I’ve done alot of mischievous and unkind things throughout my education time (k-12) I made fun of people, bullied people, stole from people/stores, hit people, kicked people, did things to annoy people, and just overall did stupid shit to cause problems all because it either felt cool or because I thought it was funny. Some of these were things I did because my friends did them, but some were just me being stupid on my own. I am now 21 and recently I have thought about all of this and feel awful about the things I’ve done because I know it has affected people. I wish I could go back and have never done any of it. Is something wrong with me? Am I a bad person?
Congratulations, for what is important is you are reaching this empathy and consciousness now. You could try digging inside yourself (maybe therapy?) for what was behind your anger, and you could also try doing something to repair to those you wronged, but keep going, it might not be the easiest path but it’s the wholesome one
No, you’re a human. All of us have generally done shitty things, especially when we were teenagers and were exceptionally shitty versions of ourselves. You’re not “marked by sin” or whatever religious nonsense some people like to say, none of what you did then has to define your present or your future. If anything, feeling bad about the things you did in the past shows that you have grown up, learned some empathy, and become a better person.
Thanks I appreciate it. Since making this post I have reached out and apologized to those that were victims of my behavior. Some haven’t responded back and there are some that I just know I won’t be able to reach again most likely. Everyone so far has said it’s “water under the bridge” for them.
You’re looking for validation in a web forum. Independently of what you did or didn’t, go talk to a therapist and work on this need for validation from others.
Also, if you felt what you did is wrong, don’t do it again. There’s nothing you can do about your past.
You stopped being a bad person when you grew sufficient empathy to feel bad about what you did.
But your debt is not paid.
Consider the bad person you no longer are as though they were a dependent in your charge. Everything they did is, rightly, an embarrassment of who you presently are.
You will continue to be a good person as long as you work to make up for the things that your past self did.
Not out of guilt, though:
Out of gratitude that you’re no longer that person.It sounds like you had a lot of bad behavior, but are not a bad person. Time will tell. Keep choosing to do good.
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Being able to acknowledge you did something wrong is a good first step. The next step would be to try to make it right as much as possible. Most people will likely have forgotten all about it though, unless you were a particularly egregious asshole. If you feel you wronged someone in the past, you can reach out to them and get their perspective. If they feel the same you can apologise and try to make right any lasting damage you caused.
Every morning we wake up with the ability to change who we are and how we act and react.
If you’re sincere, you’ll use that to improve who you are tomorrow.
If you’re truly sorry, you’ll do something extra to help others in some way and address the karma imbalance you’ve caused. Apologise to those people you hurt. (Trust me, it will mean something to them) Find ways to help others survive bullying. Make anonymous donations to the places you stole goods from.
If you really want to dig deep about this, go to therapy. It is incredibly helpful for complex issues of self.
Something that was said to me long ago by somebody I admired when I was a fuckwit teenager, “if you’re not embarrassed of the person you were last year, you’re not growing enough.” That has stuck with me for decades, I find it still applies and I’m scared of when I could realize it doesn’t.
That’s pretty normal, we all do stupid shit as kids because of our environments/friend circles or just general growing pains.
Recognizing that what you’ve done is actually horrible is the most important step in terms of maturing and growing up, though of course it’s not the full battle. After all, how would someone change for the better if they don’t have such realization?
All in all you’re likely not a bad person, just someone who needs to/is in the process of maturing.
Assuming you’re a male, your brains not even fully developed for another 4 years or so. We are all a bit different and you were seeking negative attention without even knowing it, possibly.
Best you can do is acknowledge what you’ve done to yourself, improve and move forward in life.
From my experience, kids can be some of the cruelest people just to fit in/be funny/feel superior at the cost of others. It’s a part of your past and you can’t change that, but you can change who you’ll become. It’s not easy being a good person and you’re going to have tough choices to make, but it’s the right thing to do.
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I do understand that abused kids have a higher tendency to abuse others and that is a more complicated issue that this statement does not pertain to.
I also concede that there are kids that never grow up, unfortunately.
It means you were a bad person, most kids are, that’s why we train them. You choose if you’re a bad person today. I would suggest apologizing to those you wronged in ways that still affect them (prolonged bullying, stealing that significantly ruined a business, hitting that caused long term physical or emotional damage etc). An apology is more than just words, and it won’t always make you feel better. This self reflection is good and healthy.
Most people that are bad people don’t think they are badly people. You did something stupid shit as a kid abd put a lot of bad karma in the world. Try your best to put some good in the world’s to make up for it. It’s all you can do.
