Scale:
- I’m offended by bare Amish ankles and sock models
…
- my kinks often get me banned from communities online and in real life
You’re only 1 number, not a range. Commit and sell it. Bonus points for rounding up. Come-on, win the internet, I dare you! You know this means the secret kinks you never share or told anyone.
This is not serious and intended just for Moanday fun. I’m more interested in your flavor of self awareness.
I see a spectrum of minds; not the toys, genders, or fixations. I also see a nearly inescapable addiction that must be managed by everyone. When I ask myself “why this or that kink,” it is the spectrum of motivations and mind of the underlying individual that really determines where the person lies in some sense of extremities of measure against other humans. I find people’s sense of self awareness in this space as interesting; their self perception at something that is ultimately nothing more than health and addiction management in the human condition.
I rate myself a 7 because I know there are limits to my self awareness like blind spots in complex ways along with most of the areas where I must be careful. Like my size and strength do not always match the person I am inside. I can both intimidate and cause harm if I am not careful. Someone that asks to go hard might get a bit more than they bargained for. It’s not really my thing, but exploring the full scope of their thing is, and therein lies the potential problem.
In my opinion, far more people are 7-10 even when they are ultra conservative and vanilla in their exploration of sexuality. The evidence is in those that have records of harm, and had unexpected encounters that lead to a series of very poor decisions. To me, these are the most dangerous individuals with the most extreme perversions. Those that know themselves and enjoy a thrill, are completely normal, harmless, and of absolutely no concern to me. This does not mean that I directly correlate a scale of perversion with a general potential for harm. I view the the individual’s self awareness and intent as the critical dimensions. Only they can truly know these aspects of themselves. I can infer much, but it takes time. So for the most part I simply lack the relevant data to make judgements about anyone. People with self proclaimed extreme interests, are like athletes in extreme sports. I see the real extremes as those that lack self awareness or those that have never matured to a point of developing their own internal sense of ethics outside of social constructs like religion. These are like obese people that are unhealthy and the real potential danger.
So you would put more people as kinky because you think most are repressing very dark shit? Maybe, but seems like most people I know kind of don’t care that much about sex, if that makes sense. If it’s more like violence that just sometimes finds a sexual outlet, is that even kinky?
The 1-5 I’d put as:
1 is asexual, do not even feel desire at all.
2 the demisexual who can kinda enjoy it if you do but really are just doing it for someone else they wouldn’t bother for themselves.
3 the people who have to be in love to feel sexual desire, they can be ‘unlocked’, basically, it’s just part of love to them. May actually do more variety of stuff but only for someone else, really do not feel independent sexual desire but love and sex entwined.
4 I think of as the normal people who can enjoy sex as an activity, outside of a relationship just for physical pleasure but it doesn’t pull at them so hard, and they don’t want unusual stuff just sex. Probably don’t seek out sex specifically, but dates,
5 the normal people who are more adventurous, and who get frustrated sooner, have a more active sex drive and will seek out sex partners, will go outside their comfort zone if a partner suggests it. Sexually active normal people I don’t think of as kinky.
I just think probably a very large chunk of people just don’t prioritize sex or need anything very specific.
Everyone has the same basic hormonal needs as humans. Every human must balance these needs on some level. This is the lowest foundational level of everything I see and understand about sexuality. All forms of sexual expression are roads on a map that lead back to here. Therefore, everyone is traveling on this road map. Some people may be on Obvious Kinky Street or Furry Lane, but everyone is on one of these paths, even if it is on some super secret side street out of view, and one they walk in circles on for their entire lives. The amount of travel and exploration vary greatly, but it is all within the spectrum of the roads and connections on this map. Dark shit happens because of mental health issues, but also because we heavily stigmatize many connections present on this map or straight up deny that some roads exist. Basically, kinks are one manifestation of sexual intelligence and self awareness.
I think most people are kinky because the roads are connections and are fundamentally present. They are on the map even when they do not know about it or acknowledge it. It is very easy for such persons to get unexpectedly lost in places they are not familiar. They tend to travel the wrong way on one way streets or step into some innocent person on their own path. Some asshats plow through an intersection in a school zone with a kid in the crosswalk.
As an example, if a person really likes dominance for arousal, they should be playing in BDSM with like minded consenting participants, not encountering someone on a lonely street at night and taking advantage of an opportunity.
I view the fundamental factor in common as a dominance kink and the person that openly acknowledges and explores this kink as sexually intelligent. However the fundamental kink of power dynamics is a core part of some functional thought and a type of person. The extent of the trait varies, but it is a part of all people with this type of functional thought. The spectrum of my “7-10” is a measure of self awareness and the intention is largely their degree of proclivity. If the person is suppressing a large proclivity and finds themselves getting lost on the wrong road, I view them as extreme in their kinks even if they appear asexual on the surface to others. They lack self awareness and familiarity with the map and are like a wrecking ball in a China shop. In a prudish society, there are a lot of these wrecking balls that are bottled and suppressed; far more than those with psychosis as active predators.
Oh, so more like you are asking how actualized are your kinks? I think that is a good question. I spent a stupid long time waiting for my sexuality to evolve and turn into what I considered the ‘real’ adult woman sexuality, which involved getting off on taking charge. Like, even though my very earliest sexual fantasies were about being forced (not even sexually, necessarily) and never about anything except that power play stuff, I really truly thought I ought not want it, that it was some sort of unfinished or lazy thing. One day had a revelation that if any of my friends had some kink I’d be so accepting of them, never ever would I think they needed to change, so tried to give myself the same consideration, and am much more in alignment now. So in the scale of acceptance, maybe 8 or so. But I do not agree that everyone ‘vanilla’ is repressing hidden depths of perversity. I think many, probably most people really aren’t. Even those with a healthy sex drive. And no way does everyone have the same levels of general need, it took me 40 years to find a guy who runs as hot as me, get it every day now for about 15 years :)