I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.
Oh my god you’re right, let me just flip this switch here. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.
I know you’re being extremely sarcastic. But identifying you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Knowing you are away that you don’t like being, is great, now you can form a plan on improving it.
Let’s take the easy example, if you know you’re a very negative person always putting people down. You can deliberately try to find something nice to say everyday. Maybe not a lot, maybe it won’t change the trend, but being more mindful and having an objective is a way to improve. So yes flip the switch. The switch will be very rusty, it’ll require a lot of elbow grease, and you’re probably going to have to wiggle it a bunch. But flip the switch, because you want to flip the switch.
If you just decide, I’m an asshole and there’s nothing I can do about it, then you’re just going to be an asshole. But if you’re trying to be a reformed asshole, you’re an asshole with a heart of gold
Respectfully, I am very confident you are misreading this situation. The thought patterns displayed in the original post are almost textbook typical of major depression and would be extremely atypical of someone who is a genuine emotional manipulator.
Other posts here have given genuine good advice, unfortunately I have to agree that while I am sure you are well meaning, you are being quite unhelpful here.