One of my new friends is/was a cop. Just found out about it. I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice. I don’t know him super well yet, though. He’s a big part of this new friend group and I don’t know how to process this and how to deal with the fact he’s a cop.
I don’t want to look past the fact he’s a cop, but I want to stay his friend and stay in this friend group.
Any advice for dealing with this shit?
I can’t talk to my therapist about it until Thursday.
I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice.
What you’re experiencing is cognitive dissonance. New information is clashing with your prior beliefs, leaving you with a choice: either update your beliefs or double down and lie to yourself even harder.
The thing is: which belief is the lie? Can cops not be bastards? Or is this guy not as nice as he appears to be?
That all cops are bastards.
Oh yeah? You gonna open up to a cop? You gonna talk to him about stuff, maybe? You know, about that thing? What’s he gonna do? Is he gonna write it down later? What if he finds out about your association with a minority? Is he gonna arrest your friend because of something you let slip? Does he hide when his friends and family commit crimes? Can you trust a friend like that?
Because the fact he chose a bastard job makes him a bastard.
I feel bad for you. The imaginary world you live in must be really terrifying.
Where I live, there’s a strict screening process to become a cop. It requires a three-year education, and you need a college degree just to apply. There are far more applicants than available spots, so even many good candidates don’t make it in. Trust in the police is generally quite high among the population, they’re respected, and every time a firearm is used for example, it’s investigated thoroughly. Officers do face legal consequences when malpractice is discovered.
So, yeah, I’d hang out with a cop and talk to them about the same stuff I’d discuss with anyone else.
Oooooh, so your opinion is irrelevant everywhere else.
How can you be so sure that’s the lie? Is that not just your own prior belief? Why do others need to evaluate their beliefs, but yours should only be doubled down on? Is that not cognitive dissonance?
There are tens of millions of cops around the world. The idea that not a single one of them is a good person is so statistically improbable that I’d bet my life on it being false.
Can you name another broad generalization that applies to every single member of that group without exception?
It’s not statistical probability. It’s cause and effect. All cops are bastards not because of luck, but because only bastards remain cops.
Ever heard the phrase “Nazi bar”? You let one nazi stick around, then more nazis come in and people who aren’t nazis have to either leave, be nice to the nazis, or put up with a lot of nazi attacks. Either way, the entire bar becomes full of nazis.
Law enforcement is a bastard bar. If you’re not a bastard, you leave. If you stay, you’re either a bastard, a bastard enabler, or you have a target on your back and won’t be a cop for long.
It’s a private club that is only open to bastards. If someone stays, it’s because the group decided they belong.
When you realize that the cop on the job and the person in their free time are 2 separate, almost independent, personalities, the cognitive dissonance goes away.
Uh no. That is exactly what cognitive dissonance IS.
No. If you want to correct someone, please be sure to know your definitions.
Cognitive dissonance is a process inside the observers mind. In this example it goes something like this: ‘I believe all cops are bastards’ vs. ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ -> something doesnt match, thats the dissonance.
My sarcastic comment hinted at the person OP met not being a cop, but the flipside of a human that is a cop in their job and a completely different person in their freetime (like schizophrenics). This makes the second statement ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ untrue and resolves the dissonance.
It is not cognitive dissonance to understand that people wear different masks around different people Your best friend can be nice to you while secretly abusing his family. Cop can treat others like subhumans, and still be nice to you. Still a bastard.
Talk to him and if he turns out to be a douche then stop and tell him to fuck off. NGL The Chance for him being a douche is higher because of his Job, but maybe he is not.
All cops means ALL COPS. I’ve known friends & family who are great people. Loving fathers, caring husbands, cool dudes all around, but they were none the less cops. If you want to still be friends, great, unless you’re discussing potentially incriminating stuff, you’re probably fine (but even then there are damn good reasons lawyers tell people, innocent or not, to NEVER EVER TALK TO COPS EVER). This is the kinda thing where a relationship must nessisarily be different from the rest of the group, for the safety of yourselves & others. Don’t rat out your friend who’s got a hungry newborn & no money for babyfood, for instance. Maybe this difference is for the better, maybe for the worse, that’s yours to work out.
