Scale:

  1. I’m offended by bare Amish ankles and sock models

  1. my kinks often get me banned from communities online and in real life

You’re only 1 number, not a range. Commit and sell it. Bonus points for rounding up. Come-on, win the internet, I dare you! You know this means the secret kinks you never share or told anyone.

This is not serious and intended just for Moanday fun. I’m more interested in your flavor of self awareness.

  • FairycorePhoebe@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    3 months ago

    Most definitely a 10. Most people would find at least one thing that I like to be morally objectionable. I’m extremely into BDSM, and submissive to a fault. Like, I think that submission is better than sex. If there’s a bad thing that can happen to someone, I’ve probably fantasized about it happening to me. Anything from public humiliation to erotic torture. I also enjoy basically every kind of taboo erotic roleplay. Ageplay, petplay, CNC, you name it. As long as I get to feel submissive and lose control that’s all that matters. I’m also aroused by the thought of virtually any human bodily fluid in the right context, although I leave scat, blood, and vomit to fantasy.

    In practice though, I’m not nearly as extreme as my fantasies. The kinkiest things I do with any regularity is light bondage, impact play, body worship, and verbal roleplay. My absolute favorite thing though, is humiliation. I remember having humiliation fantasies as young as 5 years old. Most of my kinky desires have some basis in an urge to feel humiliated. I’ve developed certain kinks solely because I found it particularly embarrassing to have them. Even typing this out this comment with the idea that people will read it and judge me is exciting.

      • shastaxc@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Maybe a 10 if they also regularly do all that at sex parties and masturbate in the bathroom at work

  • infinitevalence@discuss.online
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    3 months ago

    I reject the premise. Sexuality at its core is not, and in in my opinion cannot be perverted. Kinks may have social implications and be less preferred, but outside of overtly illegal acts and non-consensual harm suggesting something is perverted only acts to shame people for natural desires.

    • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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      3 months ago

      Identifying ones comfort zone is healthy for self awareness. Everyone has a comfort zone. The legality and external judgements of others are irrelevant to the question. The scale given does ground the question to cultural norms in an attempt to build a more translatable reference, but externalization is not the intended spirit of the question, nor is this some request to share one’s kinks or reasoning. It is really a question of how one views their self awareness internally. In a way, this is a more accurate measure of an individual’s conservatism internally.

      In abstract, everyone has an answer to this question. This is not intended to offend, or in any way judge anyone. Feel free to object or abstain, but I did not ask the question to judge you or guilt you in any way; quite the opposite really.

      • Noxy@yiffit.net
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        3 months ago

        The legality and external judgements of others are irrelevant to the question.

        The concept of perversion is entirely based on the legality and external judgments of others, though. Even in your own example where 10 is being banned from communities as a result.

        • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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          3 months ago

          Being banned from communities doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m basically banned from my entire social network I had growing up because of atheism. Grounding one’s perspective loosely against the stereotypes of others is just a transferable form of measure. The way you perceive the prerogative of others is none of my business or relevant to the level of abstraction of this question. You’re grounding the context too much in meaning that is not a required aspect of the question.

  • Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    Maybe a 3+.

    While I’m completely satisfied by vanilla sex with my partner every time, I’m not locked into my personal interests or against the wider spectrum. 3 is where I want it, anything else is just extra credit.

  • Bear@lemmynsfw.com
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    3 months ago

    5 perfectly balanced and happy to explore any reasonable deviancy within the safety and privacy of a healthy and lawful relationship.

  • otp@sh.itjust.works
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    3 months ago

    The maximum score is being banned from online communities? Some people get arrested and locked up for years for their perversions.

  • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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    3 months ago

    I’d say I’m a 7. My functional abstractionism extends into everything. Kindness, empathy, and the Hippocratic aphorism “do no harm” ultimately rule me, but cultural norms or conventions do not.

  • RBWellsV23@lemmynsfw.com
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    3 months ago
    1. I’ve done and enjoyed stuff I think most people haven’t, and a slap is still faster than a kiss and none of my fantasies are about plain sex, but I enjoy plain sex every day, and counting down I think that:

    10 is people who want something that will kill them or someone else.

    9 is people who want something that would land them in jail, or literal fetishists who get off on something that doesn’t include what most of us think of as sex, and only that.

