So I was hearing these radio people talking about first dates and they seemed to push the idea that it’s almost a given that people would be drinking alcohol on first date. As if it was a courtesy.
I was surprised to find after Googling this that maybe half of people online think the same meanwhile others are fine with just getting coffee or something.
I can maybe see how coordinating to maybe meet at a bar is somehow more feasible after work and perhaps works out better during the week VS having to go somewhere during the day on weekend but I would imagine it depends on the person.
I for one don’t understand how drinking makes sense where I’m at. Even I’m in a good metro area but I’d still have to go downtown to be walking to a bar. It’s the US, so I still feel that no matter what, people still have to drive. Why drink if you’re gonna drive?
What do you guys think? Does the date go smoother with an alcoholic drink? How have your experiences been and do you guys have a particular preference?
(Yes, I’ve never dated and therefore have no insight.)
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There will be plenty of time as you get to know a person later on that you can meet at a bar for a drink which isn’t and shouldn’t be a big deal.
You can get to first know the person as is with a coffee. Coffee or tea doesnt change a personality. Alcohol can.
If they can’t handle just going for a coffee and get all weirdly defensive about you not having a drink that it’s a red flag.
Alcohol can mask if they are an alcoholic on your first meet. And if they are insistent about getting alcohol as a first meet and make it a big deal like it’s their ‘everything’ that is telling you they are likely an alcoholic. That’s how addicts are about the thing they are addicted to.
Red flags aren’t something you accommodate. It’s something you take as a warning sign.
Expected by whom, society? Who cares? You do you, if you don’t want to drink then a polite ‘no thanks I’d rather get coffee’ or whatever is all you need. Anyone who tries to pressure you into drinking after that is an asshole, and why do you care what assholes think?
It’s common, but not expected in the sense that most potential partners would be put off by your choice not to drink. If a date pressures you to drink when you don’t want to, that’s a red flag. Maybe propose something other than a bar if you don’t want to drink.
Why drink if you’re gonna drive?
A large number of people, perhaps even a majority think that it’s perfectly fine to drive after light drinking. The bar industry in the USA has tried to push a narrative that it’s mainly severely impaired drivers who cause crashes and the current DUI thresholds are too low. I used to think that until I went looking for research to back it up and found that there’s a pretty linear response in terms of driving worse as BAC increases. Driving is dangerous enough without any impairment.
For me, 0.08 BAC would mean I feel drunk as shit. Other people may not feel it. The fact that people think it’s too low is baffling.
People who binge drink frequently get used to it and don’t feel very drunk at 0.08. It doesn’t mean they’re not significantly impaired. Add that to a bit of propaganda from the bar industry, which has an incentive to normalize impaired driving and it starts to make sense.
Give your potential date an option of drinks [if you’re ok with alcohol obviously) or coffee/tea. It let’s them decide what they are comfortable with.
Cool! Thanks!
Perhaps re-frame the question: is it expected that you should partake of marijuana on the first date?
Really, a date is about getting to know each other, and any assumptions about the suitability of these kinds of social lubricants may indicate a divergence or convergence of cultural norms.
In other words, arranging a to meet at a bar sends a signal well before the “date” actually begins about how you approach life… if such a proposal is accepted then the other party is at least open to you consuming.
There are quite likely a lot of people who will breeze right past this and proceed to get tipsy to provide a cover story for embarrassing mistakes… and every but of this is fodder for judging how well you will get along if there are further dates. Don’t get depressed if the other person decides against future dates… no matter your feelings if they don’t feel likewise then best to drop it early.
The important thing to do is communicate the kind of person you are… forgiving, uptight, loose, teetotaler… and learn what kind of person the other is… preferably without conflict, and with respect. If alcohol fits with your persona, don’t hide it.
OP: what age are you and where are you from?
30 yr, US.
Always depends upon the setting and people involved.
Your traditional romantic dinner is almost certainly going to involve wine. (In a stereotypical western culture setting)
My dates have typically been in a more casual environment. Being invited to parties (alcohol or more), movie theaters (typical movie house snacks), Beach (cooler of water bottles, pop, light snacks, or whatever is available there)
DO NOT push your date to drink or do anything they aren’t comfortable with.
Informed consent is key.
We are all people trying to make it on this blue marble. Don’t leave it worse than how you found it.
It varies widely depending on the people and all of the stereotypes about dating exist people enough people promote it, but zero of them work for everyone.
Movies were a popular first date too, but not everyone likes going to the movies. Too many people, too loud, and a large number of people just don’t like watching movies.
Not everyone wants to go out to dinner because of hangups about their own eating habits.
Not everyone wants to go out for a walk at a park. They could have physical issues or allergies or something else that they don’t want to be the focus of a first date.
Not everyone drinks or wants to drink on a first date. But a lot of people also have one or maybe two drinks, not to get drunk but because they find it relaxing. Most people would take it as a bad sign unless they see it as a sign of a fellow alcoholic. In fact, the only people I can think of that would want their date to get drunk are sex pests.
Depends on the setting.
- A restaurant? Maybe a beer or a glass of wine with the food. Individual preference of beverage decides - Doesn’t have to be alcohol.
- A bar? Yup.
- Going for a walk? I want to see someone doing shots while strolling in an increasingly wavering line.
Media has taught us that a first date involves drinking in a bar or restaurant, in part because of movie shorthand. (Dinner and drinks is a date, forget the rest of the evening, we just set the stage to imply the rest.)
As many others have said, your normal is your normal. Don’t let society or Hollywood pressure you into dating ‘their way’.
I met my wife on a date at a coffeehouse near here house. We then went to a pizza place across the street. No alcohol involved, but I did bring a board game into the restaurant with us.
What is expected is that you are kind to your date and spend your time getting to know each other.
Where I live, yes, though we’re pretty much a nation of alcoholics in denial.
The only rules that matter are the ones you and your date agree on and largely revolve around where it is you decide to meet. There’s nothing wrong with either of you having a drink if you’re somewhere that serves alcohol. There’s a lot wrong if either of you go on a bender. There’s also nothing wrong with drinking a soft drink too. Or doing an activity based date rather than a food/drink oriented one.
Just communicate openly with each other before the date with an eye towards your dates feelings/perception of safety.
Don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Don’t listen to people giving dating advice.
Depends on the people. There aren’t any strict rules. Some people won’t, some will. Some might even end up in bed right after. As long as everyone involved is comfortable with it, it’s fine.
If you aren’t comfortable with drinking on a first date, then don’t. If like me you never drink alcohol, then don’t.
Also depends on the alcohol. Large difference between wine and vodka.But I haven’t ever dated either, so… Personally I can’t imagine any date that involves any drinks and food. Coffee, I don’t do that either. Tea? Down in one go. Water? Awkward, and also down in one go. Food? Can’t focus on anything else, gotta finish first.
