Horniness mismatch. You’ll never synch up exactly, but if you aren’t at least in the same ballpark, everyone just comes away frustrated.
that’s not trivial that’s really important
That’s what polamory is for! I would hate to miss out on an emotionally meaningful relationship just because pp goes hard to often or pp not go hard often enough.
Never tried myself, but I’ve two sets of pals that are in poly relationships. The best advice they gave my curious mind on the topic is “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” I’m still curious about trying some time, but it’s certainly not a “hell yes” for me.
Hmm yes that might be good advice. There is definitely a lot of work to be done on oneself if someone has only been in mono relationships.
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
A very common phrase is polyam circles. I’d recommend reading literature by and for polyamorous people if you still find yourself curious, but hesitant. Thorntree Press has a good selection of books to choose from. Also, seek out polyamory groups in your area. There are FB polyamory groups in just about every major city that usually aren’t too hard to search for, and those groups will often have a monthly munch which would afford you the opportunity to ask questions of a variety of people who live that relationship style.
Is bad breath trivial? True story.
No
Nah. It’s a health thing, a hygiene thing, and a lack of social awareness. Nothing trivial about it
I have an ex with the same name as one of my sisters. You do that once, and it gets confusing and awkward. Twice? People start coming to really odd conclusions.
What’s wrong with names? What if it’s a different name but the looks are exactly the same?
Red neck approves
Tammy One
Tammy Two
Tamara
Kinda sucks, because I occasionally come across really women I would otherwise pursue for a relationship. But then they have the same name as my sister or my mom - NOPE.
My brother’s last three serious relationships all have hadthe same name. It’s not his fault that name was popular 3 years after he was born. The girls are nothing alike.
That said it’s a struggle not to call the current one New “Sarah”
At least to the people around me, frequent substance us.
I would argue that doesn’t qualify as trivial.
What my friends would say to me is “who cares if they do a bit of weed (understatement), or get drunk once or twice a month?”
Personally, if you need substances to have fun, you’re boring.
Uses tabs instead of spaces.
Drinks Tab in Space.
But once they go through the compiler they’re essentially the same!
I don’t want a GF who’s gone through a compiler
but she will be optimised for your hardware!
I’m using both a the same time, one tab, two space, another tab…
This way everyone is happy.
You’re a maniac- in the best way possible.
This kills the python
My home theater. I love movies and if someone said I couldn’t have it hooked up to the main TV I’d walk. I’d rather date someone who either enjoys it or at least it’s neutral on having there.
Also I don’t care if they have a garden. But it will be classified as a hobby, not as yard work or house work when they work in it. Because I’ll never work in one.
If it’s something you want and your partner doesn’t care one way or the other about, it shouldn’t factor in.
If you want to make the candles you use around the house, maybe they smell nice, maybe they get used, maybe they’re cheaper than store-bought, but that’s a hobby.
If you do a bunch of baking, especially for people outside the home but even inside it, and your partner isn’t all about you cooking, that’s a hobby, and you clean up your own mess. That’s not chores (unless you’re getting paid).
Chores are necessities to keep the communal house going, not anything that takes effort.
I agree with the basic maintenance thing being a chore, but I understand where OP is coming from. So if one person out of the pair decides with previous warning that they want to plant a bunch of stuff then it’s their responsability to take care of them.
In my situation for example, I live with my partner in an apartment, and the vases are his to maintain and take care of. We’ve talked about where we would live next and my parter wants a yard and I don’t. So I’ve forewarned him that if we have a yard in a future house it belongs to him, and any decisions to move to a house with a yard come with that agreement. This is all very different situation to living in a house with a yard already, or not having the choice when moving for some reason.
Exactly. I fully agree
I don’t expect help in the garden on an everyday basis, no way. I do what I want with it, don’t take requests, so it’s mine and my responsibility. But since everyone gets food out of it, they do help occasionally with bigger things; carrying dirt from front driveway to garden, building planters.
Home theater, who cares? Wouldn’t everyone put that on the biggest TV? We have only one TV but if there were two of course the bigger one would make the most sense.
