Rust

Lol yeah, she recently got divorced and her husband was accusing her of cheating/sleeping with every man in the group, my husband included. I laughed when she told me, he’s the one who got a girlfriend within two weeks of the separation, she’s still single and focused on her children/work, even a year later.

It is rare, but I could tell she was just a friend. She’s just the only one who survived the friend group 20 years. It did cause a riff once in the beginning, I pretty rudely asked him why he didn’t have male friends in a fight. He was upset, and just shouted how everyone he was friends with back then went down shitty roads: drugs, suicide, prison, or women beaters, the few ladies he still knew from the group were the only ones who didnt fall into chaos. He really painted the picture for me so I could understand his pov. I’ve never worried since, and I’m better friends with them now anyway, he really has reclused himself, but he keeps in touch with his family and has their support.

He is happy as he could be given you know, life’s continued beatings. The only reason he didn’t fall to chaos himself, which he nearly did, he says, is because he’s always had his father’s support. He says I gave him reason to get sober, but his father absolutely saved his life multiple times over the years by being there for him.

I dated someone who was friends with thier now married ex. I tolerated it, and I trusted her, but I didnt trust him. I wanted to leave him, but he wouldn’t let me, and none of my efforts worked. Finally, after some time I managed to find support so I could leave him. He broke down, it was a whole thing, but he said to me one fight, I can’t love you because I’m still in love with her. Then.why.wouldnt.he.let.me.leave. ugh. I used to get lectures from him on love and loyalty, and he dropped that bit, I laughed in his face when he said it.

I will say its much easier to become an introvert when you are living with someone you trust and love. Outside validation becomes moot. Finding someone like that, is a very lucky thing, And often a treacherous road, for everyone, sex/gender non comforming alike, there isn’t discrimination in the pains of finding a person right for oneself.

My husband is similar to this. We only hang out with our family these days.

I was unsure when we first started dating, and he seemed to only have a couple female friends. But he introduced me, and they were lovely. He never sexualized women, never pressured me for sex, and feeling unsure soon wore off realizing he was extremely loyal after not long.

He’s withdrawn quite a bit since getting sober and older. I hung out at a small party one of his friends was having. He didn’t want to/couldn’t go, so I went.

Everyone was kind of dumb, they only talked about other people they knew, and told drunken stories about being drunk before- it was boring. I’m understanding why he withdrew from the crowd.

One guy showed me a tiktok of some Ai looking lady who recovered from drug addiction, praising her, this person he never met, telling me how good she looked now, clearly super excited about it (drunk af), all while his girlfriend sat right there. We’re all mid to lat 30’s. He acted like he was 15. I couldn’t handle it lol. The only friend I liked was his old BF, a girl who is like a sister to him. She doesn’t drink. This girl said she was drinking white wine, before I left for the night I put the wine I brought for her in the fridge, I saw her bottle not even cracked open and laughed. Anyway.

You only need a few people to feel whole I find. My husband and his parents are great. That party felt like torture to me. But the tiktok guy and his gf were telling me about thier pool club. The play pool in the community a lot, and its definitely their third space. I may have found him dumb, but they had a whole crew of folks in their built community. I did compliment that. You gotta build the life you want.

Human nature is evolutionary.

Never say never.

Lol The root cause is a 12 year old with ADHD.

Brush that will cover your house is likely not a native.

I explained how I do my yard in the comment. I don’t let it go crazy, I maintain it. I have made four garden beds here since getting the house, and that’s in addition to the four already here. Both for flower and vegetables. I have a potted plant corner, and a “track” where the grass grows low or turns to dirt from my son doing laps around the house and playing baseball in the back. If I was a millionaire (I’d move) I’d like to put stone on the “track” he made because it follows the natural curves of the yard. The front yard is sparse, it’s so dry and like sand, I don’t have to mow that side, I hit it with the trimmer if it gets wild. I’ve seeded with clover and a native grass type. I keep a small patch over grown, circling around a tree, maintain it with weeding, and give space back for the insects. It’s filled with purple flowers most of the year. A typical lawn care person would just mow it over.

What I’m getting at, is folks with brown grass they still mow weekly. Whether its going to rain or not, weather their grass is long or not, they mow it to check it off their list. Every weekend. Then, if you look, some houses like this, there’s invasives just growing everywhere on the edges of their properties. So lazy. To mow ones lawn, fat ass on a riding mower for less than a quarter acre of lawn, just mow it and put it away, while thier tree line suffers with invasives.

My goal is to have no grass, but my son’s track and baseball area, and the rest garden. As it stands I only have to mow maybe 40% of my yard, and I’ll be damned if I’ll fall in line to get a riding mower to kill beneficial plants every weekend, while leaving the harmful ones.

I don’t know what this all means, but I do know my son blows through bikes like crazy. The chain always, always get fucked up and falls off. Even with a cover, even if it’s a more expensive bike, they don’t last.

I had the same bike all my childhood needing nearly no repairs, yet my kids bike is constantly broken.

We have Autumn olive (Elaeagnus umbellata) here.

Ive been battling it for years. I mentioned bittersweet in my comment down thread, but I’ve won my battle with bittersweet. I pluck it everyyear and keep it at bay. I have not won with this fast growing (so fast) shrub tree. You cut it down, it grows back triple, relentlessly. It’s everywhere. I hate it so much. If it could just chill and be a bush, it would be fine, but no, ive a 40 foot tree bush in the back that was cut to stub 5 years ago. 40 feet tall, in five years. I hate chemicals, but when I get to the day I can afford to haul away 40 ft of tree bush brush, I will definitely be spraying this shit this time around. Fuck invasives. I go down the road and the forest edges are just bittersweet and autumn olive, also called japanese silverleaf. It’s ugly.

