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balderdash@lemmy.zip to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 1 month ago

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

lemmy.zip

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Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

lemmy.zip

balderdash@lemmy.zip to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 1 month ago
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  • Booboofinger@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    I would like sanity to be part of our country again. Too big an ask?

    • DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 month ago

      monkeys paw curls

      Granted. Fascist authoritarianism are now the norm and are considered “sane” by the majority of the world

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Sanity is a part of the country again but does not prevail against opposing forces:

  • SorryImLate@piefed.social
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    1 month ago

    I’d like to be the sole owner of all global patents required for an effective, sustainable, eco-friendly solution to removing and recycling microplastics from earth’s environment.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      It’s official: you are now the sole owner of all eco-friendly and sustainable microplastic patents. There are only a few that are effective, and they are all set to expire in an hour:

      • SorryImLate@piefed.social
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        1 month ago

        Gah, I forgot about expiry dates!

        Oh well, at least they exist now. Now to figure out which ones are effective and ensure someone implements them…

  • Drunk & Root@sh.itjust.works
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    1 month ago

    2 kittens

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Eight people are now standing in your living room; it’s two pairs of the alternative rock band “Kitten”. Looking at their other selves, they start panicking:

      • Drunk & Root@sh.itjust.works
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        1 month ago

        very entertaing ill take it

      • Randelung@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        https://youtu.be/9x7r1er6Ljw Kitten 2 are such doodoo heads.

  • AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip
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    1 month ago

    To see all Oaken Tower players have their computer mice overheat when playing that game. To the point where an hour of playing it would make their mice unusable.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      You have a video of this happening that you may see on your computer at any time. They look really frustrated, but it doesn’t happen in real life:

  • Hupf@feddit.org
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    1 month ago

    !wizards@lemmy.world

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Oh I am absolutely loving this community. Happy cake day btw

  • finitebanjo@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    Can you get me the Chalupa Supreme combo with 1 steak and 1 chicken?

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Granted, but it was previously discarded. Still edible though:

  • RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    A bagel.

    No. Wait.

    Two bagels.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they’re complementary.

      • RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        Do you want one? I couldn’t possibly eat two…

        • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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          1 month ago

          Don’t mind if I do!

  • magnetosphere@fedia.io
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    1 month ago

    Greater empathy is everyone’s ultimate goal, rather than wealth, fame, sexual conquests, etc.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      In a flash, everyone’s prime directive is empathy. Our modern systems of government based on greed and sex drive crumble away. In its place rises the Feelings Bureaucracy; a dictatorial government in which social offenses, inflicted on the unified society of empathic feelers, is punished severely. The fastest way to deal with bad actors to ensure they do not make others feel bad is to execute them. In response, the world develops a culture of putting another’s needs before one’s own, or else:

      • Grerkol@leminal.space
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        1 month ago

        Sounds like what chuds think the world is already like

    • SorryImLate@piefed.social
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      1 month ago

      You might enjoy this podcast

      Should we edit genes to make nicer people?

      • magnetosphere@fedia.io
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        1 month ago

        Thank you. That was very interesting!

  • ramenbelly@lemmy.zip
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    1 month ago

    More LUIGIS

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Luigi mania sweeps the nation! People fill public spaces and convention halls in full Luigi garb: it’s a bit of nuisance.

  • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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    1 month ago

    The ability to restart parts of my life from a save file, starting from like 16.

    • Dasus@lemmy.world
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      1 month ago

      16? Why limit yourself? Why not go back to like two years old and shock everyone with your maturity?

      • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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        1 month ago

        To avoid unpleasant things. Such as being stuck being a teen, my parents freaking out and being worried for my mental health, my brain undeveloping too much, having some snotlings as my peers, so on.

        I figured 16 was the last best time I could have changed things, and there was so much Nostalgia from then. I’d get my hands on certain consoles when they mattered…and create the life experiences I always wanted.

        Except having a 30 year old brain would mean I’d try to bang the teachers instead of well, my peers. Obviously, even time travel can’t fix certain things you didn’t do. But I don’t care about that.

        I would 100% enjoy Pokemom Platinum though. Knowing this is when it was actually relevant.

        My early 20’s are where the good and most epic stuff was at. Combined with the most awful. But that’s the age I would like to be at I guess. Being stuck at 26 or 28 I would be at my peak in some ways if I had time travel, and I like that. But early twenties like 22-23 means more options and flexibility. So I would stop there, and keep looping till perfection I guess. Learning everything there is to know.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      The first time you activate your power, you are unknowingly stuck in a time loop. Each time you reactivate the power, the loop gets shorter from the point in time you restarted. Basically the movie Groundhog Day but the time loop partially depends on you:

      • Dasus@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        The image made me think of this one weird “song” I used to listen to somewhat when I used to do nitrous oxide, years ago.

        https://youtu.be/6AuQPqJPSKE

        Preview doesn’t seem to be working, but it’s the same illustration.

      • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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        1 month ago

        So long as I’m aware of this, I have no problem with it. If I get to learn and advance.

        • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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          1 month ago

          You become aware of your ability the first time you reach the end of the time loop.

    • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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      1 month ago

      Read Peter F Hamilton’s Void saga.

      • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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        1 month ago

        Literally would not have the time for that on an average day. Will see if I can get Vuzix glasses 2 so I can covertly read it at work.

        • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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          1 month ago

          Get the audiobooks. Listen to it in the car. But yeah, one of the plot points is basically exactly this, where people can effectively have a “save point” in life. I won’t spoil it, but it’s great.

  • SassyRamen@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    Donald John Trump to never be born

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      A man who would be named Donald John Trump has never been born. You don’t know him (he isn’t the president), because he’s never been born:

  • samus12345@sh.itjust.works
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    1 month ago

    The Combine off Earth. I want the Combine off Earth!

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Half-Life 3 Confirmed:

      • samus12345@sh.itjust.works
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        1 month ago

        Wow, the other guy told me that was too large a nudge! Thanks, balderdash!

  • petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 month ago

    I had dinner last night, but I didn’t like it that much. Can you change my memories of the whole situation?

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Done. You no longer remember the last ten years of your life:

      • petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        1 month ago

        Where am I?!
        Who are you?!
        Why am I so full of diarrhea?!

        • dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world
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          1 month ago

          To be fair, I’ve had IBS that was exactly that disorienting. No need for magic on that one.

      • AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip
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        1 month ago

        Totally genie like behavior. I love it.

  • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca
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    1 month ago

    I want my mortgage to be paid off.

    • ToastedPlanet@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 month ago

      You’ve been filed under Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

      • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca
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        1 month ago

        Y’know what? Not the worst idea I’ve heard.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      Done. You now have a desire for your mortgage to be paid off. (Reading this comment, you feel the intensity of the feeling has increased ever so slightly.)

      • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca
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        1 month ago

        Oh good. More stress.

  • the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world
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    1 month ago

    Could you dissapear all the facisim thats popping up everywhere? That would be super.

    • balderdash@lemmy.zipOP
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      1 month ago

      The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes:

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