I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
This is not an introvert problem. You just hate people.
Yes because those two concepts are mutually exclusive. /s
Being introvert simply means you need to recharge from social situations after a while. You can still like hanging out with people, even with those damn coworkers.
Maybe being an introvert makes me hate dealing with people and other social situations. Why would anyone force themselves to do something they don’t like?
What you described is being antisocial, not introverted.
*Asocial
Antisocial people actively fight against society. So like criminals raping and robbing. Asocial people just hate being around people.
Thanks. Fixed my comment.
Since you brought it, must be mutually exclusive again, right?
Mutually exclusive or not. Nothing in the description nor the original post depicts introvert behavior.
introvert noun someone who is shy, quiet, and prefers to spend time alone rather than often being with other people
I don’t know what kind of headcanon definition you have. Lots of people ITT seem to over complicate the concept when it’s just as simple as that.
If being an introvert is making you hate socializing, that means you don’t have sufficient recharge time in your life. How can you get more recharge time?
If being an introvert is making you hate socializing, that means you don’t have sufficient recharge time in your life.
Bro, the fuck does this even mean? Why would I “recharge myself” with something I dread for something I don’t need. How would YOU know about me or what do I do in life? or my free time? Aren’t you just projecting?
People will probably keep asking until they learn that you don’t want to answer. This is just how most people work and I understand your frustration at being an outlier in this way.
You can’t control them feeling offended. You are behaving strangely to them and they’re struggling to make sense of you. The most reasonable explanation to them is that you dislike them, which they’ll construe as rude.
If you are direct with them, they might at least be able to make sense of you. “When I’m at work, I only want to work, then get out of here as soon as I can. That’s why I don’t socialize here. It’s nothing personal.”
Either they believe you or they don’t. You can’t make them believe you.
One last thing: just like you wish they’d stop making wrong assumptions about your motivations, you might consider challenging the assumptions you’re making about them.
Good luck.
I loathe the office for this reason. I worked with a lady that used big airport style ear protection over her airpods and if you asked her anything she would say “im so sorry im booked until x time can you email me?”
Be boring rather than arrogant. If they ask what you did this weekend or what you’re doing later just say nothing really or watching TV and relaxing. Few words answers, when the conversation isn’t flowing naturally they will just think you’re boring and leave you alone.
Obviously this might not work for everyone but it’s worked for me everytime.
Also whenever they share things about themselves never ask follow up questions. Okay. That sounds fun. Sounds kinda rude. But if you do it all the time they’ll just think you don’t know how to socialize
That’s what I do all the time, and not on purpose. I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I love work from home. Sorry, I’m once again absolutely useless.
Are you me?
I’ve had success depending on the role. There are also factors like turn over and what it takes to give the appearance of “belonging” in your organisation and role. For best results play the long game, at the beginning, muster up as much as you can to engage in the minimum, ie, who are u, how many kids… as soon as you’re personable, disengage. Still answer the questions you’re asked, but ask none. Don’t get tempted into follow up questions, that is mixed signals and you’re not a slut. From there transition into dead eyes with them in non work related situations immediately.
Pretty soon there’s a healthy distance between you and the coworkers that bring you down
Ymmv - seriously lol
There is nothing wrong with people being social at work. Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships. And introverts need to understand that relationships matter. I say this as an introvert.
Don’t just be a robot at work. Recognize the need for good working relationships and that some level of personal interaction, and even friendship is OK at work. Today they need help, tomorrow you will need help.
To your point, I am very bad at that and work from home has really improved my productivity. See if you can wfh more. Also, sometimes you need to politely explain that you have to get something done to meet a deadline or meet priorities or whatever your situation is.
Also those bonds cary over to the professional career.
The very same coworker could be the ticket into a new company with greener pasture as a reference.your post contradicts itself: first you lecture me about being social, like you’re a natural and then you write you’re bad at it and you wfh? I don’t understand it.
Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships.
why is the workplace the only place you can get to meet people?
And introverts need to understand that relationships matter.
Sure, the ones you want, not the ones imposed on you
Are you sure you really have a problem with people wanting to talk to you too much? Tbh, you don’t sound like (just) an introvert, you sound like kind of a misanthrope and I can’t imagine your coworkers are clamoring for the total lack of charm you’re showing in this thread.
I’m an introvert who’s great at socializing, and yes, even the relationships you may not seek out can be important at work. If everyone thinks of you as quiet but nice, you’re a lot more likely to get promotions, raises, good references, etc, vs if everyone thinks you’re rude or closed off. You can straight up tell people you’re introverted and they’ll generally be cool with it, but think of the time you do spend chatting as an investment in your career.
