I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
I came into this thread thinking I’d just post “Uhh, it was pretty nice?”
Then I read the post text. Jesus fuck.
The other comments are probably right, no real point in doing anything but ignoring them. But goddamn, my first instinct would be to try and call them out on that bullshit attitude. No way am I clever enough to do it effectively, though.
I did call them out a bit. The thing that broke me was when I said something like “I provide a lot more than financial support. I cook, clean, change diapers etc…” And I saw the group split between the guys who do that stuff and those who don’t.
It made me sad, a lot of these guys are only a few years older than me and can’t really blame it on “how things used to be”. I felt like I was in the 50s or something and I needed to check if the bathrooms were segregated. I’ve never seen such ignorant toxic masculinity in real life, and I used to work in construction 10 years ago.
I absolutely love that you’re doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
They were not “just born to be one”, it’s just the propaganda is so strong
We are all exposed to the same propaganda.
Congrats on the kid! You sound like you’ll be a much better dad than your coworkers.
I would say that, ideally, it should be up to the businesses if they want to uphold that, though that stance should be specified at the beginning.
It should be up to businesses how parents decide to raise their newborn?
Fuck off.
Not what I said. I am saying it should be up to businesses if they want to yield to that. It strikes me as entitled to say granting the money during their leave is the only acceptable way of going about it. But excuse me for seeing that someone asked what I think of paternity leave and not answering how they might’ve wanted.
Oregon has this and it was amazing to take 12 weeks of paternity. We can also split it up, so I did part time for like 30 weeks. Kept us from needing to find childcare until she was almost 1.
Fuck your coworkers opinions. Even the 12 weeks I got is nothing compared to my Norwegian coworkers.
heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”
Very cringe and capitalist boot-licking mindset
Let me introduce you to a new concept: 躺平
Chinese people are actually so based and is already resisting their State-Capitalist CCP tyranny
We should learn a thing or two
😎
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay
You get paid?
OF COURSE FUCKING TAKE IT. I’d even take it unpaid, GETTING PAID IS LIKE A CHERRY ON TOP. TAKE IT 😎
The quote you’ve quoted is insane. My company gives full pay and same time as maternity leave. 15% pay is fucked. My partner and I are never having kids but I fully support that.
That is an absolute no-brainer. Pay aside, take care of family.
That’s the whole purpose of the pay anyhow, money is just an odd totem that we allow to take care of our families.
Plus, you get to hang out with the little one for 3 months! Your wife loves you even better. It’s wins all the way down.
Most men are hard working and want to support their families
… which is exactly why you should take paternity leave and support your family, instead of abandoning them for 8 hours a day at work. I’d feel like a total asshole if I just took off and said, “Good luck with the baby, honey. I’m gonna go hang out with my friends at work.”
8 hours a day plus whatever the commute time is (times two)
Lunch isn’t included; 8-5 is 9 hours…
Fuuuuck that. There’s a reason it’s offered. You get once in your life to see your newborns like that. Fuck your coworkers, take the time.
And this is coming from someone who is child free and really doesn’t enjoy kids personally. Take the time, be with your family. Jobs come and go but your family is who matters. Start talking the other way. “I want to make sure I absorb this while I can, I can’t imagine missing these moments” and “this will only happen once or twice in my life, how could I miss that?”.
Would you be happier doing what those people did? I don’t think so. But they might have been happier doing it that way. You do you, you’ve earned it! Enjoy the extra time with your family, you may not get another chance like this for a long time!
Both parents should be entitled to take 12 months leave as a minimum, and their employer should be required to pay their salary and protect their position during that time.
In a lot of developed countries the employer can claim back money from the government when a employee takes maternity leave or sick leave.
That way companies don’t really have a reason to discriminate based on if you might get pregnant etc.
I believe in leave for having a child but how do you picture this working unless it is government funded? Lad and lass get out of college at 22. Enter their first job. Are there for 6 months to a year, and then take a year off, go back to work for 6-12 months, off for a year. Now they are 25-26 years old, 2 kids and have at most 2 years of experience in their field. Have only worked for the company for most 2 years and had 2 years off. In which then many would leave that job as it no longer fits around their schedules assuming the business didn’t do layoffs and such.
I know a lot of people think they’ll wait till their older to have kids but a lot of that is about time and financial security. If I knew my job was secure when I was coming out of college I would have married my then fiancee and would have reproduced 2-3 times at that age. Putting 60,000 young humans in a small area made for a lot of active fit horny people. I know a lot of Universities are smaller, but either way, I can’t see any small businesses surviving it. They’d all have to choose to hire 35+ year old workers to lower their odds of paying out the leave. (Unless like mentioned previously it’s all covered by the state)
I mean, I’m no economist so I cant exactly speak on the how, but the government should be involved in the funding for this, passing the financial burden onto parents would just cause either those couples to not have kids, or not give those new born kids the adequate attention they need leading to further problems in their life.
Oh I agree it would help with birth rates. And mental health of the population. But healthy isn’t what we do around here. I watched a woman with 1 arm being told off last night at work that she wasn’t likely to be able to keep her performance numbers up and should consider quitting instead of trying to ask her if she would find a better fit somewhere else that would work better for her situation. They are hiring like crazy so just about every position is open. The people watch you go through a metal detector on the way in and tell you to take your keys out and try again. You can do that all day with 1 arm. (Strange that we have that, but huge company and many expensive parts I assume they are worried people might be walking out with. Or maybe it’s for cameras coming in… Idk. Either way, they are hiring for positions that don’t require you to belittle someone but rather find a better use, it’s not like they could have gotten through interviews and paperwork without disclosing they had a disability. (Not to mention companies get tax write offs for having employees with disabilities last I checked)
-sorry for the rant, new contract one week down and learning what kind of company it is
No worries, happy to read your rant. Hope your job gets better
Most democratic countries have a full 12 months leave or more for whichever parent ( or shared between both.) Maybe this lack of early bonding and co-regulation between family members explains US as it is today.
Nah, it’s the lead and microplastics
I was interviewing with my current company while my wife was pregnant and I didn’t disclose it to them bc I didn’t want it to impact my hireability. My wife was due about a month into my tenure after I got hired. I told my boss after I was hired, and only took maybe a week off. The only reason I took such a short amount of time was I didn’t want my boss to think poorly of me so soon into the job and make a good 1st impression. I was sleep deprived the whole time and my performance was definitely impacted.
When my 2nd was born, you best believe I took the full 12 weeks, and every day was worth it. That bonding time is absolutely irreplaceable, and I wish I had it the first go 'round. You only get 1 chance at it. Fuck your coworkers, they’re probably shitty parents.
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Yea F those tools that judge you on wanting to be there for your wife and kid.
For some providing a reliable income is their way of supporting, but man is it great to actually provide the time to be there in person
