Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
It helps to understand what is being communicated here. It’s not a genuine request for your health status, it’s a friendly greeting. The last thing anyone wants in response to “how are you” is a list of everything that’s wrong with you. If you struggle to cope with replying “fine” or equivalent, refuse to answer the question and respond instead with something like “hi/hello!”. The non-sequitur will jar them for a moment and hopefully they’ll learn not to ask dumb questions.
It is infuriating. I’ve taken to answering the question more literal. “How” am I? Well, it depends who you ask but the leading scientific consensus is that our known universe began to take shape in what’s known as the great expansion. And then…
You gotta make people learn to stop asking you that.
“The horrors persist, but so do I.”
Your issue doesn’t seem to be the greeting itself. Please - talk with someone about your potential depression. Maybe someday you can say honestly “I’m OK.” and it’ll sit better.
"Struggle, endure, contend. For that alone is the sword of one who defies death. "
“Struggle is the bread of life. It is the element that distinguishes the living from the dead”
“No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within those who fight.”
“In times of despair, remember this: the darkest nights produce the brightest stars. Endure, and you will find your path”
Just stop treating it as communication. It’s a symbolic protocol that means “hello”. It’s a handshake.
And don’t rely on your clients to be the ones you open up to. Join a men’s group or a women’s circling group, so you have someone to communicate with.
I don’t, I rely an ready made sentences that require no effort on my part are that are not lies at all. Depending who’s asking when someone is asking me how well I’m I will answer (it’s in French)
- ‘Je vais bien, pas le choix!’ (I’m doing well, no choice!) or more often ‘Je vais toujours bien, c’est défendu d’aller mal!’ (I’m always well, It’s forbidden to feel bad!'). Edit I will more often than not smile, saying that.
- ‘Bien sur et toi?’ (sure, and you?) and, yep, I purposefully do not answer the question.
I don’t lie (I may even hint that I may not be doing that well, in the first type of answers) but I also shamelessly use the fact that most people don’t give the slightest crap how well I really am when they’re asking. That’s small-talk 101. Like saying ‘the weather is nice today, isn’t it?’
The less interactions I have with the kind of persons who rely on small-talk, the happier I’m. So, it never bothers me to be ‘polite’ as I know how efficient it is to shorten the time and energy I waste with them.
Curiosity question, is it common where you’re from for people to ask how you’re doing as a form of greeting? I had always heard it was such an American thing to do.
Here in France it’s probably the norm the moment it’s some other person you vaguely know. Or if there is no ‘power’ our authority relation involved.
That said, things me be different for younger people (I’m in my 50s) as I’ve noticed they don’t talk that much in person.
I don’t know what your job is but I just either ignore the question immediately moving on, or give a short honest answer. I work at a servo though and that might not work.
Breathing is the answer that gets the best response for me.
Breathing? Just standing there, breathing, without giving an answer? What does breathing mean here?
I say the word breathing.
“How are you today?”
“Breathing”
I stopped saying I’m good. I just kinda shrug. If they ask how it’s going, I tell them it hasn’t stopped, and that’s supposedly a good thing so…eh.
Lying in general wears me down, but if I told a client or passer-by how I’m actually doing I’d be drugged out of my mind in a padded room by the end of the week. Occasionally I “squeak by” with a “Any day above ground, right?” This can’t be healthy.
My response is:
Good, as long as I don’t think about it.
I just stopped saying I’m fine. It’s actually pretty fun to make things awkward. My best situations are usually “been better” and I’m usually more like “pretty shitty, my guy”. People who didn’t mean to ask will just wish me well but the best are when people agree with you and you go on a rant about shitty people for a half hour.
I use “Getting by. We’re all just getting by.” I usually get a reply like, “Ain’t that the truth.” More real, and it invites an attitude of being in it together.
Arrive at work.
Coworker asks, “How are you?”
I respond, “Well, I’m here.”
Coworker nods knowingly.
I’ve been going with “surviving” for the last year or so. It’s about as good as I can confess to myself most days. I agree with you in that “good thanks”, you? Feels you close to lying for my morals on my bad days.
Its so annoying question sometimes, “how are you”. I dont want to start conversation about it and i dont want other person to worry. Buts its also polite so you cant really do anything about it and alternative would likely just be they dont say anything at all which would be cold. I hate lying or being expected to just go through the motions.
I hated that question when I worked at jobs where I got yelled at by customers.
Just give a number out of ten.
Have you considered ego death? Abandon concepts like being polite or not rocking the boat. Do something you think might be enjoyable because you can and laugh off others who don’t understand. Life is too short to be normal.
Life is a sandbox game and nowhere it says you need to play it like other people do. I look at the lives of the “average person” and I don’t want what they have so I also don’t see why I should do what they do and expect a different outcome. Ofcourse one doesn’t just choose to not care about what others think - it’s not that easy, but there are small steps you can take towards it that you can do every day.
For example: I like looking at things. Virtually every day I notice something and go: “what is that?” A normal person would maybe look at it while walking by without stopping but not me. I’m the guy others walk by wondering what the hell is he doing. Just yesterday there was this fascinating chain mail curtain that a store uses to close in the cashier window at night and I spent a solid 2 minutes there twiddling with it while the staff was wondering if I’m going to buy something or not. Nah, I’m just studying this thing here.