Oh, on that - TV in the bedroom is a no for me, too. Doesn’t matter for casual, but if I am living somewhere I never want a TV in the bedroom. Music speaker yes, that’s fine. TV no way. Thankfully we’ve had space outside of bedroom for gaming and TV and computer, that is very important to me.
Smoking.
This one got me absolutely destroyed on reddit once upon a time. I have asthma and allergies, but apparently it’s really because I’m classiest and racist. It was a fascinating thread.
…how is smoking supposed to be connected to race? In any way?
Menthols maybe? And that it’s harder for people of a lower socioeconomic status to quit smoking? Otherwise, no idea.
Yeah, that was my assumption. Poor people are more likely to smoke, black people are more likely to be stuck in a cycle of poverty, therefore…?
I don’t disagree with those two sentences, but then making the jump to personal health and personal dating preferences is quite the leap.
I think someone got butthurt that they didn’t have a shot with a random lady on the internet they would never meet, got defensive, and the too-much-time-online types ran with it.
Not at all trivial!
For some it us. Sadly
Treats servers badly. Both in restaurants and in IT infrastructure.
That’s not trivial at all!
Not speaking respectfully of their children and ex-partners. I can only expect to be treated similarly or worse than the people closest to them.
Bro said he is close with his ex-partners 💀
It’s a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they’ve ever broken up with. That’s just childish. So your shit didn’t work out? Shake hands and walk along. They still have the good traits that made you consider them in the first place.
It’s a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they’ve ever broken up with.
“And what’s the common thread here?”
I find it very promising when someone I date, when they reflect on a past relationship, are willing to admit the mistakes they made which led to the breakup and highlight the positive steps they’ve taken to rectify those shortcomings to become a better person and not cause future partners the same hurt. Very sexy, that.
Yea sure, but you don’t have to be close to them and still be friends. Just move on
No one said you had to. Straw man.
Yes.I would rather someone have a respectful, appropriate relationship with an ex versus restraining orders and drama and “she was craaaaazy” type crap.
If every one of a guy’s exes are “crazy bitches”, it’s saying something about him, not the women he dated.
Close doesn’t always mean romantic or sexual.
If you have one crazy ex, you have one crazy ex. If you have all crazy exes, you ARE the crazy ex. But if you have no crazy exes but a bunch of relationships that didn’t work out I’d want to make sure you aren’t their crazy ex.
Cigarettes
I just can’t do it. They’re trashy and they smell terrible. Almost universally friends/partners I’ve had the smoke cigarettes ash wherever they want- like my patio or door step. I had an ex that would chain smoke, ash in front of the door, then put the cigarette out and leave it on the steps.
So now everyone that walks by sees our entryway covered in ash, cigarette butts, and burn marks. Just looks and smells like shit.
That same partner kept an ash tray in the patio. It filled up with water when it rained, and she just… left it. So now the patio smells like soppy wet shit too.
Ever since then cigs are a deal breaker for me. If you don’t respect your body how can you ever respect your environment or relationship?
Anyway.
Massive red flag about multiple issues from hygiene to risk-taking to basic scientific literacy to propensity for addictive behavior. The list goes on and on.
100%. I get headaches really easily with the smell of cigarette smoke. Absolute no go from me.
She said “lol”
Like actually said “lol”. As if it was a word.
Didn’t laugh. Like, she replaced her laughing with this, saying “lol” when she found something funny.
Lol, or el-o-el?
I say lol occasionally, only for things that are dumb funny. Equivalent of a snort I guess?
“Hey did you hear Steve bought a jet ski? Where does he think he’s going to use it? The local pool?”
“Really? Lol. What a dumbarse”
Like that. If shit is actually funny I laugh like a human.
Imagine that… But it going so far that you actually lose the ability to laugh and instead use “lol”
Yeah. It was that.
I’m fairly certain she didn’t lose the ability to laugh. I don’t think that’s entirely possible. Either you weren’t as funny as you think or she was awkward and nervous and that suppressed her real laughter. Or, hang on, there’s a third option which is she’s rotted her brain by being terminally online to the point where real experiences lose their meaning. Actually now that I think about it, that’s probably what you’re getting at here.
Fuck, wait a minute, am I losing my touch with reality and human connections?
