Though I’ll also add one thing that HAS changed without me having to stop being decent to others or critical of myself (in a healthy way): Whether it’s something at work or at some, I have learned to blunt that urge to get somebody’s approval to do something before I do it. It’s a mix of some earned confidence, and of wanting to own my decisions, all in the context of teaching myself to be decisive and act rather than analyze and discuss with others while never doing anything.
And that last bit isn’t my inevitable turn back into the productivity-obsessed conservative asshole I was raised to be. It is self care after a lifetime of raw dogging ADHD. So the first part about being decisive and trusting my judgment is very true, but the second part about just doing anything is probably even moreso in my case. It includes getting things done that I desperately want to do for my personal life and well being. I have built so much shit this summer with my own two hands that my body has gun as much benefit as my mind.
Some doubt I guess is healthy. The idea that it’s a sign I’m not an asshole yet is one I want to lean into. My field is known for its arrogant assholes, unfortunately.
You are so spot on about owning decisions and shedding that doubt. It’s something I’m also working on. Experience helps. Being the expert in the room for the first time is daunting for anyone.
I love the way you have put this.
I love to hear that it was received as intended!
Though I’ll also add one thing that HAS changed without me having to stop being decent to others or critical of myself (in a healthy way): Whether it’s something at work or at some, I have learned to blunt that urge to get somebody’s approval to do something before I do it. It’s a mix of some earned confidence, and of wanting to own my decisions, all in the context of teaching myself to be decisive and act rather than analyze and discuss with others while never doing anything.
And that last bit isn’t my inevitable turn back into the productivity-obsessed conservative asshole I was raised to be. It is self care after a lifetime of raw dogging ADHD. So the first part about being decisive and trusting my judgment is very true, but the second part about just doing anything is probably even moreso in my case. It includes getting things done that I desperately want to do for my personal life and well being. I have built so much shit this summer with my own two hands that my body has gun as much benefit as my mind.
Some doubt I guess is healthy. The idea that it’s a sign I’m not an asshole yet is one I want to lean into. My field is known for its arrogant assholes, unfortunately.
You are so spot on about owning decisions and shedding that doubt. It’s something I’m also working on. Experience helps. Being the expert in the room for the first time is daunting for anyone.