What qualities do you covet?
I wish I could dance. I have rhythm, just not with my body.
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I wish I was a dog for real.
Imagine being a rich white woman’s house cat. Best life in the solar system.
Honestly, I’m not even a furry but it has to be exhilarating to be a big wolf or cat.
To not procrastinate.
I’ll comment on this later.
If it was me (which it was), I’d set a reminder and then every time I got a notification, I’d push it off until later. Also, I’d hate my(past)self for making the commitment to have to deal with the notifications.
Ugh, notifications to do something are the worst! My notification to pay my credit card comes up and I’m like, just leave me alone already! I’ll do it tomorrow!
Be able to draw fast. I’m hilariously slow at drawing 😂
Stay out of the wild West
That I was as socially confident as other people seem to be, I don’t care if it’s all a facade, I want to be able to use the facade.
Like with most skills, one becomes confident with practice.
I’m a natural introvert and an only child and therefore has little practice of taking to others. I had no idea of how important small talk is. I learned by working in a bar, where social interaction can’t really be dodged and found out that social interaction isn’t that daunting as it seemed to me.
It still not my biggest hobby yet I’m not longer afraid of social interaction like I used to be.
What helps me is knowing that everyone is fucking awkward.
I’ve met thousands upon thousands of people and I have never met anyone who is not socially awkward, just a lot of people who are socially skilled in different ways.
The people who don’t come across as awkward are the people who acknowledge their awkwardness and own it, who give themselves an opportunity to fumble with their awkwardness and to get used to it the same way you do with any other difficult thing like math or reading or studying or dance or games.
I said all of that to say, not being awkward is not a talent, it is a skill, and you can learn it.
Fitness/athleticism.
This for sure! I didn’t appreciate my knees enough when they worked better.
Wish I wasn’t depressed and anxious so I could do what normal people seem to do normally every they meanwhile it takes me a week if I have better episode.
I sometimes wish I could be social without feeling mentally and physically drained.
Same, its always seems to take a toll no matter how well it goes or how much I like the others
I wish I would be less of an hypocrite.
What makes you a hypocrite?
I do the things I despise others for doing.
Like?
Cutting people of while driving.
Why do you think that happens?
“Rules for Thee but not for Me”
There’s a cognitive or logical error that this describes. Something about others are judged by actions and outcomes, we judge ourselves by heavily-rationalized intention
Do you think its possible to try evaluating people more on their intentions and demonstrated efforts rather than whatever outcome that comes of it if it seems reasonable they are genuine in their dealings with you?
I feel like when people are given and palpably experience genuine grace and having their dignity upheld, they are usualy more inclined to reciprocate as well pay it forward
I really struggle to answer this even though I have this constant feeling of something being wrong. I’ve been quite lucky with genetics and the things I’ve wanted to change that can be changed I pretty much already have.
I guess there are two things I’d like to even further improve on:
- I’d like to care less. I like myself the least when I get emotionally captured. I’d like to just be able to let it go and be teflon where nothing sticks.
- I’d like to naturally want to read more.
Reading can feel like such a chore, even if you enjoy it.
I have trouble getting started. I’m not sure why I feel as though I should only read a book at a time, and that I should finish every book I start.
So I am trying to treat reading more like how I watch TV. I can start and stop, maybe skip a slow episode (chapter, page). I read more than one book at a time. I just swap between books as my interest changes.
Also, audiobooks have been a really great way for me to read more. I listen on walks, while driving, doing odd jobs, or just while playing some mindless game that keeps my eyes and hands occupied while I listen.
It’s just so much more fulfilling than listening to music. I find nothing is quite comparable to the way books capture a moment. Theres just so much perspective and wisdom even in fiction books, they can make other media seem somewhat shallow in comparison sometimes.
If you get/have a library card, see if they support overdrive/libby. I periodically replace my social media apps on my homescreen with a book reading app. When muscle memory decides its time to doom scroll, I end up reading a few pages of a book on my phone instead.
About caring less, I cant claim to have figured it out, but read stoic philosophy seems to help put me on the right track. My understanding is its the basis for a lot of modern psychotherapy, and it seems to make a lot of sense to me.
Do you listen to podcasts too or just audiobooks? In my case, I already listen to a lot of podcast, and I feel like when I’d have a chance to listen to audiobook, I’d just rather put on a podcast. Though perhaps some non-fiction, especially if read by the author.
Athleticism and the ability to be sufficiently social.
Wish I could negotiate and haggle, I just don’t want to, it doesn’t feel good to me. I’d rather accept or refuse the offer and move on.
Do you tend to struggle with people pleasing as well or is it limited to negotiation?
It’s more to do with honesty. If the seller says it’s worth this much and that’s what they need to charge to cover their costs, then I would like to think that’s true because if it isn’t, they’re lying.
I think this might be where it comes from for me, too. If you say it’s with x, and I think it’s worth z, I don’t want to insult you or assume you’re trying to scam me by asking for x, but I also don’t want to pay much more than z.
The concept of some mystical “y” living in the middle is lost to me and it’s socially impossible to reach “y” without me calling you a scammer or you calling me cheap, so no deal will be made today.
Limited to negotiation.
Patience.
Everywhere I go people meander like zombies whether it’s walking, driving, shopping, etc. I can’t figure out why people are soooooo slow, do they have nothing to accomplish? It constantly puts me off, but it’s probably because I moved to a big city in the west (US) coast.
I wish I were less anxious/self-conscious. It’s weird because outwardly almost no one knows that I am. I’m charismatic and easy to talk to, a natural leader in the workplace (I’ve managed now at every job I’ve held) and I’m a loving and supportive father. But deep down I’m still self-conscious as hell. I experience a lot of spotlight syndrome and I feel like I dress frumpy, walk weird, etc. I have a lot of social anxiety and think every situation/confrontation is going to be a worst-case scenario. Had to take 5 weeks off of work for a stress fracture and allowed myself to believe leading up to it that my (typically supportive) boss was going to be angry or petty or challenge me over it. He was extremely supportive and told me to just take the time off and not to worry about putting out the fires at work.
I don’t know how I conditioned myself to be like this. Probably a side-effecting of growing up fat and all the self-hate that came with it. I got rid of the fat a lot time ago, but I don’t think that shit ever really left me. Fortunately my daughter does not share my lack of confidence. That kid is miles ahead of her peers and I’m so proud of her.
