From the begging. 7 years ago I’d moved to a new town and started swiping through tinder, matched with someone (Claire) and I at that time was shallow, hooked up that same evening and walked her home after. We continued this a few times.
Months go by and I’m working a bar job, at a small nightclub in this small town it was pretty grim but being early 20s I didn’t mind too much, it was one of the quietist nights I had worked as festival season had started and the young night clubbers we’re in tents but Claire who I’d been hooking up with and was far from personal who I had never seen in the nightclub before had come in crying her eyes out asking why I didn’t love her, she was drunk and I took leave spoke with her, and following the encounter spoke a lot less after if at all.
I move away, after 2 year I move to a city 3 hours across from the small town. I meat some one and we are dating and I put a picture up on Instagram of me and her, soon after Claire who I dont follow and she doesn’t follow me message me asking how ive been, I said I live somewhere else now and wish them best. Already found this strange. Anyway my new relationship goes on for 3 and a half years but then we break up. Deleting my old pictures of my now ex I get another message from Claire who isn’t following me nor am I felling her. Asking how I am and what I was upto but I think I either ignored it or kept it short.
Current day, Claire pops up on tinder distance 3 miles, I swipe and match, let it cook and she soon after messages me, supper friendly like always and we idlely chat get her number and she wants to know why I matched, “I wanted to apologise for being shallow, narcissistic and not treating people with more respect” (upsets me the way I was)
She’s gone on to say she thinks of me a lot, this makes me feel uncomfortable like she’s got an attachment issue…
What’s everyone’s take. How should I processed I feel its unfair on her talking to her but I dont want her to waste her time thinking unhealthfuly about me.
I have trauma so things like this can send me in a mental spiral but anyway thanks
Just be nice but keep some distance. She doesn’t sound flat out yandere. Don’t freak out.
I dont think she is, and she’s been in relationships in between so I feel much better about the situation. Feel some level of guilt with how this came about though
There’s not enough information that I’d be comfortable drawing conclusions about this. One person’s past flame can be another person’s one who got away. It’s entirely possible she’s keeping tabs on you online in a method you’re not aware of, but if you don’t know that she’s intentionally moved to be close to you and she hasn’t done anything concerning like made threats or faked a pregnancy or created circumstances that compel you to interact with her against your normal interactions, I wouldn’t guess stalking. Some people do coincidentally reconnect.
That said, the important question is whether you want to engage with her or not going forward. If you don’t, I wouldn’t lead her on by giving her any more attention. Make a clean break and just tell her you’re not interested. If she reacts with melodrama or stalking behavior, then you’ll definitely know you made the right decision.
If you are interested in possibly pursuing something with her or at least giving her a chance, be honest that you’re a little freaked out about how she’s previously behaved. You shouldn’t proceed with her thinking that the behavior was not concerning. She should respect your comfort levels if she wants a relationship. If she’s dismissive of your concerns and comfort, it’s a big red flag that you shouldn’t engage further.
Thank you for the advice and insight my brother said similar to me about this
You gotta look into your local laws and talk to law enforcement before anything bad happens, then take their advice on whether or not to tell her outright to leave you alone.
The more negatives you give her the more she will contact you, I believe the best you can do to get rid of her it’s telling her you realized you are completely gay and you are not interested in her romantically but you can be friends.
With some luck she will be just interested into being romantically involved with you and she will leave you in peace.
soon after Claire who I dont follow and she doesn’t follow me message me asking how ive been,I said I …
…and…
now ex I get another message from Claire who isn’t following me nor am I felling her. Asking how I am and what I was upto but I think I either ignored it or kept it short.
…and…
Current day, Claire pops up on tinder distance 3 miles, I swipe and match, let it cook and she soon after messages me, supper friendly like always and we idlely chat get her number and she wants to know why I matched
…and…
How should I processed I feel its unfair on her talking to her
I’m very confused. Your title suggests that you do not what her in your life after the bar/crying incident. Yet you keep letting her in your life when she reaches out, and now most recently YOU are the one reaching out to her.
I’m not going to assume you keep bringing her back in because she’s someone that has shown you affection and that validates you. Your words suggest you are not interested in a romantic relationship or friendship with her.
Do you want her in your life or not?
