CW
Ever since I came out to my mom several years ago, she’s been supportive on and off, which I don’t really understand why she is just sometimes supportive.
When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love. She’s never purposely misgendered or deadnamed me though. Although for a while after I came out she was mourning me and acting like I had died and it was really weird and creepy to me at least, but about 2 years after that she told me that she finally sees me as her daughter.
When I had asked her if I could get puberty blockers or estrogen she told me no, which I had asked her that many times. So I decided to save up and finally this year at 20 I got HRT, but then she suddenly decided that she wanted to pay for it and that made me a bit upset because if she was going to pay for it then I could have gotten earlier, but I still appreciate that she is paying for it.
I had asked her if I could get voice training lessons a few years ago she was very adamant about me not doing them. Recently I have decided to do voice training on my own and the other night she complemented my voice and then tonight she told me that I actually sound like an alien and that my masc voice is perfect. We were good for a while and I thought she was done with being unsupportive occasionally but I guess not. I don’t really know what I’m feeling rn, I guess disappointment and maybe sadness idk.
This what my voice sounds like rn if you were curious: https://on.soundcloud.com/hsR5W
This link isn’t working in some of my lemmy clients for some reason. If it’s not working for you you might have to paste it into Firefox.
Is your mom bipolar?
When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love.
As someone with a diagnosis of bipolar, this isn’t how bipolar works. Even with rapid-cycling, which I have, it takes a couple of days for a mood shift to occur, not a couple of minutes. In my opinion, this is more likely to be a personality disorder (eg narcissism, borderline) than a mood disorder.
Not to drag you for it publicly, the voice is rough, but with only 2 weeks of practice of course it would be. I recall about 3 years into my transition (and 6 total years of practice in) my brother said hey you sound a lot better. And I was like, thanks? He went a super long time not commenting on it and then dropped that on me lol.
Anyway sorry you’re going through that. Parents all deal with this in uniquely shitty ways. Best you can do, IMO, is enforce boundaries:
I don’t want to be talked to this way. You’re being judgemental rather than supportive. When I asked for help before, you coldly rejected me. At this rate I will fully lose trust in you and stop listening to you entirely. This is the one and only warning. If you keep up your erratic and insulting behavior I will stop talking to you. (Last bit works better if you’re fully independent)
Yeah I figured it would be rough but to me it still sounds a lot better than my old voice. And that is good advice for how to talk to her, thank you for the feedback.
