Asked a girl out on a date. She invited me over to watch a movie with her at her parents house (we were in our late teens). I arrived; her recently deceased family dog and incredibly distressed mother were both in the kitchen. Dog was a really big golden retriever that had been euthanized, and the mom had bought him home? Not sure why? Maybe to hurt in the back yard or something? Idk

Anyway I offered to leave but she was insistent that we watch the movie together, which we did, on the couch, with her mom crying in the next room. Halfway through the movie the mom screams he’s still alive, he’s still alive. Go into the kitchen, she’d gone to move the body and it had expelled air and made some noise. I had to explain, with my best year 12 biology, what had happened. Five minutes of this woman losing her shit with grief out of her beloved companion dying.

Girl insisted we watch the last 10 minutes of the movie, it finishes with us watching in silence, I get up to leave and said something stupid like hey I’d love to do this again sometime and she says “I have a boyfriend”

I’m like alright well that’s that then and didn’t put in any more effort. Stupid me, she was hot and I really liked her. Being a dipshit I wrote a song about it, using the thee guitar chords I knew, which takes me to act ii…

…five years later, I’m at a party, exchanging worst first date stories with friends including a cute blonde. I wait my turn, tell the story, she laughs her arse off and then goads me into singing the song, accompanying myself poorly on the guitar. I absolutely fucking nail it, everyone is in stitches, sit down next to her and the night goes from there. We end up leaving r party for a walk down to the local beach, made out on the beach, things get frisky, jump in a cab back to my house, in bed together, have drunken sex…which results in a broken condom. She lives literally the other side of town so we have to wait till (a) I’m sober enough to drive and (b) pharmacy is open to get a plan b, then have the most awkward drive back to her house. Get there, offer to walk her to the door, she says no, kisses me goodbye in the car, then texts me…to say she has a boyfriend.

I had one where she obviously wasn’t actually interested and just came for the free food cause she was poor. I hung out for a bit, bought her an extra meal to go and then just left.

It was a date with the popular boy from school. I was either eight or seven while he was either seven or six, we were in a venue we chose to go to on our own without our parents. It was a whim decision because we just thought that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends did, we were barely monetarily prepared nor did we think to change out of our school uniform. Little me ruined the date by guiding its course too much and dictating when each step of the date took place before putting him in a position to pay. In hindsight I feel bad.

Went out with this girl I really liked but brought a friend too just to make it less one on one and more casual. I really liked her and thought it went well. When I drove my friend home, in conversation, he told me I could do better. It was such a stupid destructive thought. All three of us were into the arts. He was into videography, she was photography, and I was painting airbrushed graphics on motorcycles. I dated her for a little while again later and more seriously, but my life was more of a mess then and it didn’t work out. That was one of my biggest mistakes in life; not realizing my lack of emotional depth and letting other’s opinions hold sway or weight. I partition my emotions now. I’m not sure how I feel in the moment. My first reaction is likely worthless, so “I’ll have to get back to you later” - is my usual response. People who whine about how everyone is about to lose their job at work, or tell me how I should feel about others are like giant red flags telling me to avoid them as toxic. Really, in a way I do not lack emotional depth as much as that part of my inner voice speaks quietly and I need to take the time to listen to it carefully. That girl and life lesson are the same thing to me; an abstracted patch, forever holding that part of my personality. When that red flag flies in my head, she is the one waving it; holding me back; telling me to think it through.

“Sorry I’m so tired, I just got back from the abortion clinic…”

A first date was already not going well, and I said I needed to go. He decided that wasn’t happening. Ended up having to run away from him, literally, through a park area while wearing heels to reach my car. It was daytime and many people saw what was happening, but no one did a thing to help. But I’m sure if it hadn’t been daytime, he wouldn’t have “let me” get away after catching me. There were just too many eyes on him.

I wore comfortable shoes I can run in to all first dates after that.

Probably the first one I ever had.

