Having to pay attention to the “news”.
Fellow billionaire media magnate here: you’re doing it wrong. You make the news what you want it to be! Isn’t that why we do this, at all!?
Hello fellow billionaire friend of the worker and free speech!
But if I don’t read “the news”, how will I know what to order my “journalists” to bury?
Dealing with 6 different media companies is exhausting. You have no idea. When they finally merge my staff will only need to pay one of them. More time for everyone to play golf. Win-win.
Just install puppets to run each network. You get the money and reputation cleaning, they do the work of making other people do the work. And they take the blame if anything goes wrong, so I still come off looking ok.
And by having “multiple” companies, I can control them all better. If the figurehead of one does anything I disagree with I can use another media brand to launder the kompromat I have on said figurehead. They can never be seen in public again and I come of smelling like roses.
No need for puppets! Let AI do the work. Fake news for free!
So far AI can’t be canceled though. You need cancelable minions to act as a pressure valve - letting the poors rage about your evil without any of the rage coming your direction.
No one dares cancel Al. He is too impossible. Too un-cancelable. Too Weird.
sOMETIMES WINNING ALL THE TIME BORES ME.
Bro. I don’t buy it. Even capslock is kicking your ass.
i AM THE BEST! i KNOW these pEOPLE. TERRIFIC! uP IN EVERY POLL!!!
The only capitalization a billionaire has time for is the capitalization of your time and labor to increase their portfolio.
That’s not capslock - an executive assistant artisanally capitalized each of those letters individually.
And it costs the taxpayers 30 grand for every line of text
Do you know how hard it is to transition the FB users to new federated systems in order to extend/embrace/extinguish them?
A word of warning: if you extinguish your users before AI is ready to consume advertising, you ruin your financial portfolio. Stick with the extending part for now, and also keep the embracing consensual or you can get into trouble these days.
Paying them. You have no idea how entitled some of these “news casters” are! They’re just wannabe actors that demand higher salaries because “I’m the face of your network!” Just shut up and talk, make me money!
They don’t make them money, actually quite the opposite. They need them to be the tool throught which they can avoid actual changes that would reduce their money, and thus, in a political system in which you can buy cough I mean “lobby” cough politicians, their power.
My boss said, “I don’t fucking care. Where’s my scotch?”
I have many billions. Some would say the most billions. The billions I have are the best billions, everyone agrees.
Even though I have the best billions, these journalists, nasty people, they attack me. Just because of my billions, can you believe it?
So anyway, I say who cares what they say, we just need to fight like hell and take back our country ✊
And listen to music, I hear.
7/10, that was too coherent
It’s not quite effective enough. So far we’ve only been able to really rile up and direct about 30% of the country.
The proles are so fucking annoying sometimes.
All of my media companies just say what i want on their own, the fact that i own them is on the back of their minds and makes them self-censor without me needing to say anything. I just hire a manager that i know agrees with my opinions, he then proceeds to hire journalists that agree with our opinions, and they proceed to do what looks like propaganda without anyone needing to be told to do it.
I don’t tell my media companies what to report because there’s no need to, and if i did then there would be a paper trail.
Billionaire here.
The real problem is the same problem every rich person has: once you surround yourself with yes-men, you lose contact with reality.
Now that I control the zeitgeist through media messaging, I have no idea what’s going on.
I try to stay out of my own fart cloud with psychedelic drugs, but really there’s no substitute for real struggle in terms of ennobling one’s soul.
Just compare the beauty of a tiger to the awkward lines of a pug. As an extremely rich person, the only thing I have to fight are my own demons, and nobody can relate to those.
Yes, you are definitely a billionaire
I’ve always found the term “trust fund” to be rather ironic
For only 12.99M per month I will come and fight your demons for you. Like all good therapists, my ways are mysterious and oblique, but mostly involve a super-soaker.
You must live on site and use only holy water supplied by my man at Evian. Deal?
I require a small cottage at the end of the garden, and if you are to supply the holy water you will need to take appropriate care as to its transport in deion-shielded single-use containers.
Billionaires of Lemmy, LOL.
Hey, speak for yourself ;-p
Sorry, you’re right, I’m barking up the wrong tree. Multi-billionaires of lemmy…
Ty Warner (creator of Beanie Babies) demonstrates excellent billionaire conduct by intentionally staying off of social media, according to a bio on the You’re Wrong About podcast. This isn’t to say he’s a jerk that shamelessly stole the ideas of other people. He did a whole bunch of that. It’s just once he got his riches, he shut up and ran his company.
As Elon Musk was considering buying Twitter, a lot of tech wonks examined the situation and came to the same conclusion: to retain his company value, Musk needed to let Twitter do its thing without changing its policy and if possible without commenting from his account. It was already doing the best it could.
Musk didn’t and now X / Twitter is worth very much less.
Its never been about regular fundamentals with Twitter for Musk, its been bought by the Saudis and other autocratic places together as a cudgel to be used against human rights and modern liberal and free societies for weaponization by the rich
Staying off of social media is actually the default for billionaires, they tend to stay out of the limelight. We just happen to have a few that like the attention.
Just too busy spending all this cash. You need to speak up son I can’t hear you over your mom.
As one of the captured media sources, I can say the only drawback is meeting our many, sometimes unreasonable demands! Billionaires bring much needed money into the industry, to help better direct our finite resources into investigating stories that really matter to the world, and help us keep our focus in a world of distracting content.
Can’t tell if this post is satire at the highest level or someone actually trying to defend billionaires.
This was, at best, medium-grade satire.
What it lacks in punch it makes up for in absurdity.