Loud lawnmowers. Ass hats who maintain the classic American yard. Every Saturday morning on cue, the whole neighborhood erupts into noise. It’s so loud.

Everyone in my area has about a quarter acre of land, yet here come the zero turn riding mower guys, mowing their grass too low, every weekend, just to water it the next day.

They are loud, disruptive, and just remind me we are slowly killing the planet every day for vainity yards.

I have a reel mower from the 1950’s I found and fixed up. I got a lot of compliments the first summer I used it, it has self shapening blades and works mostly well. Folks were shocked I was using it, one lady stopped and even gsve me a “you get it girl!”, like what? It’s a quarter acre people, and takes me 30-40 mins. Why do they need giant gas guzzling, louds stinky mowers? After a few years with the reel mower, I did get an electric line trimmer, … I’m crazy, but sometimes I mow most of my very small lawn with it when I dont want to fix and use my reel mower. It’s quiet, it doesnt smell, and I have control to skip over dirt/sparse patches. I can leave areas longer where I see native plants popping up. I feel like im working with the land, not just decimating it.

They ride these giant mowers up and down the street, they mow dirt just the same as they mow field. I literally get triggered everytime I hear one start up, so often, it’s a running joke in the house. It’s a quarter acre lots here, not baseball fields.

Perfect lawns, but then its just bittersweet growing wild on the edges taking over trees.

I also hate bittersweet. Like, really really hate bittersweet. It kills everything and takes over gardens. Invasive garbage that may seem like a cool plant to the unknowing eye, but it is invasive garbage everyone just looks past as it kills our native trees and plants, suffocating the life forms they parasite off from. I have to stay vigilant to keep it from my yard. It is persistent, it’ll tear your house down if you let it.

I hate lawnmowers and bittersweet. These things make me feel distraught.

Yes Kids on the bus. Never did a pixie stick but I snorted a crushed up smartie.

Ehem.

Yukon Jack at 14.

Fucking disgusting.

My cousins and I made some drink one year at a New Years party when we found ourselves alone in the kitchen. I don’t remember the booze, but we mixed it with juicy juice. I was 12. I sipped the cup being passed around us 6-7 cousins, but none of us drank enough for effect.

Two years later it was yukon jack with friends. I remember falling asleep in the park.

The first time I got “wasted” I was 17. I don’t fucking remember what we were drinking. I do remember party failing the bowl of weed being passed around though lol

Reading a story that brings happiness is real happiness.

Most often, when I finish a good book, usually one that has altered my world view, or changed some aspect of thinking, is profound, absolutely can even bring joy. The sustained feelings from the thoughts that came from the media are real. If they are happy and joyful thoughts they are real, if they are negative, the emotion is real.

To be delusional in this aspect, you’d have to see the peice of fiction as real life, as in, you may meet the fictional character one day so you are happy at that chance to meet them.

No I am the same as you when it comes to drinking.

I guess I don’t know how to explain it.

Maybe, something simple, like over eating sweets at a party because I was buzzing. I only realized it after I stopped drinking, how much it really was the alcohol making the decisions for me, even if that decision is to make a joke or share a story, I’d otherwise not speak without alcohol.

I hear you and I’m not advocating all people shouldn’t drink anytime. Just personally, I didn’t realize how much alcohol influenced my decision making until after I gave it up voluntarily, about a year or so into sobriety.

Reaction times are slower for example, so to drink is really deciding to give up control of yourself for a time. Probably why it makes socializing easier.

My husband could have said this five years ago, weeks before he quit.

He’s not an asshole, but boy did alcohol make every mental health matter he had worse. In turn, creating an asshole.

I had to quit alcohol because of my husband’s issue with it. It was no problem for me to let it go, though I did miss it for a time.

Same thing, I’m happy as hell when I’ve had a few glasses of wine, it’s fun to socialize. But what really drove home to me the benefit of quitting, was even though I was happy and funny to be around, there were still moments where alcohol put me outside my own decision making.

I didn’t like that.

The only man irl I’ve met who didn’t wash his ass because he thought it was gay … I found out was raped as a child.

The joke isn’t funny anymore. The number of men I’ve met who were raped as children by other men, is a lot higher than I think people realize. It’s traumatizing and there isn’t support.

No we aren’t as destructible as we think we are, are we? Ha.

I love that you have a fulfilling family today, it makes me smile knowing that it all came together for you

I’ve also found it very hard to relate to people my age because they usually have some sort of relationship with their family

Wow this hit home.

I remember in my early to mid 20s really really struggling with this too. It’s still tough today, albeit a bit easier to deal with, but it was such a stuggle especially in the young adult years. I wouldn’t even date a potential partner if they had good parents, because I felt some ways about it. I remember working retail, and basically having a fit inside one day because I over heard a teenage gril fighting with her mom about her mom buying her stuff. I never once went clothing shopping with my mom, or another woman and the girl was being so ungrateful. I pretty certain I cried in the bathroom for a time that day.

I don’t miss feeling that deep pain. Healing is such a good feeling. Therapy helps me a lot too. I still go on a regular basis to cope with stuff. Im glad you’ve that resource too <3

I love the happy ending. I hadn’t planned to have kids, but when I had my son it certainly grounded me in a way that having a child didn’t ground my own parents. I felt such urgency to make a good family/life for him.

I moved a lot too, which made it really hard to make and keep friends. I’ve never had a “group” for long growing up. Switching schools/homes/gaurdians so often really makes life hard.

It’s tough as a young person who doesn’t trust any adults, to get support from said adults. Im really glad to hear things turned out okay in the end for you!