Because my parents were there, too. 😩

It was going okay before dude started bragging about how he went out with a lady not too long before. He wasn’t all that into her and he said she clearly wasn’t into him, but he paid for dinner and guilted her into going home with him because he “might as well get something out of paying for her.” Giant red flag at this point. I went to the bathroom, when I came back the bill was on the table. He claimed that the server had brought it as one bill, rather than separate, and pointed out that she’d drawn a heart around the total in red pen. He refused to let me pay for my portion.

The thing is, it’s standard practice for servers to ask if the bill should be together or separate here, and I’d always been asked at that particular bar. Dude wasn’t a local and clearly didn’t know that. This guy told me about how he used “but I paid so now you owe me” to coerce a woman he knew wasn’t interested into having sex with him, and then immediately tried the same bullshit on me. He had deliberately asked for a single bill while I was away from the table. I’m reasonably certain he’s the one who drew the heart on the bill too.

Needless to say, it didn’t work. He still tried to drag me off to catch the train in his direction with him and got real upset when I told him to fuck himself and bolted. I’m very glad it was an early date so it was still light out. This guy did not take kindly to being told no.

She was an hour and a half late. I only waited for her because she was responding to my messages, apologized for her tardiness, and said a couple times she’d be there withing 20-30 minutes which led to a 90-minite wait). Once she got there, she told me that she was late because she was having some anxiety that day and went to a friend’s to smoke a bowl first. She chainsmoked on the patio, and I sat away from her because I don’t want to smell that while I’m eating. She told me about a terrible book she was writing, with the sort of stupid plot you’d get from r/writingprompts. And then she said she needed to get high again and asked me if I wanted to come to her car with her while she did. I declined and said I was gonna head home. Proceeded to promply never see her again.

I was living in a house with a few random housemates… people that I didn’t even meet until I had moved in. They were okay… nothing amazing, nothing too terrible. Somehow, the person I was on the date with realized that they used to know one of my housemates, and absolutely hated them, and wouldn’t stop talking about all of the reasons why my housemate was a terrible person.

Dude tried to rape me. Might be his worst date too because he left with multiple broken fingers and a broken nose. It could have been better for me / worse for him if the cops took it seriously, but the fact that I fought back and he wasn’t actually successful in raping me was enough for the cops to wave it away as a domestic dispute that self-resolved when I left.

Worst date ever: Dude was drunk when I arrived on time. Apparently he arrived at the pub 3 hours earlier to just sit and drink. Claimed to be people watching the whole time.

He was argumentative, obnoxious and creepy. Even bragged about people he was making uncomfortable in the bar.

He said he Didn’t have a license to drive… likely because he lost it from drunk driving.

Anyways I made up an excuse that I had to work early (he insisted to stay and keep drinking) and I left and blocked his contact as soon as I exited the pub.

On another date the guy I think was homeless and couldn’t afford to go on a date which is not the bad part. We went around town and just went up elevators to look over the city scape. If anything that was a positive for him in that he was being innovative with his situation. The bad part was he was deep into the Rooshv bullshit. he started talking about how clever he was, making sexist comments about men and women and how they should be and making lewd comments about my body.

As soon as we got to street level from the second building I said I had to go and tried to leave, he clamped a hand around my wrist to stop me but I used a bit of a self defence move to break free and wander into traffic to lose him.

He kept talking on the phone before the date about how short he was. I assured him it was ok. He really was very short in person but I’m not bothered by that kind of thing, but the way he kept talking about how he was shorter than me (and I’m short) through the whole date just made it so pointless and self centered. When he asked me out again I said I had met someone else and it was getting serious just to avoid going through that again. He didn’t attempt to get to know me at all, so what was the point?

Worst was this girl making an uncomfortable amount of eye contact the whole time. It was like she was trying to start her way into my soul. I’d make eye contact to talk but kept having to look away because she was just too intense. I would not be surprised if she was some sort of succubus or siren trying to drain my life force.

After about an hour she asks if I have autism… I went to the bathroom and called one of my friends to vent. When I returned she asked if there was going to be a second date… There was not.

First date with a girl: I open the car door for her when I pick her up. As she gets in, she hooks a hoop earing on the corner of the door and rips it out of her ear. The next 6 hours are getting her through ER to get stitched up.

Funny enough, I did get a second date and we hung out for about a year after that.