Not from a person. When I was younger I took an online personality test. Nothing from a reputable source, just some random pop psychology thing. The result was short and had a few things on it, but one line hit me like a ton of bricks: “You don’t like people who aren’t as smart as you.”
I was incredulous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably true at some level. I was pretty horrified by this realization, and I ended up thinking about it a lot and doing a ton of introspection. I knew I was smart, but I started acknowledging that there were also a ton of things I was terrible at. Whenever I had intrusive thoughts about a person I thought wasn’t very smart, I tried to think about things they were good at or at least acknowledge privileges I had that they didn’t.
We are a product of our experiences, and different people have different skills and aptitudes for things. All of that is ok and doesn’t make someone better than anyone else. I’m not perfect at it, but I found some value in confronting uncomfortable truths about myself.
Knowledge might not be intelligence but I really found xkcd’s 10000 a wonderful be idea.
I’ve performed and conducted more interviews than I can count. I was once asked a question that stopped me cold. “You’re clearly an intelligent person. How do you manage stupid people?” My mind reeled. At first I thought he was being insulting, but then realized he’s not identifying anyone in particular, just assessing my ability to lead people who are stupid. It’s still to date the toughest interview question I’ve been asked.
How did you answer?
After some uncertain smiles and stumbles, I said with patience, high support, and high direction. It was awkward, and not without some rambling.
Since then I’ve realized when I’m having difficulty conveying a complex idea to someone who may not understand, I tend to break the idea down into smaller components. I also often use analogies to help connect a concept to one the listener already understands.
I’ve thought about answering that question again on many occasions. I’m just glad it was a mock interview. lol
The truly hard part is detecting when the person you’re talking to doesn’t understand. Too many people pretend they understand when they don’t and are too embarrassed to ask questions.
Verify understanding with qualifying questions. Ask them to put it into their own words with questions like, “how would you describe it?”
disappointed, maybe. How can you allow a comment to hurt you?
NEVER allow your happiness to be dependent of internet opinions mate! you will live a happy life.___
That’s easy for you to say, but you don’t have their experience and you don’t feel their emotions. I agree that we should strive for that, but expecting everyone to just brush off everything is unrealistic.
It a tough world out here mate, you best guard up! Or the world just might swallow you whole.
And don’t forget to be nice, cause sociopath is but a man in a process of changing :)
If a dumb driver almost side-swap you while merging into the highway, give him way; he must really need to take a shit.
Or that of anyone else honestly.
Your bad behavior/lack of communication, etc isn’t going to ruin my day. Don’t let it, stop thinking about it, move on. It’s their issue not yours.
I don’t think it’s a choice for some of us.
Ok
How can you allow a comment to hurt you? Easy, by being human and having feelings. Comments can’t hurt if you’re an empty husk of a person who has no feelings; if you’re hypervigilant about bracing for attacks; or if you never take a risk of being vulnerable and never share anything important about yourself. None of these options is particularly healthy. Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave. The last option is at least reasonable online (but not in relationships), but not so easy in practice.
A common theme in the responses here is the element of surprise, comments and criticism that blindsided the person by hitting them in a vulnerable spot that they didn’t know that they were exposing.
That certainly comports with my experience in receiving hurtful comments.
Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave.
Guys… we’re talking about comments right? Cause I’m sensing deflection here.
What do you mean by deflection?
Deeply? No, but you try and be funny or helpful and sometimes it offends someone because they read it a certain way (text can be ambiguous) and that can ruin a day for me. No good reason, mind you, but they can get really mean about it and what, do I apologize or fight? You didn’t exactly want to clarify for a jackass coming after you for no reason.
I’m also not highly fond of people when they correct you on stuff when it’s not really warranted. Lemmy does that a lot; you can’t always write a 20pg paper about a random comment to address every little facit of what you said, haha.
Yeah I just leave those comments and walk away. Explaining or editing a comment no-one is ever going to read is not worth the time. Nothing good can come from it.
You win some you lose some.
Comment on something new.
I posted a picture of myself on reddit asking for hair advice. My head was turned somewhat to the side so my nose was in profile. Someone felt the need to tell me I had the ugliest nose they had ever seen. I never really noticed the shape before that, but now in my mind’s eye it’s huge, crooked and has a hook.
A decade later I was getting a septoplasty to repair damage from an assault, and I asked the surgeon if he could remove the hook in my nose. He looked at me with the most compassion anyone ever has, and asked me to point out the hook in the mirror. It was the first time in all those years I finally saw my real nose. It’s actually pretty cute, I don’t know what that commentor was smoking
Hurt people hurt people
Yes.
On a forum, I was complaining about a troll and his friend roasting something i made, they responded with a picture of a baby crying. Moderators did nothing. It ruined my week. I was like 16 at the time.
Damn, people are jerks.
Edit:
This is where I learn the thing they made was like a pride swastika.
Plenty of comments hurt my brain trying to comprehend how utterly stupid they are, but I don’t think there’s anything an anonymous stranger could say that would hurt my feelings, that kinda stuff needs to be personal.
I think random strangers can sometimes hit on some personal stuff, which is kinda sad.
My feelings? not that I remember. My faith in humanity though…
No, because I’m not a bitch
Nah,
I grew up in the world of BBS’s and IRC. First foray into a chat channel started with someone renaming themselves “34yrDude changes name to 15yrChick”
…and that set the tone for me what the internet is.
It’s a entire world where you make absolutely zero assumptions. The ‘things’ responding in text could be anything. And I say thing instead of people because these days it may not even a person.
There’s an entity that responds to my comments, and perhaps seemingly hurtful,
it could be some 10yr old kid who doesn’t fully understand, it could be could be some mentally challenged person, it could be someone’s crazy grandma,
and now it could be some bot that while not purposefully built to be malicious, through emergent behavior is trolling and insulting people because it gets a rise out of people that results in more and longer comments, which tickles its feedback loop to do more of the same.
