I have autism and this fact has disturbed me greatly for some time, to the point its led me to some dark paths. I just want to know if I can actually live a normal life with it or am I doomed to be a weirdo forever?
I know several people with autism diagnosis. They all have ups and downs, problems and victories, joy and sadness. But they all are liked among friends and at work. It’s usually family (parents) that is the most likely source of shit.
A few things you would want to pursue are a healthy relationship and a curated friend group. That takes a while, as you can imagine.
The fear of not belonging or doing something strange and being judged, or fear of not seeing a hidden agenda… It’s something that you’re going to have to work on. You are the way you are. It’s going to hinder you and it’s going to help you, you can’t predict that.
I’ll def work on it and try to get more friends and get into a relationship that doesnt end quickly.
That’s strange, I got a job at the post office and despite my best efforts to be congenial and polite, those people were gossipy little bitches who couldn’t get over my existence, but especially themselves.
It’s difficult but the harsh truth is that it’ll only get better once you find people that can accept you for who your are. For me, this was college. I found a lot of like-minded people and realised I tried to adapt to a world that was never made for me for 21 years. Then again, I only have a mild case of autism.
I don’t think I’ll ever find people like that because they literally do not fucking exist outside of the people you grew up with and even that isn’t a guarantee. College is for the privileged in this wonderful country anyway so if you find yourself among the desperate masses they’ll just claw and gnash their teeth at you like the rabid dogs they are. No friendship or kindness to be found among them. Not because they’re bad people, but because they’re disadvantaged by a system that pits them against one another.
If I may ask, what country is that?
Some of the most interesting people I know are weirdos.
I’ve had a fair few colleagues with varying levels and flavors of autism. The answer is yes.
Also, weird people are fun. Normal’s overrated. I like weird people. Which is probably why I actually prefer the autistic colleagues over the ‘normal’ ones.
Sure, not everyone will dig your particular weirdness, but the same thing is true of everyone without autism too. Just live your life and do your own thing.
This might be a good read for you.
It’s written by Dave Plummer, retired software engineer for Microsoft who developed task manager, amongst other things. He discovered later in life that he was on the spectrum and wrote a book about all the things he wished he’d known sooner, regarding autism.
He also has a great youtube channel.
Everyone is a weirdo. But I dont think you’re doomed to be defined by autism. I know a few people that you’d never know if they didn’t say something.
I would encourage you to find people who also have autism and get talking with them; I’m not going to pretend to be able to give anything more specific than that.
Having someone who’s been in your shoes; and can actually give real advice is invaluable.
I would love to get to know more autistic people but I dont think theres a lot at my uni or in social circles in my city. Ill have to look
10%-20% of the population is neurodivergent. Probably more with how chronically under diagnosed both ASD and ADHD have been in women. Some of the people you know may well be in the spectrum and either don’t know it themselves or are masking.
I’d reach out to your student services, see if there’s any groups.
I’d also look for uni societies that relate to your special interests.
Yeah I will try both
There will no doubt be more than you think - if there isn’t a neuro divergent society at your uni, you could start one?
At the very least there’s loads of neurodivergent communities on lemmy to get involved with.
!autism@lemmy.world for starts
Also worth checking out communities for ADHD and neurodivergence generally - there’s a lot of overlap to find stuff within.
Probably depends what level of autism you have or rather what type… But sure, just like you can live a good life with ADHD, having one leg, or just being an asshole.
The trick with it is managing whatever traits life has given you on your stat sheet. If you’re autistic understand your limitations, figure out if there’s anything you can do and work on it. If you have trouble in social situations, work on that. If you anxious at times, work on that. Don’t be afraid of using medication to help with your symptoms if you can, and working with a therapists to improve the quality of your life (if that works, not going to say there’s a catch all solution). Find people who understand and accept you as well. Not everyone is going to like you… and I say that outside of this. Not everyone will be your friend, and that’s ok.
Two things. Don’t let that be a crutch. Autism might be how you help people understand what you’re going through but don’t say “X is ok because I’m autistic” because you can always be better at certain things, it’s just that certain things may be harder. And always try to improve yourself.
Also don’t take someone else’s definition of a “fulfilling life” If you want to enjoy video games instead of going out to a bar or drinking, and you’re happy with that choice, do it. If you want to be social instead of playing video games, and you’re happy with that choice do it. Just like there’s no one form of Autism there’s no one form of a “Fulfilling life”. Find a way to be happy… similarly there’s no such thing as a “Normal life” there’s a life you want to live, and strive for that.
And besides we’re all weirdos on this planet, most of us just hide it better. You got this.
High functioning autism, which I guess makes me lucky. Still feels like a horribel crutch though
I have ADHD, and probably some minor form or Autism. (Just too old for it to be called that back in the day). A big part of all these things is learning how to cope with it. It’s what makes you different, but like I said, figure out what is a fulfilling life to you first, and then try to strive towards it.
