Hey there lemmy, I need some help, I have this friend who is totally in denial about being a girl, she always insists that she is a boy but she likes to wear women’s clothes, style her hair, paint her nails, etc. She even talks about wanting to look cute and fem. Basically she’s all the way there, but she keeps denying her true identity, saying dumb things like “I’m a boy” or “he/they please”. I can tell she likes being called by she/her though because of how flustered and red she gets when I do it, especially in public or in front of her or my friends.
Please help a girl out here, how can I convince her of the fact that she’s a trans girl and not a boy? I tried talking to her about her fashion choices, how it’s not normal for boys to wear skirts, thigh highs, or a bow in their hair, but she doesn’t listen and insists she’s a boy. I also told her that boys don’t fantasize about looking cute and girly, then she gets all flustered and tries to make stupid non-sensical arguments about how she can still be a boy. I feel so sad for her, I just want to help but she’s more resistant than any egg I’ve come across.
All you have described is on you thinking inside traditional gender roles. If he wants to be a boy, it does not matter how ‘girly’ you think he is. Everything besides accepting his pronouns is misgendering and thatcs it. There are no exceptions.
People can be transgender in-denial. That means they are trans and don’t know it yet. I’m almost 100% certain she is trans, even though she denies it. It sucks because it’ll be harder for her to pass if she doesn’t transition in the near future, that’s why it’s important to break the egg sooner than later.
Trying to put anyone in a box they don’t want to be in is the most Boomer thing I’ve heard all day. And I’ve been watching 90s sitcoms!
Not sure but you shouldn’t butt in your friends life and convince them that they are transgender or not. That’s for them to discover, not you. If you somehow “convince” them that they are and they actually still don’t believe it deep down, but still try and adapt to it, their life might become pretty messy, and the one at fault would be ultimately you.
But if she stays in denial too long it could be hard for her to pass in the future and she’d have more dysphoria from that that she wouldn’t have if she’d stop being stupid and accept that she’s trans whether she likes it or not.
As previously said by my comment and many others. Don’t butt in. This is their life and their identity is for them to change, not you. All you can do as someone else other than themselves is support them, not convince them.
Do not underestimate the importance of one’s identity. If tinkered with without care, it could lead to serious depression, which could lead to suicide. Both of them are worse than the ones you mentioned in your comment.
Those things also result from Gender Dysphoria, which can be made worse from not passing due to late transition.
As a warning, if you keep being ignorant about this and keep that idea of yours about having the permission to be able to control your friend’s identity by forcing your opinion on them and making them change forcefully, I will have to ban you from this community for trolling.
Reply within the next hour with “Understood.” and this post will be locked as you got enough information from the users.
Banned user for a week as no reply was received within the hour for trolling.
You can never be 100% certain of someone’s identity. Them being “definitely trans” is literally your opinion, and your opinion only. It’s good if what you want to convince them is their real identity, but what if it isn’t? What can you do when that happens? Nothing. Not only will your friendship end, but their life will also be horrible. The best thing to do in this situation is for you to leave them be and support them.
This is as bad and toxic as telling a trans they’re a boy/girl. Just don’t.