Someone at work that used to be my direct manager had a meeting with me to introduce themselves. They didn’t recognize me at all and I didn’t want to out myself by disclosing who I was, so I went along with it.
I don’t like lying, and when they asked about my work history I was honest even though it created immediate suspicion (how could we have not worked together given when I started working and my job experience?), and I just shrugged. It’s obviously a kind of deception to not out myself, and I don’t like that - but my instincts say it’s better in this context to not out myself.
Probably relevant to the context is that the boss is male, older, conservative, and an immigrant from a non-Western culture that is not open minded about these things.
I am pretty sure based on things they have said in the past that they wouldn’t be tolerant of a trans person.
Anyway, to my trans elders: how have you handled situations like this?
Personally what I heard people do, is:
to people you know would be def allies, disclose if you want; and to those that one is unsure about, try to run with it. Those I think would not be, you might as well not disclose. But always, this goes: never feel bad for not disclosing. Your safety goes above everything.
For like online dating, I heard people say they disclose before starting something. If they then say, “even better” in a creepy tone (chaser), or something like “ew, disgusting/oh so you’re a (wrong gender) in (right gender)'s clothes” (transphobe), that’s a sign to avoid them.