Same
Lol
For me its probably someone who uses tiktok.
During my last relationship my ex started using tiktok and for the few weeks she used it i had to listen to the dumbest “facts” as well as borderline malicious relationship and life advice. The bad misinformation is nothing compared to the repetitive nature of the music. She stopped using it on her own accord I didn’t force anything.
I still live with someone who is a heavy tik tok user and almost every time she says "i saw this tiktok… " I know I’m about to hear some dumb bullshit.
The app manipulates people, wastes their time and is full of undeclared product advertising. For my sanity I cannot date someone who thinks it’s OK to use that app.
That’s just describing all social media. One of mine would be somebody who hates tiktok because it’s trendy to hate TikTok when it’s not really any different from any other social platform.
I have a low opinion of most other social media platforms but to me tiktok is on another level.
Honestly curious what aspects of the platform (not the content, which is platform agnostic) make it stand out for you
Short content, endless feed, catchy music to grab attention, watching a tiktok counts as liking it algowise which promotes attention grabbing. Owned by ccp. There’s probably more but that’s off the top of my head.
I asked about what aspects of the platform, not the content which is platform agnostic. You literally didn’t give any aspects of platform. You talked about the content, which is platform agnostic, and then you lied about its ownership.
Have a tidepod, it calms the nerves.
My partner totally asks me questions she hears from TikTok trends. Man vs bear, etc.
There’s some funny questions for sure. I laughed when I got asked the Rome question and I said probably every day.
I don’t use tiktok, but some people have unusually based tiktok feeds. They can get direct footage from the genocide happening in Gaza, for example. I never get that recommended on YouTube, despite my very obvious socialist leanings, watching pro-Palestine content, etc.
This is the actual reason tiktok is being banned (if they don’t sell) after the election. One of the largest lobbying groups in America, AIPAC, in probably the most well-funded policy categories (pro-Israel policies) backs most of Congress. They’ve determined tiktok has far too much influence on American youth, and has made the Israel/Palestine divide a young/old divide more-so than a left/right divide.
There’s already a strong correlation between political leaning and age, which is problematic for the future of the fascist movement in America, but this issue falls outside the norm. You’ll find a lot of young conservatives calling for an end to the needless killing of civilians. They won’t call it a genocide because admitting Israel is a genocidal apartheid state is too far for them, but they can at least admit killing tens of thousands of children is not the right path here.
That kind of extremism (e.g not greenlighting any amount of culling of “human animals” Israel feels it needs to do) is unacceptable to the pro-Israel lobby, and they’re not used to getting this kind of pushback from the American public.
I completely disagree. I don’t think giving young people short snippets of war footage is a good thing at all. It doesn’t help them understand the conflict and warps their perspective.
They are at their most malleable and being shown extremely emotionally charged content. That’s not a good thing.
Yes, genocides are emotional. Watching children being blown up is something that should upset you. That’s actually happening in the real world.
Emotion isn’t the only thing that should inform your decisions, but pretending like you shouldn’t be upset at watching kids being blown up, or begging for their parents, or whatever else have you is just foolish.
I don’t think you understand what I was trying to get at. I don’t mean to say that genocide isn’t emotional and that we shouldn’t be upset by footage.
My response was saying that i think serving that kind of content to younger users who aren’t intentionally seeking it is insane. Tiktok algorithm pushes extreme content to it’s users which partly why I don’t like the app.
I think its fine for people my age to consume that content so my point originally was more that the content is dumb and I couldn’t be with someone who thought it was good content.
When we say younger, we might just be talking about different age groups. I imagine 16-30, and in that age range you’re not likely to come away with severe psychological scarring, but you will be deeply upset and that’s a good thing (we shouldn’t ignore genocide, we should be upset by it). Being upset leads to change.
If you’re talking about like 10 year olds watching it, sure I can agree. They can’t really do anything about it. They can’t go out and protest, or advocate for change, or vote, etc. Plus they’re much more likely to have genuine scarring. Issues sleeping, night terrors, trouble concentrating, etc.
