I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Paternity leave is a no brainer for families of all stripes. Both spouses should have time off to care for their children in the first year of their life, especially during the vulnerable first year before they are immunized against dangerous diseases. And I’m in a same sex relationship, so I’m definitely using it when we are ready to have kids, haha.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Edit: adding onto this, all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations. It’s insane that some women’s do, but men’s do not.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Heck yes. 12 weeks is nothing. The baby still needs a ton of help at this stage.
all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations
This is unfortunately one of those things that people care about greatly for a very short time when it affects them and then never more. It never really gets any traction.
Thankfully it never was much of an issue to me, even if I almost singlehandedly changed every single diaper due to my wife having a bad shoulder. I quickly learned to change a diaper everywhere. On the floor, in the car, busting into the ladies nursery rooms, just everywhere. I got so good at it, that I bet I could change a diaper faster and cleaner than a Formula One wheel even without a table.
Nobody ever complained. The only odd situation was when I busted into a nursing room full of muslim women where a young mother was breastfeeding. Her entourage gave me quite the looks and standing in my way shielding her, so I said “I need to change diaper”. The mother looked up and everyone was watching her for a reaction, but she smiled and said “It’s right over there” pointing me to the changing table. It was quite the stinker, so I apologized on my way out.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
And that is why paternity leave is really important for the father and baby.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
I love this perspective. I’ve definitely become inured to diaper changes and I try to get them done as fast as possible, but this is sweet and you’re right, it’s a moment for some low key play, eye contact and for them to know you’re taking good care of them. What a nice way of looking at cleaning up poop 😆
I absolutely love that you’re doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
They were not “just born to be one”, it’s just the propaganda is so strong
We are all exposed to the same propaganda.
Congrats on the kid! You sound like you’ll be a much better dad than your coworkers.
I would say that, ideally, it should be up to the businesses if they want to uphold that, though that stance should be specified at the beginning.
It should be up to businesses how parents decide to raise their newborn?
Fuck off.
Not what I said. I am saying it should be up to businesses if they want to yield to that. It strikes me as entitled to say granting the money during their leave is the only acceptable way of going about it. But excuse me for seeing that someone asked what I think of paternity leave and not answering how they might’ve wanted.
Oregon has this and it was amazing to take 12 weeks of paternity. We can also split it up, so I did part time for like 30 weeks. Kept us from needing to find childcare until she was almost 1.
Fuck your coworkers opinions. Even the 12 weeks I got is nothing compared to my Norwegian coworkers.
That is an absolute no-brainer. Pay aside, take care of family.
That’s the whole purpose of the pay anyhow, money is just an odd totem that we allow to take care of our families.
Plus, you get to hang out with the little one for 3 months! Your wife loves you even better. It’s wins all the way down.
Most men are hard working and want to support their families
… which is exactly why you should take paternity leave and support your family, instead of abandoning them for 8 hours a day at work. I’d feel like a total asshole if I just took off and said, “Good luck with the baby, honey. I’m gonna go hang out with my friends at work.”
8 hours a day plus whatever the commute time is (times two)
Lunch isn’t included; 8-5 is 9 hours…
Fuuuuck that. There’s a reason it’s offered. You get once in your life to see your newborns like that. Fuck your coworkers, take the time.
And this is coming from someone who is child free and really doesn’t enjoy kids personally. Take the time, be with your family. Jobs come and go but your family is who matters. Start talking the other way. “I want to make sure I absorb this while I can, I can’t imagine missing these moments” and “this will only happen once or twice in my life, how could I miss that?”.
Would you be happier doing what those people did? I don’t think so. But they might have been happier doing it that way. You do you, you’ve earned it! Enjoy the extra time with your family, you may not get another chance like this for a long time!
Most democratic countries have a full 12 months leave or more for whichever parent ( or shared between both.) Maybe this lack of early bonding and co-regulation between family members explains US as it is today.
Nah, it’s the lead and microplastics
I was interviewing with my current company while my wife was pregnant and I didn’t disclose it to them bc I didn’t want it to impact my hireability. My wife was due about a month into my tenure after I got hired. I told my boss after I was hired, and only took maybe a week off. The only reason I took such a short amount of time was I didn’t want my boss to think poorly of me so soon into the job and make a good 1st impression. I was sleep deprived the whole time and my performance was definitely impacted.
When my 2nd was born, you best believe I took the full 12 weeks, and every day was worth it. That bonding time is absolutely irreplaceable, and I wish I had it the first go 'round. You only get 1 chance at it. Fuck your coworkers, they’re probably shitty parents.
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Yea F those tools that judge you on wanting to be there for your wife and kid.
For some providing a reliable income is their way of supporting, but man is it great to actually provide the time to be there in person
In my work environment (in the US), people have roughly this much paternity leave, and it is taken for granted that they will take it because this is viewed as important even if their absence during this time inconveniences the rest of us. They often split it up, though, instead of taking it in a single contiguous chunk.
Central Europe here, i have never seen someone question taking paternity leave. Sure, especially the managers might complain behind their backs about workload or scheduling, but nobody questioned the decision.
12 weeks paternity leave at 85% salary? Damn, that’s sweet, even by many EU standards.
I wouldn’t think twice about taking it.
