The work bathroom is currently a warzone, on their phone speakers people like to play music, play games at full blast, and one guy likes to chill to ambient rainforest. What song can I play to passive aggressively make it known that I don’t want to listen to their tik tok feeds while I work out my demons?
This seems like a good time to get on my soap box.
Every bathroom should have a cheap white noise machine. I don’t need the detailed auditory experience of someone else’s bowels. This would also probably help with OPs problem.
No man, it’s a bonding experience. Loudly declare “LET 'M RIP” or "GOOD POOPIN’ " to your neigbouring stalls to wish them good luck. A small pinkytoe touch for an extra boost of courage for the road ahead.
Made me think of this:
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=hDF01C6E7wM
Frank Carter and the Rattlesnakes - I Hate You
I was expecting this “I Hate You” song
“Nobody likes me” by the northern boys
Here’s what you do. You hire local police to stand outside your stall. Then you connect your phones bluetooth up to the offices speakers that are EVERYWHERE. After you’ve done this, you start playing Goldbergs WCW theme. Then one of the guards bangs on the door, and you come out in your boxers.
Now hang on, because this is where it gets crazy. As you storm out of the stall, you rip other stall doors down while screaming like a beast. Then you storm out of the bathroom, and thats when the sparks and pyro is going off. Keep in mind, that goldberg theme is still playing over all those speakers in the ceiling. You’re breathing smoke. There’s explosions, and you’re just giving everyone the crazy eyes as you walk back to your cubicle. Then for no reason you punt the little deskside trash can CLEAR across the room with trash flying everywhere.
I mean…it’s going to cost about $600,000 to do this one time poop, and I imagine you maaaaaaaay have some difficulty securing local cops to come guard your bathroom stall because you want to make one kickass reason to get fired. I mean, you could always use mall security off duty, but it’s just not the same.
You’ll have an interesting story at your next interview though…
“So. How did you leave your last job?”
“Funny you should ask…”
you hire local police
What?
You can hire police for events. Ever go to a concert, or some festival, or county fair, and cops just walking around? Or even at Walgreens at 3am? Those cops don’t show up because they support the cause. They’re getting paid!
Well…at least in Ohio. I guess I don’t know if you can hire police in other states.
I live in Denmark and i dont believe that this is possible here. You need to inform the police about any festivals or large activities in the public but you can’t hire them. You need to hire security guards instead. Police will show up and make sure things are ok but you can’t pay them to do it.
At sport events police do just show up and cooperate with organizers to ensure public safety but they are not hired. You can’t just call them and say we need 10 officers for this event
1812 Overture
Just tell them? Nah… that would be too effective. Op specifically request a less effective communication mathod. Ignore me then.
Everyone knows that it’s forbidden to talk while on the toilet, except to announce the occupancy status of one’s stall, or to request emergency assistance.
It’s also forbidden to talk to anyone using the toilet, except to ask if they’re ok in there.
Speaking to someone who’s on the toilet while oneself is also on the toilet is DOUBLY forbidden. And no, the two infractions don’t cancel each other out.
Ponponpon 10hrs
You need to find the natural resonance frequency of the room, or stall, and make that noise. The whole room will be a huge subwoofer.
But all these tips aside, am I the only one to think that it’s shameful to be on my phone on the toilet with sound so that others hear? Especially in the workplace? What kind of workplace is this? Median/average age?
People are wild these days. My wife and sister have both, working in different industries and companies, come home and informed me they were freaked out and a bit repulsed to discover coworkers in the bathroom, audibly having a bowel movement of some sort, with an iPhone on the floor of the stall facetiming their partners. These were both work places that skewed younger, but people have just been going feral. My last job, I walked into the bathroom and heard what I assumed was the Smack, smack, smack of somebody jerking off, only to find out it was a guy near his 60s doing clap push-ups in front of the urinals.
What the actual fuck.
- Don’t be in the way of people trying to use the urinals.
- Don’t put personal items on the floor of a bathroom. The floor of a bathroom is particularly disgusting.
- Don’t put your HANDS on the floor of a bathroom. See (2)! FFS.
People are gross?!
One time I found someone’s phone here in one of the office bathrooms, on top of the paper towel dispenser. I actually took it out and placed it on a stool by the foyer where we hang our coats and stuff and took a picture of it there, and pretended like that’s where I found it so that the person wouldn’t be embarrassed by me posting on Slack that I found it in the bathroom. That’s how ashamed I am of this concept, that I don’t want others to feel that shame.
But these people you describe are acting like they’re still at home and nobody’s around, wtf.
Earth 2: Special Low Frequency Version
almost anything by Negativland
Kontakte by Karlheinz Stockhausen
almost anything by Einstürzende Neubauten
Anything by Infant Annihilator, it’s only a little nsfw
Gonna counter with Bloodbath - way more discernable vocals.
Dracula flow #5
Metal Machine Music. They’ll love it.
I once made myself sit and listen to that entire album, aware that it was generally regarded as horrible.
It was. But I also found myself kind of getting into it after a while.
That’s some strong will, I could never take more than 2 minutes of torture.
After MMM, waterboarding should be a doddle if it ever comes to that.
I could be friends with the rainforest guy. Seems like a chill dude, just wants to shit in peace.
+1 for CBAT
