The work bathroom is currently a warzone, on their phone speakers people like to play music, play games at full blast, and one guy likes to chill to ambient rainforest. What song can I play to passive aggressively make it known that I don’t want to listen to their tik tok feeds while I work out my demons?
Here’s what you do. You hire local police to stand outside your stall. Then you connect your phones bluetooth up to the offices speakers that are EVERYWHERE. After you’ve done this, you start playing Goldbergs WCW theme. Then one of the guards bangs on the door, and you come out in your boxers.
Now hang on, because this is where it gets crazy. As you storm out of the stall, you rip other stall doors down while screaming like a beast. Then you storm out of the bathroom, and thats when the sparks and pyro is going off. Keep in mind, that goldberg theme is still playing over all those speakers in the ceiling. You’re breathing smoke. There’s explosions, and you’re just giving everyone the crazy eyes as you walk back to your cubicle. Then for no reason you punt the little deskside trash can CLEAR across the room with trash flying everywhere.
I mean…it’s going to cost about $600,000 to do this one time poop, and I imagine you maaaaaaaay have some difficulty securing local cops to come guard your bathroom stall because you want to make one kickass reason to get fired. I mean, you could always use mall security off duty, but it’s just not the same.
You’ll have an interesting story at your next interview though…
What?
You can hire police for events. Ever go to a concert, or some festival, or county fair, and cops just walking around? Or even at Walgreens at 3am? Those cops don’t show up because they support the cause. They’re getting paid!
Well…at least in Ohio. I guess I don’t know if you can hire police in other states.
I live in Denmark and i dont believe that this is possible here. You need to inform the police about any festivals or large activities in the public but you can’t hire them. You need to hire security guards instead. Police will show up and make sure things are ok but you can’t pay them to do it.
At sport events police do just show up and cooperate with organizers to ensure public safety but they are not hired. You can’t just call them and say we need 10 officers for this event