Hey y’all, this is a bit of a personal rant and maybe a space for other people to share their experiences in the comments. I’m just looking for some advice on how to make the wait for bottom surgery more bearable.

Mine is probably about 6-8 months away, though I don’t have an exact surgery date yet. There are some days where it’s really fine and I don’t even notice my parts down there but then there are others where it’s unbearable to even get out of bed. Sometimes I just want to cut the damn thing off myself, I feel like I can’t bear to lug it around for even one more day.

I know that I’m a woman (ish) no matter my genitals but it just pisses me off so much that I’ll forever be an experiment for people (especially men) when I try dating as long as I don’t have a vulva. That I can’t go to women’s changing rooms without having a complete breakdown (I did it once and have avoided them since in the last 1.5 years). That I can’t go swimming in the same clothes all my friends can. That I can’t enjoy buying nice underwear because it always looks so horribly wrong. That I feel it every second of every day, that I always have to cover it up when I wear tight bottoms, that I always have to worry and think about it. I hate it, I really do. Every time I touch it, it feels more like a tumor or some kind of demon that has manifested in my body. My bottom dysphoria has become worse and worse the better everything else gets. You win some, you lose some, I guess. All in all, life has gotten significantly better in the last two years for me. I feel like I still have the same amount of dysphoria as I did before starting HRT, only now it’s concentrated more on this part of my body.

Okay, rant over, haha. Hope to hear some of your experiences and what helped you through the wait.

  • poppichew@piefed.socialEnglish
    5·
    9 days ago

    I have some comments, but I am not mtf so I can’t give you more than that.

    • It is my personal belief that genitalia has very little to do with gender as I have seen time and time again that while it correlates for some, it’s not always par the norm. I have loved a variety of transfolx throughout my lifetime, and when dysphoria hits it always seems to help to remember this. I can understand that it feels awful to have a disconnect between what you see in your minds eye and what you’re currently trapped with. In these instances, sometimes just wearing cute clothing can help. Minimizing time around mirrors seems to help as well. I wish I had the magic key, but I don’t. I just figured I would say in my own life I have found the best coping/healing comes from being kind to myself instead of burning my bits to the ground.

    • As for the fetishism, I have heard it never stops. Basically regardless of what genitalia you sport, there will always be an element of queerness within your relationships. Which I suppose could be good or bad depending on how you feel about it. I will say I have heard there’s far less folks knocking on your door pre/post operation but I think others can give more input on that than I can. I just figured it’s worth noting, because while this is something I have heard I didn’t even think about how this could transform an individuals er…suitors in such a way. I will say that there is a beauty to life in that people seem to sort of fall into one another and hopefully pending you’re feeling loved and supported by said individual(s) it doesn’t seem to matter much what cards you have to play. Just as long as they fit into whatever said individual(s) are down to hang with.

      • Plan for kind things to cover your recovery. I heard it’s a sob to sit upright for quite some time. Perhaps figure out how to have the technology you want to access accessible via a comfortable position (laying down?). Get your setup done in advance, so you don’t have to worry too much about it. Grab what you need to keep yourself clean and regular (as in, going to the bathroom - think about what you need to be able to go to the bathroom). Figure out who/what support you will need in order to sustain yourself on the road to recovery. Likewise how (remote work?) you can sustain yourself. You might have to move things around in order to get from a->b. I myself have had surgeries that have impaired me severely and just getting to the bathroom was a feat. It’s partially why I mention it, but also things I have heard through the grape vine yet again.

    • I know several people waiting for gender-reaffirming surgeries and you sort of just have to toss your hat into the ring and be open to not having specifics. One was told they’d be able to get an orchie in 3-5 months but they’re still waiting and it’s been more than that. So I suppose it’s just a waiting game. I think Covid kinda messed up the time line of a lot of things. When a doctor needs time, I figured it’s always better to give them it than to have someone burnt-out and prone to making mistakes. Just kinda be accepting of the wait, at least is how I have experienced it. I wish I had better advice.

    Idk if any of this helps, and as previously stated I am not mtf. Just know that I mean it all in kindness. Equally I’d say finding a support network (here?) helps. If you can’t find it, maybe dedicating some time to creating it could not only help you, but others as well. The world is cruel to transfolx, it’s kinda crazy though, cause like…they also seem to be obsessed with them? Shrugs. Just do your best to stay safe, cultivate kindness and peace and turn off whatever you need to turn off in order to be well. Good luck, sis! You’re gunna be fine either way. Just remember to be kind to yourself =)