I’ve worked with many many people this decade that got paid more than me to do literally fuck all for the whole shift and got approved for overtime more frequently where they continued to be absolutely useless but they kissed the correct asses and sucked the right toes.
Well, yeah. Most people would much rather spend their time and energy taking care of their children than laboring away for someone else’s profit. They may not phrase it like that, but raising children is far more self-fulfilling than working a job could ever be for most people. I imagine in most cases, people prefer tons of hard work raising a child when compared to working the easy cozy job, because at the end of the day the job is just a means to an end.
Speaking as a working parent (married to another working parent), it’s worth pointing out that this dichotomy isn’t mutually exclusive:
raising children is far more self-fulfilling than working a job could ever be for most people.
I agree with this! But I also would note that of the 168 hours in a week, being away from them for 50 of them (especially if they’re at school anyway for 30 of them) doesn’t really detract from my ability to do both big picture parenting (teaching life skills, moral values, building memories, being a role model) or even the small stuff that adds up (cooking meals, helping with homework, listening to them, talking to them, taking them to and from extracurricular activities, pursuing hobbies together, etc.).
So it’s not an all or nothing thing. Most working parents can still raise children in an immensely fulfilling way, so the fulfilling part of a stay at home parent isn’t actually exclusive to the stay at home parents.
Pretty much nobody in my friend group (and we’re all parents) would prefer to be a stay at home parent. Personally, that’s a bad fit for me, my skill sets, and my preferences. I’d be miserable and bored, and feel that it would be a waste of the things I’m good at. My wife would feel the same way in that kind of caretaker role.
Like, I think if we won the lottery and didn’t have to work to maintain our lifestyles, we’d still send our kids to school and camps and things like that to get them out of the house and socializing with other people, while we’d probably still choose to work in some capacity, for some kind of public interest or passion project we’d do for reasons other than the money.
Staying at home with kids just doesn’t sound appealing as a day to day routine. I like my weekends with them, but I also like that we use the time to catch up, too.
But I suspect that the numbers are pretty evenly split between “would thrive in either role,” “would be miserable in either role,” “would much prefer being in the paid workforce,” and “would much prefer being a stay at home parent.”
My wife and I are squarely in the “would much prefer being in the paid workforce,” because we like our jobs, and because we want our children in an organized school environment (and paying for after care is fine for them and for us). Most of our social circle are in the same boat. But most of us are mid-career white collar professionals and have better than average flexibility over work hours and location (at perhaps the cost of a blurred boundary between work and home). So our jobs are easier to balance with parenting.
On the flip side, home situation matters a lot, too. How much you enjoy different types of household work (cooking, cleaning, home improvement/maintenance), different functions of a caretaker (feeding kids, scheduling out activities, being that first line as an educator or first aid or driver, etc.), how well your hobbies and interests fit into a lifestyle as a full time caretaker, etc.
One of my friends gave up his main career to take care of his kids, but now that they’re in school he went back to personal training at a gym. He lines up clients and is only available for sessions between school dropoff and pickup (10am to 2pm). It’s a good intermediate holding pattern for him, and he’ll likely go back to his main white collar career once his kids are old enough to be latchkey kids. That being said, I know he wasn’t super happy not working outside of the home, and this personal trainer thing has him in a much better spot than when his kids were too young for school.
I’ve worked with many many people this decade that got paid more than me to do literally fuck all for the whole shift and got approved for overtime more frequently where they continued to be absolutely useless but they kissed the correct asses and sucked the right toes.
Maybe it’s just the kind of people I work with, but I know very few who wouldn’t prefer to be stay at home parents, given the option.
Well, yeah. Most people would much rather spend their time and energy taking care of their children than laboring away for someone else’s profit. They may not phrase it like that, but raising children is far more self-fulfilling than working a job could ever be for most people. I imagine in most cases, people prefer tons of hard work raising a child when compared to working the easy cozy job, because at the end of the day the job is just a means to an end.
Speaking as a working parent (married to another working parent), it’s worth pointing out that this dichotomy isn’t mutually exclusive:
I agree with this! But I also would note that of the 168 hours in a week, being away from them for 50 of them (especially if they’re at school anyway for 30 of them) doesn’t really detract from my ability to do both big picture parenting (teaching life skills, moral values, building memories, being a role model) or even the small stuff that adds up (cooking meals, helping with homework, listening to them, talking to them, taking them to and from extracurricular activities, pursuing hobbies together, etc.).
So it’s not an all or nothing thing. Most working parents can still raise children in an immensely fulfilling way, so the fulfilling part of a stay at home parent isn’t actually exclusive to the stay at home parents.
Pretty much nobody in my friend group (and we’re all parents) would prefer to be a stay at home parent. Personally, that’s a bad fit for me, my skill sets, and my preferences. I’d be miserable and bored, and feel that it would be a waste of the things I’m good at. My wife would feel the same way in that kind of caretaker role.
Like, I think if we won the lottery and didn’t have to work to maintain our lifestyles, we’d still send our kids to school and camps and things like that to get them out of the house and socializing with other people, while we’d probably still choose to work in some capacity, for some kind of public interest or passion project we’d do for reasons other than the money.
Staying at home with kids just doesn’t sound appealing as a day to day routine. I like my weekends with them, but I also like that we use the time to catch up, too.
I’d kill to be at home with my kids instead of working.
I think that’s true of many people.
But I suspect that the numbers are pretty evenly split between “would thrive in either role,” “would be miserable in either role,” “would much prefer being in the paid workforce,” and “would much prefer being a stay at home parent.”
My wife and I are squarely in the “would much prefer being in the paid workforce,” because we like our jobs, and because we want our children in an organized school environment (and paying for after care is fine for them and for us). Most of our social circle are in the same boat. But most of us are mid-career white collar professionals and have better than average flexibility over work hours and location (at perhaps the cost of a blurred boundary between work and home). So our jobs are easier to balance with parenting.
On the flip side, home situation matters a lot, too. How much you enjoy different types of household work (cooking, cleaning, home improvement/maintenance), different functions of a caretaker (feeding kids, scheduling out activities, being that first line as an educator or first aid or driver, etc.), how well your hobbies and interests fit into a lifestyle as a full time caretaker, etc.
One of my friends gave up his main career to take care of his kids, but now that they’re in school he went back to personal training at a gym. He lines up clients and is only available for sessions between school dropoff and pickup (10am to 2pm). It’s a good intermediate holding pattern for him, and he’ll likely go back to his main white collar career once his kids are old enough to be latchkey kids. That being said, I know he wasn’t super happy not working outside of the home, and this personal trainer thing has him in a much better spot than when his kids were too young for school.
big nope unless the ‘kid’ is a dog
Are you describing cops?