    8 is people who need something other than plain sex or can enjoy things that most of us find too gross

    7 is people who identify mostly as their kink but can enjoy sex without it

    Which would leave me at 6. I think way more people are in the 1-5 group than the 6-10 group, it’s not an even distribution. If you are asking where I’d land in the general population of women, that would probably be a different answer.

    • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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      3 months ago

      I see a spectrum of minds; not the toys, genders, or fixations. I also see a nearly inescapable addiction that must be managed by everyone. When I ask myself “why this or that kink,” it is the spectrum of motivations and mind of the underlying individual that really determines where the person lies in some sense of extremities of measure against other humans. I find people’s sense of self awareness in this space as interesting; their self perception at something that is ultimately nothing more than health and addiction management in the human condition.

      I rate myself a 7 because I know there are limits to my self awareness like blind spots in complex ways along with most of the areas where I must be careful. Like my size and strength do not always match the person I am inside. I can both intimidate and cause harm if I am not careful. Someone that asks to go hard might get a bit more than they bargained for. It’s not really my thing, but exploring the full scope of their thing is, and therein lies the potential problem.

      In my opinion, far more people are 7-10 even when they are ultra conservative and vanilla in their exploration of sexuality. The evidence is in those that have records of harm, and had unexpected encounters that lead to a series of very poor decisions. To me, these are the most dangerous individuals with the most extreme perversions. Those that know themselves and enjoy a thrill, are completely normal, harmless, and of absolutely no concern to me. This does not mean that I directly correlate a scale of perversion with a general potential for harm. I view the the individual’s self awareness and intent as the critical dimensions. Only they can truly know these aspects of themselves. I can infer much, but it takes time. So for the most part I simply lack the relevant data to make judgements about anyone. People with self proclaimed extreme interests, are like athletes in extreme sports. I see the real extremes as those that lack self awareness or those that have never matured to a point of developing their own internal sense of ethics outside of social constructs like religion. These are like obese people that are unhealthy and the real potential danger.

      • RBWellsV23@lemmynsfw.com
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        3 months ago

        So you would put more people as kinky because you think most are repressing very dark shit? Maybe, but seems like most people I know kind of don’t care that much about sex, if that makes sense. If it’s more like violence that just sometimes finds a sexual outlet, is that even kinky?

        The 1-5 I’d put as:

        1 is asexual, do not even feel desire at all.

        2 the demisexual who can kinda enjoy it if you do but really are just doing it for someone else they wouldn’t bother for themselves.

        3 the people who have to be in love to feel sexual desire, they can be ‘unlocked’, basically, it’s just part of love to them. May actually do more variety of stuff but only for someone else, really do not feel independent sexual desire but love and sex entwined.

        4 I think of as the normal people who can enjoy sex as an activity, outside of a relationship just for physical pleasure but it doesn’t pull at them so hard, and they don’t want unusual stuff just sex. Probably don’t seek out sex specifically, but dates,

        5 the normal people who are more adventurous, and who get frustrated sooner, have a more active sex drive and will seek out sex partners, will go outside their comfort zone if a partner suggests it. Sexually active normal people I don’t think of as kinky.

        I just think probably a very large chunk of people just don’t prioritize sex or need anything very specific.

        • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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          3 months ago

          So you would put more people as kinky because you think most are repressing very dark shit? Maybe, but seems like most people I know kind of don’t care that much about sex, if that makes sense. If it’s more like violence that just sometimes finds a sexual outlet, is that even kinky?

          Everyone has the same basic hormonal needs as humans. Every human must balance these needs on some level. This is the lowest foundational level of everything I see and understand about sexuality. All forms of sexual expression are roads on a map that lead back to here. Therefore, everyone is traveling on this road map. Some people may be on Obvious Kinky Street or Furry Lane, but everyone is on one of these paths, even if it is on some super secret side street out of view, and one they walk in circles on for their entire lives. The amount of travel and exploration vary greatly, but it is all within the spectrum of the roads and connections on this map. Dark shit happens because of mental health issues, but also because we heavily stigmatize many connections present on this map or straight up deny that some roads exist. Basically, kinks are one manifestation of sexual intelligence and self awareness.

