I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.
Respectfully, I am very confident you are misreading this situation. The thought patterns displayed in the original post are almost textbook typical of major depression and would be extremely atypical of someone who is a genuine emotional manipulator.
Other posts here have given genuine good advice, unfortunately I have to agree that while I am sure you are well meaning, you are being quite unhelpful here.