As for “that content is dumb”, I assume you’re talking about tiktok in general. And again, for some people it’s definitely not dumb. People get served different things. Tiktok isn’t a platform trying to do good in the world, like any other social media platform it’s trying to drive engagement. However, it’s one of the few social media platforms outside of the U.S media interest groups, and that’s why the U.S is either banning them or forcing them to sell.
The end goal is to censor all of that raw footage of genocide, because it changes views. When you can hide behind rhetoric and not show how horrific the mass bombings are, you get a lot more leeway. That’s good for Israel, and why AIPAC and other Israel lobbies are the main forces behind this push in the U.S. In the end, the ban is bad for humanity (will allow the genocide to escalate without public backlash), but will be good for Israel and U.S elites.
When I say younger I am mostly talking about 12-18 but also certain people in the 18-21 range. I think after that you are emotionally capable of understanding and dealing with the evils of the world.
In response to the dumb content yeah its just content i find dumb from my point of view thats what I rate it as a trivial thing that I would turn down a partner for. Im sure for some people its riveting content but for me its trash and I dont want to be with someone who thinks it isnt.
I do not see “the only non US platform” as a good thing. Considering the country that runs it doesnt allow foreign social media and isnt exactly the bastion of free speech and moral authority. Id rather the devil I know(america) than the one I dont (china).
For the last point I agree that censoring footage of the war benefits isreal and it does sway peoples views. I dont think there is much censorship of the footage its pretty easy to find. From what i’ve seen people post the footage to youtube and then cry censorship when its taken down. But that is clearly against yt TOS and anyone sane would expect that to be taken down. Maybe there are better examples of censorship I havent seen since I dont follow tiktok,facebook,insta,reddit.twitter,mastodon.
20 year olds are not generally getting night terrors from watching disturbing content on tiktok. They’re not losing sleep, or coming away with genuine psychological scarring. We don’t need government regulations to control media content for the sake of literal adults. And children in theory should already have their content moderated by the correct degree by parents, not the government.
It’s just content I find dumb
If you watch anything on YouTube that you don’t think is dumb, there is stuff on TikTok you also wouldn’t find dumb. I don’t use TikTok either, but I think you genuinely underestimate how much content there is, and overestimate how uniform that content is.
Considering the country that runs it (…)
ByteDance already stores U.S user data within the U.S, allows third party firms to scrutinize its data privacy policies far more than any other U.S media group, and has come back with a clean bill from groups like Citizen Lab (a Canadian research lab). No U.S userdata goes to the Chinese government.
Government officials know this, they’re just putting on a show. Leaked phone calls have made this clear, the actual issue is the lack of policing around the kinds of content served. ByteDance is not aligned with U.S foreign policy interests like Meta/Google are. They are more than happy to showcase the horrors of the apartheid, genocidal state of Israel, and that’s having a real impact on the literal more than half of Americans that use TikTok.
It’s clearly against the YouTube T.O.S
Videos against YouTube’s T.O.S of the October 7th attacks have been on the platform since October of last year. They’re much more strict about removing videos showcasing the much larger-in-scale violent acts done by Israel than anything done by Hamas. TikTok isn’t. This isn’t a coincidence, and the U.S needs TikTok to fall in line here.
If they don’t young people will continue to hold extreme views, like bombing tens of thousands of children in an open air prison that has been violating the GCIV since 2007 is somehow problematic. They need the American public to have the understanding that Palestinians are simply human animals; they’re savages that need to be put down. Not unlike native americans.
Towards the end of the culling, when enough of the population has died to no longer pose a threat, they’ll give them small territories like the U.S did with native americans and feign sympathy. Imperialism hasn’t changed.
Understood. Serving emotional content is the social media stunt to grab attention. News is not The intention. And without enough context, it increases polarity in our society. Tiktok is a master of this tactic.
Misuse of the oxford comma and bad speling.
How can one misuse the Oxford comma?
Not giving a fuck about it.
Misuse of the oxford comma, and bad speling.
FTFY
Check again. Swipes left.
“Misuse of the Oxford comma, bad speling and taking jokes too far.”
Celebrity/billionaire worship. Just no. It means their values are wildly erratic.
wearing makeup or earrings
turns out i just don’t like that
