Update: canceled. Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions! I didn’t even mention the Terrifier gifs he’d sent re: our first date. 😅
So I’m about two weeks out of a year-ish long relationship, but even if I wasn’t, I think this guy I’m seeing tonight would give me the willies. I decided to jump back on the horse pretty quickly - that relationship had been fizzling for awhile and I didnt really feel the need to mope on about it.
Anyway, I got onto Facebook dating and have and a few nice dates with a couple guys. I’m supposed to go out for the first time with this guy tonight, and I was really excited at first. We’ve chatted a lot of jokes, memes, silly things already. But I get the sense that he may be a “falls hard and fast” sort of person. He’s made a few sexual innuendos I’ve largely ignored. He’s also already referred to the zero dates we’ve had so far as “dating” and asked if I want kids. When I let him know that I didn’t want any biological children but may be open to adopting at some point and told him why (gestures at the world), he said he wants at least one bio kid. I let him know it was fine to cancel since we’re on different pages there, but he insisted he’s really excited to meet me. Then he said he actually wants two lol.
He’s already texted me this morning a pretty deep-cut picture of me from Facebook with, “Can you judge me for wanting to kiss this girl?” or something like that. I know it was a mistake to let him have my profile so soon, and what’s worse is there was a picture of my house on there I feel like he could reverse image for my address. I’ve deleted that pic, but even feeling like I needed to for this guy probably means I need to not meet him, right? Or am I overreacting? It’s just a movie date, nothing fancy, and I can leave if I’m skeezed, but wanted to get an unbiased take on if my pre-skeeze seems warranted. Maybe I just need to be more clear on him slowing tf down?
I don’t see why you should waste your time or his time if you’re on different pages about something as critical about having children.
Cancel, you are already on different pages regarding a major relationship subject and he’s digging through your Facebook for kissable pictures.
The first one is a yellow flag and could potentially be worked out.
The second one is a bright red flag that creeps me the fuck out. I can understand looking through someone’s profile to figure out the kind of person you’re about to spend 3 hours in the dark with, but not sending that “Can you judge me for wanting to kiss this girl?”. That’s weird and creepy.
You already know the answer my dear. Just reading this makes my gut feel a little tiny bit nauseous, and a fuck tonne of Nope.
Trust your instincts & don’t give a fuck how it ‘makes you look’.
/ $00.02
It’s important to be on the same page regarding kids. I’m a bit older now but I’ve seen many relationships fall apart due to this. The other person usually WONT change so if that’s a line in the sand better not even go there.
If it were me, I’d cancel. I’m getting bad vibes just reading this post.
Cancel.
Anyway, what’s Facebook dating?
Facebook got a dating section like 8-10 years ago maybe? Same basic thing as every dating app, but no need to create another profile.
Sounds like he doesn’t respect boundaries if he keeps pressing for kids.
I would drop him, and maybe get a gun or some pepper spray for protection.
Dude sounds needy as heck already. Heck, I’m tired of him and haven’t even met the guy! 😆
You know you are incompatible because of the kids comments.
He doesn’t take your decision to not have kids seriously.
It sounds from this info like he doesn’t respect you and wants sex, so if you want sex with a jerk then there it is.
Also facebook has to be the bottom of the barrel when it comes to dating.
I haven’t used it before now, but anything I was on in the past seems heavily enshittified. I wish I was easier to meet people in the wild!
Not sure where you live, but look for hiking date events, bars with single nights, etc. Usually more guys which is great for you. The few I’ve ever gone to were very casual and fun and I’ve made some cool friends.
Good idea!
isn’t facebook in its entirety also enshittified?
Facebook is a porta potty on the last day of a 3-day music and cheese festival
Personally, as a child-free person, if someone I was interested in wanted bio kids, I’d immediately stop being interested because that’s not something you can compromise on. It’s a fundamental incompatibility, imho.
It sounds like you aren’t really hurting for options, so, you know… probably not worth the effort.
The sooner you get rid of him the better.
Is he a Chinese military parade cuz that is a lot of red flags.
Stealing this one
You tried to cancel, he refused to accept that. Huge fucking red flag! He also ignored your clearly started desire for no kids.
The rest of it sounds like love bombing, a really disgusting tactic mostly used by abusive individuals to get you to doubt your own thoughts and feelings. But really, I strongly suggest you do some web searches regarding love bombing.
You tried to cancel, he refused to accept that.
Do you mean this?
I let him know it was fine to cancel since we’re on different pages there, but he insisted he’s really excited to meet me.
I interpreted that as her giving him a chance to cancel, but he didn’t take that offer. 🤔
I get your point. I guess I made some assumptions there. Still feels like a big red flag that he handwaved a very big difference in their desired outcomes.
In other words, it doesn’t sound like he respects her wishes at all.
I think there’s a lot of misinformation about love bombing. Some people just get really interested in others and spend a lot of time and energy being cutesy. This is not a psychotic manipulation tactic. This is just actual interest in another human being.
The problem with love bombing is that it is very difficult to tell the difference between the two, so some people have defensively started saying that everybody that does it is love bombing because they’re a psycho as a self-defense mechanism, and that’s just not the case.
That being said, I think this person is putting out weird vibes.
If you’re at the point where you’re posting on lemmy about how you don’t want to go out with this person, that should be all of the information you need to know that you should not go out with this person.
Facebook dating
I made a decision here and everything that followed reinforced it.
😅 yep, fair
If the vibe is wrong, just say no and move on.
