and making them change forcefully, I will have to ban you from this community for trolling.
Reply within the next hour with “Understood.” and this post will be locked as you got enough information from the users.
Banned user for a week as no reply was received within the hour for trolling.
You can never be 100% certain of someone’s identity. Them being “definitely trans” is literally your opinion, and your opinion only. It’s good if what you want to convince them is their real identity, but what if it isn’t? What can you do when that happens? Nothing. Not only will your friendship end, but their life will also be horrible. The best thing to do in this situation is for you to leave them be and support them.
This is as bad and toxic as telling a trans they’re a boy/girl. Just don’t.