All Cops Are Bastards, not nessisarily because they, themselves, as individuals, are bastards. But because of the job itself. What it expects of these people, the mentalities/ideas/trained responses it instills in them, the training & culture, what is expected of them, their responsibilities & tasks, how they are conditioned to perform them, the laws they are paid to enforce & how they’re made to enforce them, etc. All of these make them a bastard same as any other cop because THE JOB ITSELF IS A BASTARD.
I won’t describe how, there’s plenty of info out there, & it sounds like you already have some understanding of it. Here’s a link or two anyway.
Bottom line, they can still be a friend. Definitely a different kind of friend than you might be used to, possibly not as close a friend as they might otherwise be, but still a friend. But until they get that pink slip, (i.e, get fired or quit) be careful. If not for yourself, than for the people around you who are vulnerable. People of color, women, homeless, mentally ill or different, queer, activist, even those they are closest to, all of the above & more qualify as such. The power he wields has been used constantly to frustrate the lives of the above since their badge was made of silver, & likely will be for some time to come.
All Cops Are Bastards, because the job itself is.
Finally a good fucking answer
My sister-in-law, a cop, married a cop. She also moonlights as a paramedic and fireman, but he does the investigative shit and comes home to his kids. Every now and then we hear of some bad news out their way and wait nervously until they get home.
She’s a sweetheart and he’s a great guy, funny as the comic actor he looks amazingly like. That’s about it.
But I cheat: in Canada you don’t become a Mountie because there’s no other choice, but for the naive and noble desire to do good things. And they’re paid low, accordingly. Maybe that attracts fewer scumbags? The ones I know from here and there are - except for the one fucking pedant - great humans.
i use to work with the police, and many i considered my friends. i know they were good people, but i also knew those on the force that were not.
part of the acab movement is about how the general public can never know which is which, so it is in our best interest to assume we are always facing the worst of the worst. your intimate knowledge of the person can be held separately from the movement.
i do understand that those good cops allowing those bad cops is a huge issue but thats really on them, not you. officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
I think this is the crux of it. ACAB because any cop with morals and integrity doesn’t keep their job. Those who are left are either monsters or enablers.
Well, either you drop the All from ACAB… or your friend.
With things like cops, you have to remember that if no one with morals goes into it, it’ll keep getting worse.
I have a lot of family that are in some kind of law enforcement, and a couple friends from college that went into it as well.
If you cut them off because they’re cops, then the only people who associate with them are assholes and it concentrates.
Just be upfront about it.
Couple months ago I ran into a friend of a friend from college who’s a cop. The first and last things I said to him was dont be a fucking asshole. Other than that I treated him the same as if he wasn’t a cop.
If we cut that dude out of our lives, the only people he’d talk to would tell him to be more of an asshole.
Like, obviously if he’s doing shady shit, then fuck him.
I see some rather extreme responses here and I am pretty radical too but don’t let this shit replace your common sense judgement when dealing with people on personal level.
Use common sense.
deleted by creator
Wouldn’t be a friend.
I think you deal with it the same way you deal with someone of other political party. If you can have a reasonable argument with them and each explain your values and how you process some issues, it’s OK if they come to a different place than you.
E.g. People can feel for the homeless and come to a different % of assistance vs. job training.But, If it seems like they have an utter lack of empathy for a certain type of person, you call that out and see what happens. If they can’t acknowledge human rights and dignity, you cut them off.
Somebody just learned the dangers of broad generalizations
One of my friends is a veteran. I be sure to tell him my thoughts on his deployment in Afghanistan and I’ve told him multiple times he deserves his PTSD.
But I still love that man as a human and a friend. We get along together, we laugh, I call him a terrible person, and life continues.
Basically, don’t change your beliefs based on who you’re with, and it’s fine to be friends with a cop. I have other friends who are terrible human beings as well, but they make up for it with other great qualities. If anything, being friends with a PoS is the best way to make them a better person; you really have an opportunity to help society.
I’m not saying which country I live in, but I’ve only ever had good experiences with cops. They were polite to me and also helpful. It is a profession which can and does attract bad actors and the extent to which people are vetted differs between locations, but not everyone is going to be like that. There are genuinely nice and caring people out there who want to help and protect people!
Same
Is this person a new friend? Or is this person a cop. Getting to know someone and becoming friends with that person is a relationship. Deciding this person is horrid because they are a cop is superficial. And that person will never be your friend, there is no relationship there. Is this person a Human you want to get to know, or a job title you hate.
