Completely understand this. Have been here myself.
I personally struggled identifying with the trans label until I was on HRT for 3 months and realized that I couldn’t go back to how my brain worked without estrogen. And I fully support that medical transition is not necessary to be trans. So I know it’s not easy.
Trans doesn’t have to mean the “opposite” side of the binary.
I would suggest looking into resources breaking down the binary gender model, seeing if any experiences of folks in the myriad of non-binary identities resonates with you, and even considering if a label is all that important to you. To me, I don’t think should matter so much, and just use the term agender as the closest approximation.
There will be people that will try to gatekeep transness, but what matters is you’ve gone through the work of what you feel is your role in society vs what is the norm. You do that, and you will find plenty will accept it. Try things out, and if you learn that you’re cis, I think the experience of questioning gender will still make a huge positive change.
I haven’t made new pieces yet, but I’ve had similar thoughts. I started with mending and altering current pieces, both masc and femme clothes, to fit my body better. That’s helped with learning differences between their construction.
I’d been out of doing that for a while but meaning to get back into it, now that I’m done with moving stress and seem to be at my new baseline fat distribution post being on progesterone.
If I find any resources in returning to that, I’ll try to post. Would love to see what others have come across.
Specifically, I would love to make/find boy shorts style underwear with just enough room to fit myself comfortably without being too bulgy. (I prefer to not tuck)