I’m an introvert who’s great at socializing
how does that work? To me an introvert is a quiet person who keeps to herself and wants to be left alone. Because this person doesn’t bother anyone else she expects others to leave her alone as well, kinda I leave you alone, I don’t bother you, why must you bother me? If I need something from you, I’ll let you know.
Neither do I understand why some of my coworkers want to talk to me when I’m very visibly in the middle of something. My last 2 interactions with them were ‘I can talk to you when I’m done with this’, but what a total lack of awareness.
I don’t know if I’m a misanthrope
Being an introvert who’s great at socializing means you don’t have problems socializing but it drains your energy.
Strong assumptions can sometimes get in the way of understanding.
For instance you say “I’m in the middle of work, why would they interrupt me”.
There seems to be a strong assumption that the other person believes as you do that getting work done is the most important thing at work.
In my experience though, forming relationships for future connections and ensuring work is tolerable to enjoyable is more important to most than getting work done.
Wow. You really have a chip on your shoulder, my friend. If that was a lecture then you are going to have a hard time in life. I would call that gentle advice.
Did I say the workplace is the only place you can go to meet people? Obviously I did not. You put words in my mouth, inappropriately. But in your original post you seem to say that you don’t want any sort of personal relationship at work. My point is that that is bad for your work/career/life.
Work imposes some level of relationships on you. Right? My point is that interpersonal relationships at work matter to your work/career/life.
I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling. It might help you to recognize unhealthy vs. healthy thought patterns.
Best wishes, my friend.
wow. You are really thin skinned, friend. I wasn’t lecturing you, that was advice, gentle.
you write something and in the next post you deny even writing it. Kindly stop doing that.
I think you could benefit greatly from some counseling. It might help you to recognize unhealthy vs. healthy thought patterns.
right back at you
good luck, friend
wow. You are really thin skinned, friend. I wasn’t lecturing you, that was advice, gentle.
That was pure mockery of the style of the person you’re answering to.
Did you really want advice? Are you willing to accept it even if it contradicts some deeply ingrained notions you may have? Are you willing to compromise somewhat?
Did you really want advice?
sure, advice regarding the title of the post.
If some people choose to assume and put words in my mouth, I can return the favor.
Based on your attitude, you shouldn’t have any issues for long with people taking up your time
The comment doesn’t contradict itself. It explains the importance of relationships with coworkers, and then establishes common ground with you as a fellow introvert who works from home. They never claimed to be chatting it up in the office.
My advice to answer your question is to keep up this exact attitude, though.
Don’t make me tap the sign 👇
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Removed by mod
An “I’m good thanks but I got to get back to this” is usually good enough for most people.
In terms of managers that aren’t happy with a “not now”, my suggestion is check in with them at the beginning or end of day, show what you’re planning for the day at the job and shoot the shit if that’s their thing. The trick is let them talk your ears off for up to like 5 minutes before you start focusing on your work, and if they ask questions about your weekend etc. go with “it was relaxing” and give general, vague answers. Respond to their ramblings with “wow, how did that go?” and stuff to have them go on. That should generally satiate their need to conversate with you for the day.
You have your needs to largely be left alone, they have their needs to be social, there is a way you each can get your fill. The rest of the day you can say you are busy and don’t have time for chat. Also, earbuds with music if you’re allowed that at your workplace to drown out most distractions.
Depends on what you don’t want to give out, an example such as you don’t want to divulge your marital status at all vs. you just don’t want to say what you do in your married life, will have the answer vary. But make it about them more and for the most part you’ll be fine.
Not giving much of your information will inevitably give you a bit of mysterious personality to people, but that’s inevitable unless you either share your personal life or straight up tell lies about who you are.
Not giving much of your information will give you a bit of mysterious personality to people
is that good or bad?
The key to good conversation is finding something interesting in what they say and delving into it. Why did they go there? What did they like about it? Where are they going next?
The key to boring conversation is the opposite, short answers with no room to navigate. Oh, I guess. Thats nice. Not much really.
I work in a small team, so fortunately, the number of extraverted people is quite low. I find, if I give the people that absolutely crave attention however much they want early in the day, that quiets them down considerably during the rest of the day. They’ll have flare-ups every now and then, and lunchtime is unavoidable, unfortunately, but with practice, I’ve become able to wear them out before they wear me out, if that makes sense. Good luck and peace be with you.
Based on your responses here, you fucking suck, so I’m surprised your coworkers bother giving you the time of day. Keep being you, and the “problem” of people trying to befriend and socialize with you will do in it’s own.
This isn’t going to help you now, but get a job where you’re the only US employee and everyone else’s EOD is 11am.
Damn OP, I felt that in my bones. You basically described what my life was like when I worked in finance.
What pissed me off the most was that it’s apparently not good enough for extroverts if you just keep to yourself and do your work quietly; they have to seek you out and disturb you just to get the attention that they think you owe them.
