(Yes, I’m aware of these bait-y titles.)
Anyway, I’m 23 years old. I live in my house with my wife. We have many teens in the neighborhood, which is good for my sister-in-law but one of them took a particular liking to me.
The girl and I just casually started talking when I would go for walks, for example. She then started acting really weird, like giggly or flushed. She told me she was bi but preferred women. I’m a lesbian.
Eventually, she confessed that she had feelings for me, though she knew I couldn’t return them. She has also told her friend (19F) that we are dating, when I told her this was not the case and I was married.
I am married and do not like this fourteen-year-old girl. How do I be respectful about not returning her feelings even if she knows I’m married?
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This story is already strange and OPs post history contradicts it. Seems fake.
No need to be polite. Set clear and firm boundaries and burn the bridge.
Right? That’s jailbait and a homewrecker.
I don’t think that’s fair, that’s a child. Children can get infatuated with people and they don’t have the experience or the frame of reference to measure the consequences.
She’s a teenager, teenagers who seek to ruin the lives of adults should rot in prison for life, they are not dumb, they know what they’re doing, especially if their way of doing so is abusing their victim status under the patriarchy to their own advantage.
Holy shit who hurt you
No one, it’s cuz I cut that shit off before it ever gets to that point. Sorry not sorry but it’s the system we live in. As an LGBTQ adult I never ever speak to children and any interactions would get reported to the police.
Prison will make them even worse. It’s a system designed to ruin people.
Yeah I’d wish for a better alternative but fundamentally any society needs some way to isolate wrongdoers to prevent them from doing wrong and it’s the only option we presently have.
Society has another mechanism to stop children from doing wrong. It’s called parents.
Clearly non-functioning in this case as the wrong has been started already
The fuck they do. I had to go hunt down some tool grooming and using my kid at that age. A lack of confidence and want of external validation are powerful drivers to do stupid things that can have massive life changing impacts.
Uhhh screw respect in this instance? If this kid says something to someone, you could be arrested and brought before a court even if nothing happened. They clearly are already lying about the whole scenario. Burn that bridge, asap. I’d even possibly involve parents so they know what’s up. Clear the air before some teen gossip happens and things get out of control.
Wait, FOURTEEN? I thought you were going to say 19 or something like that. Either way just be honest, you’re taken, there’s too much age difference, and (apparently) she’s not your type. She should meet up with someone her own age.
It is not impolite to say something like “I’m married, and even if I wasn’t, you’re underage. We are not dating, and we are not going to date.”
She’s being very inappropriate in this situation. That isn’t really meant to be a harsh judgment of her because she’s a kid and kids shouldn’t be expected to how to behave yet, especially when they’re very new to experiencing feelings of sexual or romantic attraction. Shutting her down firmly (but without any cruelty) will help her learn.
Tell her that you don’t think that the two of you match.
List the things you look for (and have).
Then list the thing she looks for (that you can’t provide)Document everything. And avoid the hell out of her. It’s impossible to predict how turning anyone down can go, so the safest course of action is to not turn her down, but to never go near her again
Make sure to never be alone with her.
Please tell everything to your wife first.
Tell her to stop. Then cease all contact. No need to be respectful. It’s not a situation that needs fine granularity.
You are the adult in this and it’s always going to be your responsibility to do the right thing. So act like a responsible adult.
First, make sure you’re never alone with her. It’s important to have someone be able to vouch for you that nothing bad happened. Even if it’s not her intention, rumors spread and mutate in the most unexpected ways, and you’ll want to make sure you’re in the clear if it ever comes to pass that people start to suspect that you are having a relationship with her.
Second, you’ll want to speak with her. Make it clear that you are serious and that this is a serious talk. Whenever you see her next, just say something like “we need to have a talk.” Might be cliche, but the cliche aspect of it reinforces the serious nature of it IMO, since most people already associate that phrase with something serious.
You don’t need to be rude, but you need to be very clear where you stand on the matter. Make it clear that 1) you are not in a relationship with her, 2) you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, 3) you don’t appreciate her saying that you’re in a relationship with her. With talks of this nature, there’s no point beating around the bush. She may be temporarily hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt due to rejection and hurt due to injustice. She will come to appreciate the honesty in time.
Tell your wife the situation beforehand, because it’s possible the girl will tell lies in retaliation for her hurt feelings. If she’s been crushing on you the scenarios are already in her head, she won’t even have to make them up. Stay calm and remember you’re the adults.
Just don’t be
Explain to her that it’s immoral, you’re not attracted to children, and that you will be going no contact with her.
This is not a “how do I be polite” situation. This is a “how do I cover my ass legally” situation. Mistake it for the former at your peril.
I don’t know which country OP is from, but it’s completely legal in many countries. Source
Still potentially risky nowadays. Don’t take chances.
Not all the world is the US. Luckily.
But a lot of the world got caught up in their moral crusades, which they love to export.
Honestly, why be polite? She needs to get the message loud and clear, and preferably it ought to have the effect of discouraging her from attempting to repeat it with anybody else
