Many people view “looks” with a strong filter of personality. So being active, funny, nice, kind, etc. would actually, really, make you look more attractive to people.
Dress well, stay clean, get fit, improve yourself as much as possible. But do these things to make yourself a better person, not with an ulterior motive.
Self improvement to realize an idealized self is it’s own reward. In doing so, you become more attractive to people in a natural way. It’s not contradictory. Chasing self improvement as a vehicle to love or sex has the pitfall of losing your motivation for self improvement when you suffer rejection, but rejection is normal, common, and not as big a deal as it can sometimes feel.
To what end?
Many people view “looks” with a strong filter of personality. So being active, funny, nice, kind, etc. would actually, really, make you look more attractive to people.
Dress well, stay clean, get fit, improve yourself as much as possible. But do these things to make yourself a better person, not with an ulterior motive.
If you want this, do that.
But don’t do that because you want this.
Self improvement to realize an idealized self is it’s own reward. In doing so, you become more attractive to people in a natural way. It’s not contradictory. Chasing self improvement as a vehicle to love or sex has the pitfall of losing your motivation for self improvement when you suffer rejection, but rejection is normal, common, and not as big a deal as it can sometimes feel.
If you want this, do that.
But don’t do that only because you want this.
It’s still pretty contradictory.
I think it’s just one of the necessary contradictions/lies that society requires to function.