And are you surprised looking back on it?
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“Don’t stick your tongue out unless you’re gonna use it.”
Not really, she was a crazy ho but also very good looking, plus I was young and stupid (also horny).
The thing about not sticking your dick in crazy is soooo true. I think everyone should take the advice regardless of the genders involved.
Can confirm
It’s amazing also, not worth it in the long run.
I won’t deny the ephemeral fun; it’s the lasting consequences that suck. Maybe if you’re a psychopath who ghosts hook ups and who they can’t trace back to your den, but I’ve always believed that people are crazy for a reason and treating them poorly isn’t helping their mental health.
Not that I’ve always been a saint, but by and large I try to be a decent person.
Me: “Wanna have sex?”
Her: “No”
Me: “C’mon, it’ll be over before you know it, and you’ll barely feel a thing.”
Her:”Ok, let’s go.”
Me:”Wait… What?”
True story.
Were you already together?
No just a girl who was in a friend group that mingled with my friend group occasionally. We had drunkenly hooked up a couple of times previously, but on this occasion we were sober and happened to be sitting together on a random afternoon in university.
I mostly said it to be funny when she said she was bored. I guess she really was bored.
First date.
I rolled a D-20 in front of her.
1
“Hey, I shat in my bed, can I sleep in yours?”
I will use this
Him: I can make you orgasm without touching you.
Me: bullshit, prove it
Then he proceeded to prove it and I had the best orgasm of my life; only to discover that was the worst orgasm that I would ever have with him…
You can’t just leave us hanging like that. Tell us the secret
The fuck did he do to make that happen. The fucking force.
Right? I have questions.
Where do I learn this technique. Who holds the sacred knowledge.
Learn to sense yourself to better sense others.
Bring me a pair of crocks and the milk of a lemur.
My guess is JOI…
Joy over IP? How is that supposed to work?
No Jedi tricks as far as I am aware but damn did he figure me out fast.
Bait?
Not so much a pick-up line, but I sent her a dick pic
I cannot stress enough that it wasn’t a random, unsolicited one.
We’d joked about it, her user name was a play on it, and I sent a link to something rather than a picture, so she had the ability to not see it if she chose
Anyway… We’re engaged now…
Her: is that Harry Potter you’re reading?
She approached me on the bus when I was commuting. It was a couple of decades ago when HP was new and fun. She was fun too, but we only went on a couple of dates.
I’m not surprised at all. At the time, I was trying to be as social as possible. If she’d stomped on my toe and then asked me out, I’d probably have said yes.
Me: Do you have the time?
Her: Do you have the stamina?
I’ve come to believe that she didn’t just come up with that herself, but at the time it was great.
Yes, this was before smart phones.
“I’m bored, wanna fool around?” sometimes, that’s all it takes.
I introduced myself to my wife by saying “hi I’m a lesbian” after overhearing her complain about there not being enough of us around
My now wife and her friend showed up at a party where I was at, and they both were wearing glasses. I also had glasses on, so I blurted out, “Oh, good, more people with glasses!” I instantly regretted it after saying it, but we ended up dating and then getting married. If it’s stupid but it works then it’s not stupid.
Good thing it worked for you, but I would laugh a lot if somebody said that to me.
Now that I think about it, it might actually work on me.
beckons her over with a come hither gesture “If I can make you come with just one finger, imagine what I could do with two.”
A guy used this one on me, only he did the gesture and said, “Ha. Made you come with one finger.”
I thought that was the dumbest shit I’d ever heard in my life and bust out laughing.
But I guess it worked, bc we’ve been married for 17 years.
Similar, but “do you always come when you’re fingered”?
My best one was just saying “hey, wanna have sex”?
“hey, wanna have sex”?
Well, bend over so I can.
See that a lot of these and know step one would be hot, not ugly.
Step two: realize that you can become hot by putting in a reasonable amount of effort.
Nah. Most people aren’t hot. Most girls aren’t hot. The not hot girls want it just as bad as the hot ones.
Her: “I’m, like the Queen of Analogies!”
Me: “Really? What’s that like?”
Her: “. . . Fuck you! Nobody ever asked me that before!”
Married 14 years now…
That’s the longest time I’ve ever heard someone take to build up a comeback. Be on your guard!
What was supposed to be the punchline?
To this day I still do not know!
I just told my not-super-close friend “we’re going out for sushi and I’m gonna pay but it’s not a date but we get to eat sushi”
They said “oh hell yeah let’s get high beforehand”
Smoked some weed, ate sushi. Zero talk. Maximum awkward. Went back to the car, I asked about a book that was in their bag. They said it was a sketchbook, and I asked if I could see. LOVED their art sooooo much.
Together for 14 years so far
Are the two of you more visually oriented than verbally oriented? If so, it’s really cool that you stumbled on a better way to connect than talking.
Oh definitely. We talk and stuff, but we mostly just kinda experience everything together. We spend all of our time together and have for about a decade, even working together at our last job (and now together at home when I don’t have to be in the office.) We’re very comfortable just existing alongside each other.
Did you get a huge fly tattooed on your thigh because you’re a stinky bitch?
No pull, but got a huge laugh.
