Alcohol and weed don’t sound appealing.
Ooh, study for 14 hours straight and forget to eat! That’s usually what I do. Wild times.
Sext her.
Sext her sister
Sext her sister’s BIL
My dad would always cook up liver and onions when Mom was away. He loved the dish, the smell made her retch. So he took advantage, cooked it up early while she was away so the house would air out by the time she returned.
What do you do (or avoid doing) out of courtesy to your wife that you can enjoy while she’s away and unaffected?
My mum was raised without eating pork (they just didn’t have it growing up), and my dad saw and heard the abattoir near daily and associates the smell of pork with screaming children.
On the odd weekend when they were both away, us kids would sprint to the store, grab reams of bacon and cook it fast on the sly for a real fry-up. We’d have to air out the house as well afterwards to get rid of the smell, but they’d always know and complain about it when they got back
I’m so glad your mom and dad found each other.
Protip for if you find a time machine: Charcoal Grill, fire extinguisher, tinfoil, and a pan that’ll fit in the grill. Start your grill, get it all hot and stuff, line your pan with foil, drop your bacon on, cover, and check occasionally, flip when needed. DO NOT spill the grease, but if you do that’s why the fire extinguisher is here. For best results use thick cut bacon (always).
Keeps the smell outside and it’ll be some of the best bacon you’ve ever had, it’s just kiiiind of a fire hazard…
Have you thought of lipstick and nail polish?
Sleep on her side of the bed. Then don’t tell her what you did.
This is some next-level chaos.
She’ll know. The smell. Also the breadcrumbs.
And bits of dried pizza cheese.
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YEEEEEE LEZZ GOOOOOO
I watch horribly artsy movies or put speed runs on the big TV, blast music aloud, I order a pizza, and I consume the substances you don’t find appealing, and I wear the same clothes the entire time without changing
When my partner is out of town, I put porn on the big screen
When my partner is out of town that’s the one time I splurge for an actual porn subscription
Don’t change your underwear for two days.
Already on it.
I’m proud of you.
If you don’t like alcohol or weed, cocaine is a helluva drug.
Heh yeah. I’ll just call up my xoke dealer.
Aww yeah, gonna get the iron warmed up for an all nighter
In that situation I make myself a half-rack of pork ribs in the slowcooker.
Wife doesn’t actually mind this, she just doesn’t care for pork ribs herself and I don’t feel like making her a separate meal when I’m indulging my inner carnivore.
My wife would not want to miss out on ribs.
Buy one of those silicone eggs to jerk off with
You guys are amazing
Pee in all the sinks.
What about the sink I poop in?
Cleaning that up is gonna be work.
The shower.
Waffle stomp!
Truest statement.