And I don’t mean this as a negative but consider therapy if you can find a way to do it. It sounds like you might need to talk to someone about this and that can be a great help. That can take time too, it took my daughter 3-4 therapists and almost a year to find the right person for her and it’s definitely helped her.
Thank you, yeah I should seek mental help
This post covers two key points that are integral to the question and worth really taking the time to absorb: first, fulfillment might informed by comparisons but is ultimately and ineluctably a personal journey. Second, acknowledge and work with your “stats” (i.e. autism) but don’t identify with it
Yes, you can live a fulfilling life.
But don’t be afraid to be a weirdo! You are different from the norm. Don’t let anyone make you believe it is a bad trait.
It can be rough in school settings as kids that age are fiercely trying to fit in and push others to fit in. As you get older, it’s easier. People are more chill with weirdness, you will have learned some adjustments to your own behavior to avoid the worst blunders, and you can gravitate to groups of people who are at least a little bit weird.
If you have ADHD and autism, it might increase the risk of substance abuse/addictions in general. Some papers on it: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23897915/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5222913/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3965675/
I just smoke weed. Im suicidal at times though
I had a brush with both alcoholism and video game addiction before. Good to hear that you don’t have to deal with any addictions.
I think what could really help is having a tight circle of friends. When you have nothing going on for you in life and you are not really looking forward for anything, it might get you in this circular thinking of “my life is ruined because my brain doesn’t work right” and really focusing on this thought and seeing your neurodivergency as the root of all discomfort in your life, which may then manifest itself as suicidal thoughts. I have been there and I sometimes still have such episodes because I don’t get what I expect from my friends. So yeah, this is of course no easy task, but try to find people that will enrich your life with new things. Try to find things you can look forward to. You can say that it’s just coping, and it is, you are trying to disassociate from the pain of living with autism, but there is no other way around it; you can’t solve autism, you can only cope with it. There is no shame in coping with something that you cannot change.
Hang in there! If you try, it can only get better.
Thank you for the kind words. Ill try to cope as much as possible
I don’t see why not. I don’t have autism and I sure don’t live a fulfilling life, so clearly not having autism hasn’t done me any good there. So if it’s possible for someone to have a fulfilling life at all, then I can’t imagine autism being sufficient on its own to be likely to change that fact.
That really depends on the how it affects you and what you consider fulfilling. I’m autistic and I think things are going pretty well. I work as a programmer, which I usually like and where my qualities can shine. Because of this I managed to buy a place to live and never really have to worry about money too much. Compared to many NTs my life may look boring, because I tend to stay pretty close to home and usually spend a lot of time at home, but it’s how I function best. I enjoy my hobbies and “charge” my energy for the occasional event where I do leave my “bubble” for a festival or something. I’m not sure how the future may look, and I definitely don’t have everything perfectly managed yet, but overall I think it’s definitely going well.
Glad its working out for you
Even “NT” people are weird. Just because you work different doesn’t make you sub-human, doesn’t mean you can’t have a “normal” life, or that you don’t deserve to be happy and to be loved and to have a fulfilling “normal” life.
Keep your chin up, and keep at it.Thank you. But Ive been bullied throughout my life and even my father called me a freak and such, to the point I moved out the minute I became 18. So part of me wishes I was nt so I could just be accepted.
What actions are leading to these reactions?
Awkward, I had a lot of behavorial issues growing up that alienated me, Ive been in psych wards, stuff like that
Mind going further in describing the actual things or is that too personal?
I’d curse at people randomly, pick fights with teachers and students, run out of class, smoke pot in the school bathrooms, randomly having sex with students and a teacher once. Ive been in psych wards for suicide threats
What ties these things to autism?
I assume its why Im so messed up
Don’t let a few really shit people make you doubt that you’re worth being here.
Personally, I’m not really sure if a true “neurotypical” exists. Just people with traits that don’t yet have scientific/quantitative definitions or labels for. We’re all just people and our only common trait is that we’re all different and weird.
Neurotypical just means you’re in the bulge of the bell curve of traits, so your traits are common. It doesn’t mean you’re normal, just average.
Or…. “Typical”…. 😉
exactly
(though I was trying to avoid a circular definition)
https://youtube.com/@DLstandup?si=OWSOsBRaa0Plldoi
Dan Lamorte An excellent standup comedian who is autistic, some very clever bits about the spectrum. Making a living off standup comedy, marathon runner and in a happy relationship.
Nice, thanks
Francis Bourgeois seems to be doing OK.
Francis Bourgeois
Just heard of him now
Considering I didn’t think I had it (but everyone else tells me I do and I can see why they’d think that) and I’ve had a pretty decent life (I’m old), I think so. My kid officially does have it, so I guess they got it from me, and I’ll be damn sure they have a good life.
Also, I would wager a tooooon of historical figures had it but people just called them “weird”. I’d bet that a huge chunk of scientists and engineers in days past had it.
