I’m just emotionally detaching from it. He felt that was necessary for him so I fee it necessary to limit my exposure to folks who do that kinda thing. I don’t allow people to play tiddlywinks with my emotions and friendship like that so in my way, I’m grateful he finally confirmed his cowardice and flakiness (i know, unemotional, amirite? Work in progress ;)
I would say that there can be many reasons for a persons absence in you life. But in this absence we can also see our own fears.
I am literally slightly ignoring someone whose uncanny birthdy is today. A person from the comments said it. some people reduce their circle when it gets tough. For me, i find it hard to be person right now. Every single day is the make or break of my life. Massive debt, constant house of cards feeling.
I recieved a message, she said it’s her birthday. I look at my personal calender, i reply, yes it is, what you want me to do about it.
I was rude. I know that someone really cares and it’s her birthday even, why not just be nice?
Then again if someone is willin to force quit a friend just because they are absent is just having trust issues. And as someone who is still my best friend to this day once said. “you don’t just throw this away.”
I honestly hate when people try to nudge you into recognizing their birthday. Its like “we can’t upset the Beavis” and its like, fuck off. If I feel close to you and you’re in my program, I’ll prolly get around to it assuming you haven’t ruined it by soliciting.
People who do that get a wish at 11:59pm lol and next time they do it I stop completely because they got it covered for me so well :)
that is always my instinctual reaction too and why i was harsh in my reply to her, however i recognise it is much more complicated than that.
again why someone tries to remind you of their birthday can be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a male, and you are the only person that remembered it last year and accidentally he let fear take a hold of the keyboard. Maybe it is someone that is always used to getting best wishes and let audacity take hold of their keyboard.
It is spoken expectations that sour a relationship, but fulfilling unspoken expectations is a the relationship.
when you expect people to not break contact you might not be compatible with people who expect that they can come and leave.
But it is okay to have different types of expectations for different people.
It is okay to adapt to someone elses unspoken terms somtimes, you will find that many beautifull people can be very hard to communicate with.
They’ve taken any notion away that it was me who did the effort to take notice and reach out -> violation of autonomy
It feels like im just followimg orders and going with the motions (takes the joy out of it for me)
There’s not always an acceptance that I might feel different about that person so in effect they are asking me to use false words to convey false emotions and ideas (lie)
I run my relationships and I don’t tolerate other people pulling strings or triangulating.
Anybody who knows I haven’t had to find that out from someone (ie the person who’s birthday it is) which means I’m being managed and that person is creating drama over their birthday. They are pullijng me into a defect in themselves and the other person and expecting me to play along with that and be obedient/subservient.
I just really resent when this hapoens and I don’t allow people to continue to do it. If i have a genuine uncomplicated and active relationship with them, there’s no need for micromanagement cuz I will likely have a notification reminding me and I reach out for a quick message and thats the end of it. I also had a mother who was craving an opportunity to pick a fight and dominate you anytime you missed her ______ day so I react viscerally because its often fundamentally meddling with your autonomy and your relationships
The balance I’ve struck is ask if the day is over? Its not, so theres still time right? And then I end the discussion and I reach out at 11:59pm if I want to do so. If they make drama regularly for me about it they stop getting them. Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time, it must be freely given and I’m getting better at recognizing that
“Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time”. I ofcourse do not know the full context but that sounds like the porogative of the person the main post is about.
When marching to a just victory be aware of the trail you leave.
I have force quite relationships by pressing x goodbye and i have stopped talking to people. I only regret the force quit cuz i also coulda just not talked to him for a while and he could return someday.then there wouldn’t even be any stress.
there are times and places for people also tries to convey die or nothing mentalities may close doors, only to satisfy the need to be recognised.
I’m just emotionally detaching from it. He felt that was necessary for him so I fee it necessary to limit my exposure to folks who do that kinda thing. I don’t allow people to play tiddlywinks with my emotions and friendship like that so in my way, I’m grateful he finally confirmed his cowardice and flakiness (i know, unemotional, amirite? Work in progress ;)
I would say that there can be many reasons for a persons absence in you life. But in this absence we can also see our own fears.
I am literally slightly ignoring someone whose uncanny birthdy is today. A person from the comments said it.
some people reduce their circle when it gets tough. For me, i find it hard to be person right now. Every single day is the make or break of my life. Massive debt, constant house of cards feeling.I recieved a message, she said it’s her birthday. I look at my personal calender, i reply, yes it is, what you want me to do about it.
I was rude. I know that someone really cares and it’s her birthday even, why not just be nice?
Then again if someone is willin to force quit a friend just because they are absent is just having trust issues. And as someone who is still my best friend to this day once said. “you don’t just throw this away.”
I honestly hate when people try to nudge you into recognizing their birthday. Its like “we can’t upset the Beavis” and its like, fuck off. If I feel close to you and you’re in my program, I’ll prolly get around to it assuming you haven’t ruined it by soliciting.
People who do that get a wish at 11:59pm lol and next time they do it I stop completely because they got it covered for me so well :)
U took away your own upvote eh 😇
that is always my instinctual reaction too and why i was harsh in my reply to her, however i recognise it is much more complicated than that.
again why someone tries to remind you of their birthday can be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a male, and you are the only person that remembered it last year and accidentally he let fear take a hold of the keyboard. Maybe it is someone that is always used to getting best wishes and let audacity take hold of their keyboard.
It is spoken expectations that sour a relationship, but fulfilling unspoken expectations is a the relationship.
when you expect people to not break contact you might not be compatible with people who expect that they can come and leave.
But it is okay to have different types of expectations for different people.
It is okay to adapt to someone elses unspoken terms somtimes, you will find that many beautifull people can be very hard to communicate with.
I just mean I find it distasteful beause now
They’ve taken any notion away that it was me who did the effort to take notice and reach out -> violation of autonomy
It feels like im just followimg orders and going with the motions (takes the joy out of it for me)
There’s not always an acceptance that I might feel different about that person so in effect they are asking me to use false words to convey false emotions and ideas (lie)
I run my relationships and I don’t tolerate other people pulling strings or triangulating.
Anybody who knows I haven’t had to find that out from someone (ie the person who’s birthday it is) which means I’m being managed and that person is creating drama over their birthday. They are pullijng me into a defect in themselves and the other person and expecting me to play along with that and be obedient/subservient.
I just really resent when this hapoens and I don’t allow people to continue to do it. If i have a genuine uncomplicated and active relationship with them, there’s no need for micromanagement cuz I will likely have a notification reminding me and I reach out for a quick message and thats the end of it. I also had a mother who was craving an opportunity to pick a fight and dominate you anytime you missed her ______ day so I react viscerally because its often fundamentally meddling with your autonomy and your relationships
The balance I’ve struck is ask if the day is over? Its not, so theres still time right? And then I end the discussion and I reach out at 11:59pm if I want to do so. If they make drama regularly for me about it they stop getting them. Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time, it must be freely given and I’m getting better at recognizing that
“Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time”. I ofcourse do not know the full context but that sounds like the porogative of the person the main post is about.
When marching to a just victory be aware of the trail you leave.
I have force quite relationships by pressing x goodbye and i have stopped talking to people. I only regret the force quit cuz i also coulda just not talked to him for a while and he could return someday.then there wouldn’t even be any stress.
there are times and places for people also tries to convey die or nothing mentalities may close doors, only to satisfy the need to be recognised.