i am not talking about performance anxiety i think
it is something else
i might feel
- being close to someone = danger = EJECT EJECT EJECT
- someone i like shows she likes me = danger = PUSH PUSH PUSH her away
- i am needy therefore i will be exploited
- those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love
- i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends
- she does x or y, so she is not good enough, so i won’t get close to her
These are normal reactions that a lot of people experience. It’s not easy to put yourself out there.
I think it’s healthy to spend time finding your “tribe” and putting as much effort into that as you put into interpersonal relationships. Find something to be your third place away from home and work/school.