As a welder turned machinist, is it really so hard to act like an adult as an adult? I’ve seen a bunch of different shops around my area, and hands down the old heads are the worst when it comes to drama. They’re so focused on status and seniority that they forget that it’s just a job.

That being said, work how you want to work, not how you see other people working in your role. “Good enough” is fine for learning, but i want to be good at what I do, not good enough. I like my paycheck, and I like feeling like I earn it too.

I’m actually in a position where I got a raise at work and acknowledgement from my peers where I feel like I’ve been doing average work. I could take that to mean that I’m doing good enough and I can coast. That would be totally normal. But I’m looking at it as encouragement to continue to develop my craft. I tried out some shit on a lathe the other day I’ve only ever seen on crazy Instagram videos, but it worked for what I needed to do, and the part came out acceptable in the end. Now I can continue to expand my experience with confidence.

Sounds like to me that maybe its not about how thick their skins are but about not taking the job personally. If you view a job just performing a function for money and just focus solely on the job it would look the same. Ignore other peoples drama, personalities, work ethics etc. Just do the job and focus on that ignore the drama, the gossip, and focus on doing your job well.

I manage staff and my best employees would seem stoic but really they just had focus, good work ethics, and a kind of get in and get out mentality. No gossip, no hanging out with their coworkers. Work was work then go home.

I’m not trying to care that much. I work to finance my life outside of work. I don’t think about work when I’m not at work.

It’s quite possible these men have reached the Nirvana of being thick-skinned. If so, we all should be in awe, as that is a rare thing to achieve. It also could be that men are not allowed to show emotion, and would otherwise be condemned if they complained or didn’t “take it like a man”; especially being around a lot of women where they feel even more pressured to show up and be a man.

I feel you exactly the same. I don’t know how my coworkers do it. They can literally get screamed at, called out in a meeting in front of others and it’s like nothing to them. Meanwhile I fight back tears and my voice raises and I panic. In the corporate world that means I’m weak. I’m damn good at my job but in a situation like that I just crumple, and to leadership they don’t look at my projects or outcomes, all they see are those few instances.

It also haunts me years and years later.

There’s two parts:

Highly valuing my professionalism and dignity is the first part. I don’t need to chase money or approval because I can always make more money, get another job, make new friends. What I can’t afford to lose is my respect for myself, my professional reputation, and the self-discipline that makes me effective at what I do.

The second part is what I’ve long called “charitable apathy”. I genuinely don’t care what others think and just try to treat them with kindness and understanding. You know, like children. Teach them if they want to learn, give them a snack if they’re grumpy, applaud their terrible art as long as it doesn’t make too much of a mess. Anyone who complains that this is condescending is exactly the kind of person most in need of your apathy and least in need of your charity.

Since this is the third or fourth post of yours in this vein, I will remind you of previous advice: Part of your job is to get along with your coworkers. It’s okay if you don’t enjoy it; nobody enjoys every part of their job. Just say “hello” and “goodbye” and “I’m getting coffee, do you want one?” and occasionally compliment their shoes or hair or whatever; it goes a long way.

Start the day with no fucks to give and there’s no mid-morning crash when you run out.

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Honestly the drama sounds like it is the extra work that these guys aren’t being paid enough to deal with. They’re wise enough to know to stay out. Compartmentalization is key here.

they’re men.

Don’t you find it tiring? Doesn’t it make you feel like shit when you go back home? Don’t you feel taken advantage of?

I find it so much more tiring to be caught up in what other people are doing.

I realized a while ago that life isn’t, and will never be, fair. If I spend all my energy on thoughts that include the word “should,” I won’t have the energy for myself when I need it or others when I believe they deserve it.

Being anything else just isn’t worth my time or energy and makes me unhappy.

I suspect the answer is they just don’t give a fuck. Unless it affects their job, they just don’t care.

You say the workplace is women-dominated. Are there any women not participating in the drama? Asking because you didn’t mention and, in my experience, there usually are a couple quiet no-nonsense ones. Perhaps they could be more relatable to you.

The trick I use is: I am here to exchange time for money. Whatever happens during that time, I really don’t care. The company tells me what to do during those hours and I do it to the best of my ability. Someone complains at me? I don’t care. Someone makes me do extra work? I don’t care. Someone’s having fun behind the trash compactor for the fourth time this month? I don’t care. A customer attacks me because we’re out of a particular single beer can, even though we have it in different sizes and multipacks? …ok, that one was fucking hilarious in retrospect and I’ve dined out on that story for a decade.

If I am being paid to do a job all I really care about while I’m working is doing the job. I might judge people for their failings and look down on them for being shitty, but I really don’t care because I’m just there to do the job I’m being paid to do. I might feel bad if people are talking shit and spreading rumors about me or whatever, but I don’t give a shit because I’m at work to work. If people are slacking off and not working when they should be, that is an issue for management to deal with. If people are spreading rumors and creating disruptions with gossip and drama, that is an issue for management to deal with. I care about doing the job I am paid to do, anything else going on at work is not my problem. I don’t think I’m actually that thick skinned or anything really, I’m just maintaining basic professionalism in what is supposed to be a professional environment.

To me it sounds like you have shitty management and shitty coworkers. You can try to be a catalyst for change in a more positive direction if you want but it might be better for you to find a more professional workplace. Also, I do think if dumb drama and gossip at work bothers you this much finding a job with fewer coworkers or a more independent role would probably be a better fit for you.