Well, Christ came riding upon an ass, so I think this is an easy question to answer
He was homosexual based on all his male buddies he liked to have dinner with. So, definitely an ass lover.
jesus is an ass man. seen stickers making this statement.
Considering this is the middle ear were talking about, he’s be an ankle/feet man
That’s why he always wanted to wash them
Someone should ask Biff.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamb:_The_Gospel_According_to_Biff,_Christ's_Childhood_Pal
(It is such a good and very funny book.)
It’s a tough question, to be sure. I mean, we can look through the book for hints about it here and there, but I think the best way is to look at the followers who are closest to him. That said… Pedophile. Jesus was definitely a pedophile.
I’m not criticizing your conclusion, I just want to know how you got there xD
Priests fucking altar boys
Yeah, people suck.
I honestly can’t say, but I know one thing for certain.
the man loved to get nailed.
More resigned to it. Has to close his eyes and think of England.
He did carry around some pretty large wood.
Unsurprising, he was hung too.
His best buddy was super hung. You can’t tell me the J-man didn’t know about his fellow J’s swinging.
Long hair, glamorous face, skinny ripped body? Jesus was a twink.
Not Korean Jesus. He’s swole af. Turns water into pre-workout.
Boobs? Ass? Ew. He was clearly a dong man. That whole bit about parting the sea? He actually just whipped out his gigantic cock and created a bridge with it.
Pretty sure that was a different guy. Both had giant dongs they could part water with, but the Red Sea was definitely Moses.
I thought “parting the Sea” was a euphemism for spreading some bussy?
Dick. Jesus was gay.
Wait a minute. Since how long do we have books?
Ufff… these were not the most advanced societies at the time (not philosophically, not technologically, not culturally, not in any meaningful way):
Lust is sinful, and Jesus was without sin, though
Ergo he exploited the poophole loophole, thus our brother in Christ was (is?) an ass man.
The whole “camel through eye of a needle” allegory is a hidden clue for anal obsession /s
Having attraction preferences doesn’t mean you’re lustful.
Depends on whom you’re asking, but lots of christians consider it a sin outside of marriage. Super healthy message to give young kids /s
This post comes up every so often, and every time either I, or someone else, reminds people that one of the Bible’s biggest stories is that of Jesus washing Mary Magdalene’s feet. Mary Magdalene was a “street walker” at the time, which is old times speak for hooker, thus making him a feet guy
You gotta be careful though, because the Bible basically called every woman that is featured in it a whore. A lot of this is actually more modern translation stuff, clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
Holy shit they were based in 500 AD?
clerics when they see a woman:
There’s nothing that points to Mary Magdalene being a prostitute. She’s conflated with another character who was, but they aren’t directly connected in the text.
He washed all the disciples feet ;)
No, washing feet was a common thing - they wore sandals or walked barefoot most of the time, it was a common hygiene practice. It was just a task for “submissive”-classed people - the wife would wash the husband’s feet, and so on.
Jesus was subverting social norms in multiple ways.
Jesus seemed like a great dude. Shame that none of his followers pay attention to the lessons he taught.
So what you’re saying is… Jesus was a bottom.
Service sub
I know I just thought it was funny
Agreed he had an obsession with washing peoples feet. As I see it, as an evolved and enlightened human he was probably a pan sexual with a feet washing fetish
There are claims that the translation of the bible is wrong on this though.
In short, feet might mean genitalia. I really have no opinion on it, but it makes a lot of sense. The purpose of even describing the submissive act of washing feet aligns well with the old Greek teacher and pupil relationships to present Jesus as a stand up guy who will go down on anybody, men or women, regardless of their status. He took your sins and such.
The message is the same anyway, so I suppose it has been whitewashed a bit throughout the years.
The reason why I want to believe it is that it would also explain why he was so popular that contemporary writers would bother writing anything about him.
He didn’t really break it down much, did he? Basically just spent 4 minutes saying that people who study the bible don’t agree on it.
Unless I linked the wrong breakdown, he goes into examples in the Bible of when feet are euphemistically, and compares those to the descriptions of Jesus washing feet - that they had dissimilar language and don’t match. I don’t think you can gloss what he said as “people who study the Bible don’t agree on it” - he’s an academic, and academics couch their language. I thought it was clear that he was mildly entertaining the idea more out of amusement and to give some context as an educator.
Like, so ridiculous a suggestion that you would need substantial evidence for it be reasonable. The symbolism behind the act of service seems fairly clear - washing feet is placing yourself in submission to someone. Aligns with more explicit textual things: “turn the other cheek” etc.
This sounds heretic as fuck so I’m gonna roll with it
Cock.
He was a fisher of men, after all. 😏
It doesn’t matter 'cause it would be a miracle if he brought a lady home.
Because while Jesus was prayin’
Fuckin’ Craig was layin’
Every lady in the testament
You know what I’m sayin’
HES FUCKING CRAIG
craig christ
I wouldn’t die for your sins, like my famous kin,
but if you got a little sister then there’s room at this inn!
I’m not my brother, I know
Don’t walk on H2O
But I got hydroponic shit that me and Judas grow