          I think most people are kinky because the roads are connections and are fundamentally present. They are on the map even when they do not know about it or acknowledge it. It is very easy for such persons to get unexpectedly lost in places they are not familiar. They tend to travel the wrong way on one way streets or step into some innocent person on their own path. Some asshats plow through an intersection in a school zone with a kid in the crosswalk.

          As an example, if a person really likes dominance for arousal, they should be playing in BDSM with like minded consenting participants, not encountering someone on a lonely street at night and taking advantage of an opportunity.

          I view the fundamental factor in common as a dominance kink and the person that openly acknowledges and explores this kink as sexually intelligent. However the fundamental kink of power dynamics is a core part of some functional thought and a type of person. The extent of the trait varies, but it is a part of all people with this type of functional thought. The spectrum of my “7-10” is a measure of self awareness and the intention is largely their degree of proclivity. If the person is suppressing a large proclivity and finds themselves getting lost on the wrong road, I view them as extreme in their kinks even if they appear asexual on the surface to others. They lack self awareness and familiarity with the map and are like a wrecking ball in a China shop. In a prudish society, there are a lot of these wrecking balls that are bottled and suppressed; far more than those with psychosis as active predators.

          • RBWellsV23@lemmynsfw.com
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            3 months ago

            Oh, so more like you are asking how actualized are your kinks? I think that is a good question. I spent a stupid long time waiting for my sexuality to evolve and turn into what I considered the ‘real’ adult woman sexuality, which involved getting off on taking charge. Like, even though my very earliest sexual fantasies were about being forced (not even sexually, necessarily) and never about anything except that power play stuff, I really truly thought I ought not want it, that it was some sort of unfinished or lazy thing. One day had a revelation that if any of my friends had some kink I’d be so accepting of them, never ever would I think they needed to change, so tried to give myself the same consideration, and am much more in alignment now. So in the scale of acceptance, maybe 8 or so. But I do not agree that everyone ‘vanilla’ is repressing hidden depths of perversity. I think many, probably most people really aren’t. Even those with a healthy sex drive. And no way does everyone have the same levels of general need, it took me 40 years to find a guy who runs as hot as me, get it every day now for about 15 years :)

  • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    3 months ago

    10 tbh. No pedophile shit but some things that would probably make some friends break ties with me. My close friends would understand but the ones who I’ve drifted away from over time who are more towards the conservative side of things (NOT conservatives though) would probably just peace out. More public facing, probably a 7 or 8? Let’s go with 8. Into BDSM and a big sub, watersports, impact play, bondage, etc. Petplay, kind of, I’d love to be someone’s pet but animal roleplay isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I’m a huge anal enjoyer and a size queen but I’ve only toyed, never been fucked. Some friends are comfortable with it and I can talk about it casually with them, others aren’t so I don’t bring it up around them. So yeah, in terms of the bell curve, I’m waaaaaay off to the right in sexual weirdness. Took me a long time to get comfortable with it to the extent I can talk about it like this, and now I’m a chronic oversharer. If you want to know about the 10, you can dm me, it’s just not something I want available to anyone scrolling through my post history.

    • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      I feel like I’m on par with pixeltree.

      Also not comfortable with sharing ALL the details, but aside from pain, which brings me no joy, there isn’t much I wouldn’t at least try once.

        • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          3 months ago

          Scat, eh, not my thing but I don’t find it repulsive. Not being grossed out by shit makes enemas more convenient. Watersports, sure, I’ve had a dom use me as a urinal, pretty hot. Rape? Sure, on the receiving end. Mostly in the vein of CNC with bdsm.

      • j4k3@lemmy.worldOP
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        3 months ago

        If I wasn’t partially disabled and so easily injured, pain would probably do it for me too… Probably most hardcore cyclists as well, at least racers. That is pure pain for amusement type stuff. It is hard to communicate pain effectively to another person. It would likely be amusing to show what I’m really capable of with another person. I break bones and still ride dozens of miles home bleeding the whole way, but that only says so much.

        • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          3 months ago

          Yeah, I’m not a huge pain person either. I don’t enjoy the pain, I enjoy the submission, if that makes sense. The dom I occasionally see will alternate between spanking me and gently stroking my body, building the anticipation and juxtaposing the pain, and will fake on spanks–it’s truly something I never thought I’d love so much.