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Cake day: August 14th, 2023

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  • This happened more than 15 years ago and is a pretty wild ride. I may have a few minor details askew, but this is the basic story.

    There was this police officer who was operating as a controller for another undercover police officer. A controller is the interface between the undercover guy and his team in the office. It allows the undercover guy to operate loose as a goose and the controller runs about behind the scenes making things happen.

    Well, one night the controller gets completely hammered, off his tits drunk, then picks up a hooker and takes her to a dodgy motel and has sex. Then he passes out. The hooker couldn’t wake him, so she takes his car keys and drives to where she was picked up from and abandons his undercover car with the keys still in the ignition.

    Back in the hotel, the controller wakes up to find the car gone - along with suitcase containing several thousand dollars that was sitting in the trunk. Every note in the stash, naturally, had the serial number recorded.

    The controller panicked and called a bunch of off-duty and on-duty friends who attempted to locate the car, and hopefully the drug-buy cash, before they had to officially report what happened.

    In the end, they couldn’t find the car, so the controller self-reported the whole sorry story. He was arrested and sacked, but didn’t do time. They eventually found the car, still with the keys in the ignition and the cash still sitting in the trunk, safe and sound. All his friends got into various amounts of trouble for assisting with the cover-up.

    Bonus points. While this wild escapade was happening the controller’s wife was sitting at home with a newborn baby.

    It is still talked about today - with reverence - as the single biggest display of mass stupidity in the department.