I went camping with my family, was probably seven or eight years old. There was a sign right next to our camping spot to notify people about something not to do, who knows what the message was in reality but I like to imagine it as “do not bend this sign backwards to use it to catapult rocks you find laying around nearby”.

Anyway, while my parents were preoccupied with setting up our tent, my makeshift catapult hit me right by the eye. Thankfully it did not actually injure my eye itself, just huge cuts both above and below the eye, but I had a pretty good talent for screaming at that age regardless of which part of my body was hurting. I remember after an hour or something my parents kept pushing that all the other campers were going to think I was being abused, and then we packed up and left our week-long camping trip a couple hours after arriving.

Bike riding in the 80s and jumping ramps, the slope was too high and sent the bike upward so I let go (bad plan) and supermanned myself across the pavement on my chest. I had vertical road rash stripes all down my front.

Mine wasn’t really all that bad, but the time that occurs to me involves me at like 5 or 6 years old, snow, a sled, a metal fence post, and a big red bump on my forehead. I hit pretty hard, but I don’t think I was concussed or anything.

Was running around with my cousins on pavement wearing flip flops. I was chasing my cousin who ran up stairs and I slipped and hit my face on the side of a stair. To this day, I still have the scar on my lip that my tooth opened up.

Spilled boiling water on my chest, caused second degree burns

Ran my index finger down the blade of a pocket knife and nearly cut the tip off. Got a nice big scar and had a bunch of stitches

I stepped off a one foot tall wall and fractured one of my foot bones

Funnily enough, mine’s also garden-pot related. I was playing with my sister and our friend and I tripped over and faceplanted into a terracotta pot. It could’ve been a lot worse because there was a cactus in it, but even as it was I needed six stitches.

Not me obviously, but you should look up the accident Adam Devine had as a kid. Pretty serious, but it is hilarious how he talks about it. His leg is so crazy knarley

Climbed a tree, tried to jump to the next tree. Failed. Fortunately, I snagged a wasp nest on the way down. Nothing broken, anaphylaxis. Not breathing sucks. (I lived.)

I managed to remove at least one nail in all of my limbs through various activities. Some of them are dumber than others, but all of them are silly.

Tripped and fell while playing basketball on a rough asphalt court skid like 3 ft on my face scrapped and peeled 80% of my face and got grains of asphalt stuck in my face. To the point they couldn’t get them all out and took a chunk out of my nose.

Not too bad.

But I was fucking around while trying to learn to ride a bike. Went too fast, hit a bump on a dirt road. Went over the handlebars, slid face first a few feet into a ditch.

Now, like I said, I wasn’t badly injured. It was all just scrapes and bruises. But they were deep scrapes from my forehead all the way down one side of my face, then my chest and belly, plus along the inner side of my right arm from trying to stop myself.

Every scrape was filled with dirt and gravel, which had to be picked out. Then it all needed flushing out. So by the time it was all done I was high from endorphins and crying and screaming, looked like a shredder had beaten the shit out of me, and was both throbbing and burning along the entire scraped section.

Then I had to go to school like that lol.

The worst was probably splintering my tailbone. Apparently I have oddly dense bones, so they don’t like to full out break, but just splinter.

I was snowboarding and trying to keep up with my mom. At the very very end of the run, I snagged my back edge and got slapped so hard to the ground, I’m pretty sure I blacked out for a few seconds (wear a helmet, kids). We rode the rest of the day and I don’t remember much about it all except my butt hurt so bad. I couldn’t sit down normally for over a year. I sat on my knees or in a snow tube in the living room because I couldn’t stand to sit on the couch or in a chair at all.

A separate incident that might also tie for worst, but I think I fractured my skull when I was around 8? It could just be one of the growth plates, but I have a scar in my skin, and then a serious dent in my forehead in the skull which is attached to a long crack that goes down to my eyebrow before I’m not able to feel it anymore. We didn’t go to the hospital or anything, I just dealt with the swelling and the small split. I did dent the corner beam in our house though. Thick skull I guess?

Slipped getting out of the bath when I was about 12. My foot hit one of the metal poles supporting the sink, with my little toe going one side and the rest of my foot the other. My foot tore on impact, leaving my little toe hanging off.

I bandaged it up, and kept changing the bandage when it was soaked through with blood and it eventually stopped bleeding. I have a scar on my foot, but other than that no lasting damage.