For those harsh moments of lucidity that break through the armor and pierce your heart.
For me, the cute moments of playful experimentation couldn’t quite penetrate my denial, but they did weaken it enough for the strong hits to make it through. I would quickly try to block and repair as best I could, but the structure was compromised and couldn’t hold like before. All these hits came from myself; from actually considering that I could be trans
Oh my, I don’t know if you can close this box. I doubt the genie will fit back in. It might be more trouble trying to find your way back than to move forward.
I recently realized that the transition itself wasn’t the hardest part for me. I wasn’t brave for transitioning, as I only went through with it when there was nothing left to lose. The part that really took courage was accepting myself. That was more scary than any of the struggles I’ve had trying to transition. Having the courage to love me was harder than fighting for treatment, dealing with political anxieties, and learning how to be fem. I want to fight for myself now, but working up the courage to do that was the toughest battle.