Coconut would be believably available on the island, and you could have a whole arc when he runs out of water and fights over killing his friend to drink the juice, like a schizophrenic episode
Plus the sexual tension.
Step-coconut what are you doing?
The biggest, most monstrous dildo you can find.
He never uses it. Just befriends it and talks to it like in the original. Just leave the possibility hanging there.
And instead of Wilson, it can be called Doc, or Dr Johnson. (Having a name like bad dragon seems a stretch, maybe baddra?)
Latex fist.
For the entire duration, he can’t work out what it actually is because it’s such a weird shape and so ridiculously huge that it being a dildo never even crosses his mind
A bowling ball. Can change some of the script so he catches it before it rolls off the raft but he falls in the water with it. He’s too heavy and weak to make it back to the raft so he has to let go and watch it immediately sink or he’s taken under too (also a good reference how it’s hard to save someone from drowning when you’re near drowning yourself). Definitely thought of a dildo first till I saw everyone else put it up though.
A tennis ball.
Magic 8-Ball
This time Wilson can kinda sorta actually talk back.
a super valuable in-the-original packaging giant boba fett action figure, he’s tormented by keeping it mint in case he ever gets back, somehow the rocket launcher ends up saving his life.
A 1ft tungston cube
couch cushion
This is inexplicably the best answer yet. Everyone else is working so hard to think outside the box that the box is inside-out.
Plus, now you can include a love scene.
I have absolutely zero interest in making this movie political.
Then I’d go with airplane seat cushion instead.
The couch cushion works fine. Couch cushions appear in real-life situations all the time and simply having one in the movie cannot be construed as making a statement on the kind of conduct that we as a nation are willing to accept from our vice-presidential candidates.
Wilson from House M.D., who, after surviving cancer, decided to retire from oncology and live as a recluse on a desert island.
Miss Piggy.
Couch
Starring JD Vance
A pot plant which he might try take care of for a while before realising it’s plastic, but has already grown attached to it.
Do your work for you, you say?
Or is this a hobby project?
Do your work for you, you say?
That reminds me, tomorrow I will need everyone here to proofread the latest revision of my screenplay for the “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt” horror movie.
🙂↔️
Alongside anti work, maybe there’s room for a shittyGPT community for people asking us to do their work for them? (sorta like that Photoshop guy that always looks for the malicious compliance angle)
A helicopter
A toaster. Toasters are friends