So nah, there’s nothing anyone in the vast internet could type out that I would personally hurt my feelings, because I make no assumptions as to where the comment is coming from, and those comments don’t have a lot of weight to me.
this sums it up for me. Along with the fact you never see those guys talking to themselves at 7/11 but go check out whos using the computers all day in the library sometime.
Any time I watch settlers talk about Black people on the internet it reminds me we have made no real material progress towards liberation in the West, and likely never will until the West as we know it has fallen in. That’s a regular pain; psychic damage, despair and rage at the same time.
Probably not what you mean but blatant misogyny, hatred, or animal or human abuse, I find those painful to read
Not really, my skin is pretty thick. But I made a comment once that fucked someone up real good. I think about it every time I start to go “too far” and I reel it back in, because I never want to be that person again.
Are you the person that commented “I also choose this guy’s dead wife”?
That was a fabulous comment though
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Fine. Try not to judge.
Someone was having a very bad day and took it out on me with unprovoked anger on Reddit (of course). Their comments were very pointed, unnecessary, and all around inappropriate for the work related sub we were in. I took the bait, and it got a lot worse. Any attempt to reason with them (my first mistake) just made it worse.
So, I found out who they were and where they worked based on their username. Called the office (with no plan, like what was I going to accomplish? Dumb.) But, I found out he was just fired the prior week. With surprisingly little effort, I was able to squeeze the dirty details out of the receptionist. It was bad—and it was the dirt I needed. I took that information and formed a comment that would shut their shit down for good…
What ended up happening was they responded negatively—as anyone would. But, there was weakness in it. I won. But I wasn’t satisfied. “They sucker punched me. I am the victim!” I convinced myself.
So, high on anger and craving the last blow, I dug through their comment history like a rabid animal, but instead of dirt, I found their life story. They were having a lot of mental issues dealing with anger. They were mid-divorce. They were having anxiety about finding employment. They were up to their eyeballs in debt. Etc…
Fuck, what have I done?!
Never again.
Yeah, I tried and I failed. I applaud that you can look back at that and change your behavior online, but past you is getting judged hard rn.
You tried not to go too far, failed, and continue to go too far—knowing you’re going too far?
I mean, judge me all you want hypocrite 😉
Your wording makes me believe my comment came across as much more serious as intended.
Also, assuming you really did take that experience to heart I am not criticising you. I am criticising the actions of someone with less life experience, who no longer exists (they have been replaced with the smart you).
I can’t change how you read things.
Well I tried and failed to find any other reason for your comment beyond plain spite. Maybe instead of trying to put others down you take a hard look at yourself, because you’re coming across as a complete piece of shit.
I remember getting one from a fascist saying they wanted to “tie people like [me] up and drag their bodies from [their] truck”
Didn’t really hurt but more like sting. I published a popular video and someone wrote they needed to switch from their usual 2x speed watching videos to 1x because of my accent.
I get it, English is my 4th language so it won’t be very smooth. But I’ve been using it for 99℅ of my conversations since I moved to Korea 3 years ago and I feel I’m better in it than almost everyone I interact with here.
4th? Man that commenter owes you nothing, nada. You did your best and the rest is their problem.
goign from 2x to 1x is not really that bad of a thing. Hes saying he can understand you but not at an artificially high rate of speed. I personally don’t get watching things at multiple speeds but im someone who would rather read a doc overall.
It’s because you talk fast and efficient.
Btw english is my 2nd, may I ask what are your other three? My first is Hungarian
Polish, German and Swedish. Now I’m learning Korean, not because I want to but because I moved to Korea and without it it’s difficult to do anything.
That’s also why I had to learn the other languages other than English, because I moved to those countries.
Wow, you almost went around the globe
EU freedom of movement really is something else, lol
Who the hell watches videos at 2x speed anyway?
For folks with ADHD, like myself, slow talking video essays are a special kind of hell.
Agreed. I’m convinced that most YouTube videos are slowed by 25%. The ones I watch are barely tolerable at 125% speed. I usually run them at 150%.
Some people are very insensitive to other people’s hard work.
Don’t worry. People that watch videos at 2x can be considered to be insane.
Thank god, I was afraid to be judged insane.
But I’m good since I watch my videos at 2.5-3.0 times speed!
Fucking hell.
Anything above 1,5 is fast as fuck for me.
It’s weird, in my native language I tend to turn the speed down much more often than in English.
Ah yes, I forgot folks with ADHD are also insane. /s
I’m usually watching at 2.5-3.0 times speed. I turn down the speed either for A: entertainment (movies simply have a sort of pacing that is not so nice to interrupt (compared to any random YouTube video)), or B: because the content is sooo good and information dense that the limiting factor is no longer audio processing, but following the reasoning of the content. Those are the videos I love most.
You know 4 languages!?!?! That’s amazing. Don’t let anyone judge you because you’re not 100% in 4 friken languages.
I was once banned from some forums for being “too weird to fit in”. It was a forum for a forming WoW guild prior to its launch in 2004. I remember that it somehow crushed my quirky personality, and I became a bit of a drudge as a result.
Although I still game, and sometimes online, I’ve never since tried to actually fit in with any group, and have mostly stopped communicating when gaming at all. No voicechat, only chat, and even that very limited. I guess you could say the single experience changed my outlook and enjoyment of online gaming forever.
Online gaming is fun. It just sucks if it turns into all of the bad parts of high-school. I was doing MMOs before WoW and we weren’t ever the popular kids. Once wow came out and it became mainstream I probably took a 10 year haitas. Back at it now but things have chilled out quite a bit.
